Three years ago something extraordinarily unlikely happened. A successful gaming website was born. I say unlikely considering that the vast majority of websites are best described with adjectives that are largely unkind or positively vulgar, so strictly as a matter of percentage, it is unusual to include the word successful in most website descriptions.
With 2006 freshly upon us, I thought now would be a good time to offer some bold predictions for the New Year! And I swear upon this jar of homemade strawberry jam, that if any of my predictions are wrong I will shave off my bea "… I'm sorry, what? "… Who did?! "… Certis? No! He never writes articles! "… A duck? Well, what the hell am I supposed to talk about?
You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have "… the 2005 year-in-review. Or, more accurately, the highly biased, completely subjective, and woefully incomplete Elysium-flavored look back at 2005.
I've come solidly to the conclusion that the memories of my childhood are best left in a box at the back of my brain, sealed in some kind of titanium container, with a big yellow sign on the front that says "˜do not inspect too closely'.
As you settle yourself to Thanksgiving dinner at your large overstuffed table surrounded by large overstuffed family and try not to listen to your mother and her drunk belligerent brother have their annual argument over who knocked who off a bike and down a ravine in 1971, it's natural to look forward toward the end of Thanksgiving. Natural, that is, unless you work retail.
The first snow of the year has fallen, along with the temperatures, and that can mean only one thing. It's cold, and I'm an idiot for living in Minnesota. But, if it meant two things, it would also mean that gaming season has begun.
As I look back over the past few weeks of front page coverage, all I see is games, games, games, give us money, games, and a man wearing a coconut bikini-top that does not cover the parts a coconut bikini-top is damn well supposed to cover.
Welcome to this third opportunity to make fun of the, I assure you, many many perverts who inadvertently arrive at GWJ looking for content that I very much hope we never provide in any measurable volume. The following is the tiniest sampling of unusual and disturbing search terms which bring people to our little website.