How to get help Catch-all

If you've seen my couple of posts in the Loathe thread this week, you know that I need help.

So my question to you is "How do I go about getting the help that I need?"

I don't know sh*t about sh*t. I'm young (25). I don't go to doctors. I don't do adult, grown-up things. I don't know how this sh*t works. So far, the unknown of the process of how to go about getting help has been my excuse for not getting help (I've come very close several times in the past). I want to make that excuse go away for me, and hopefully remove that barrier for anyone else in the forums who needs similar help (I'm sure there are others like me out there).

Thanks in advance.

Edit: In advance, I've renamed this to a catch-all. I'd like to avoid going into specifics in this thread. I would really like to make it a one-stop shop for information about how to go about getting help for mental illness in particular, but more general help would be acceptable.

Psychology Today has a good search engine for therapists that might be in your area.

For me, it was reaching the point of the absolute. I either had to get help, or give in. I was, in hindsight, very badly let down by healthcare where I lived before, but since I moved, I am in counselling and was immediately diagnosed with a depressive condition that reacts very well to medication. I know that a lot of people are anti-medication - hell, I was - but all the drugs I am on (a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor) have done is taken me back to who I was a few years ago, before this bit in. Nothing is rewired, I can still feel proper emotions; everything that put me off medication is non-existent.

Again, in hindsight, I can see now that I have suffered from major periods of depression in my life and, and have had a lot of very inappropriate coping mechanisms.

kaos, I can see that some of what you posted in the other thread is very familiar to some of what I have been through. I'm really sorry that the people that you tried to talk to were unhelpful. I always thought that it was either so far removed from peoples' experiences that they can't hope to understand, or they avoid the issue as it might force them to confront some things about themselves (or they are just jerks!)

I did find some people to talk to, though. If, and I mean this as a serious offer, you want to talk to someone with no preconceptions about you and a sympathetic ear, pm me and we'll sort something.

My best advice? Go and see your doctor, and they don't give you the help, go see another one. It marked a real turning point for me. If it helps, think of your problems of being borne from a biochemical imbalance; fiddling with my serotonin levels worked for me. You wouldn't think twice about taking antacid for heartburn, to take it down to a ridiculous level!

I think that if you can get over the "I don't go to doctors" thing, you'll be golden. Getting the ball rolling will be critical. The key thing to getting help is getting help.

So, go to a doctor. Bear in mind that you might not find the right doctor the first time, but at worst, they'll direct you to another doctor who's better equipped to help you.

Another thing you might try - ask around your local social group, put a post on Facebook asking for a therapist/psychologist recommendation. There's at least a handful of folk in my social group who've had dealings with mental-health doctors in my area.

Secondly, be realistic in your expectations. If you expect that you'll skip out of the first appointment all sunshine and unicorns, you're likely setting yourself up for disappointment. The realistic expectation is that you'll be starting out on a process of recovery. It will take time, maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe even longer. It may even take some time before you see any noticable signs of improvement. The improvement may not be linear, and may be of a two-steps-forward, one-step-back nature. If one line of treatment doesn't work, investigate others - don't simply give up.

My wife has had some issues with depression and bipolarity, and these are all hard-won lessons that we've learnt over the years. Recovery is not a quick or straightforward process, but it is an achieveable process.

And we're gamers, we love achievements, right

Good luck, and don't let the roadbumps along the way stop you.

How does one choose/find a doctor for that getting the ball rolling visit? Are there any good sites for finding a good doc?

So, I finally got up the courage to ask my roommate for help (He's a counselor). He's recommended a couple of places in the city. I called his #1 recommendation. They directed me to call my insurance company to find out if they're in-network or out-of-network and also find out about authorization (I'm still not 100% clear on what exactly that entails).

I called my insurance company (# on the back of the card). They transferred me to a clinical specialist. The clinical specialist transferred me to someone else. The someone else confirmed (eventually) that #1 is in-network.

I called #1 back and they have availability next Tuesday (I'm out of town on business) and the following Tuesday (I may have work conflicts).

I talked to my roommate again and waiting a couple of weeks for your first visit is normal. Annoyingly, getting the first visit scheduled is the hardest because it must be done by someone licensed (rather than a student or what-have-you) and they have limited availability for meeting with new clients.

I'm going to talk to my boss about having someone else cover my trip next week so I can seek help sooner.

You already did far more than I accomplished when I was suicidally depressed.

Don't give up. Don't let the problem prevent you from getting the help you need. Get in there, no matter what.

kaostheory wrote:

So, I finally got up the courage to ask my roommate for help (He's a counselor). He's recommended a couple of places in the city. I called his #1 recommendation. They directed me to call my insurance company to find out if they're in-network or out-of-network and also find out about authorization (I'm still not 100% clear on what exactly that entails).

I called my insurance company (# on the back of the card). They transferred me to a clinical specialist. The clinical specialist transferred me to someone else. The someone else confirmed (eventually) that #1 is in-network.

I called #1 back and they have availability next Tuesday (I'm out of town on business) and the following Tuesday (I may have work conflicts).

I talked to my roommate again and waiting a couple of weeks for your first visit is normal. Annoyingly, getting the first visit scheduled is the hardest because it must be done by someone licensed (rather than a student or what-have-you) and they have limited availability for meeting with new clients.

I'm going to talk to my boss about having someone else cover my trip next week so I can seek help sooner.

Glad to hear you have made progress already.

So my boss was able to get a co-worker to cover my trip next week, and I've got an appointment set for Tuesday 8/17 at 3:30pm. Should be all better by 5pm.... or not

Honestly, I feel a lot better already knowing that I'm going to get the help I need and knowing that I've got support. My bosses (direct boss and his boss/our owner) have been very supportive. My roommate was great when I talked to him earlier, and he'll be coming home tonight to hang out(when he would normally go to his fiance's and her air conditioning).

The support of this website and the people on it has been tremendous. Thank you to those who've given support both publicly and privately.

For the first time in a long time I feel hopeful that I'll get this beat. I've almost always known that I'd push through it, and have had the feeling that I wouldn't let it beat me, but I've never felt this close to beating it. I know there's still a long, hard road ahead, but it feel like there's at least a light at the end of the tunnel now and not just more tunnel.

One of the hardest things is asking for help. It's the first HUGE step to getting over anything. Glad to hear you've got an appointment, kaos.

Your posts actually sound a lot like what I went through a number of years ago (I've cycled depression since the beginning of high school and anxiety since my third year of college) and while this is a huge stab in the dark, some form of cognitive therapy will probably good for you. It was for me. It got rid of all those illogical thoughts I was having that cycled me into depression and kept me there. Of course, some form of cognitive behavior therapy is pretty standard for most depression, so I'm sure you'll be taught some techniques at some point.

It'll take work, and time, but you can certainly pull yourself out of this.

To answer your specific question in the op, if you have insurance then that's the place to start for most things, unfortunately. Out of network costs can be pretty expensive and unaffordable for many people, so consulting with your insurance to know what kind of treatment is covered and how much of it is covered (how many visits, what percent of the cost, etc.) is vital.

If you don't have insurance, then the phone book and the internet is where you should start. In most places there are some form of free services, even if it's just an AA group or something similar. State and local governments oversee all licensed mental health practitioners and can give you information on who to contact.

But really, if you have no foundation for where to turn the best place to start is with family and friends. More people than most of us are aware have been to some form of counseling and if they can't give you a specific reference to a place or person for your particular circumstances, they can probably point you in the direction of someone who can give you a recommendation. If you don't feel comfortable talking to family and/or friends then your medical doctor is who you should talk to. They'll most likely have people to refer you to that they trust.

What's important, in my opinion, is getting a reference from someone. Not only will you know the person you're going to see is good at what they do based off of someone else's experience, but it makes it easier for you as the client to develop a good relationship with the therapist. Picking someone from the phone book (well, health insurance list) means you'll most likely end up going to a number of different people until you find a fit. A reference from someone goes a long way in cutting down that search.

In re the medication aspect, a combination of medication and therapy has the quickest positive effect for people and is also the most resilient to relapse. That said, medication is better than nothing and therapy certainly works for many people, but if you had to choose, therapy is the better route as it has a longer positive effect for people. I'm not saying that medication is bad, far from it, but it is certainly over prescribed in the sense that people take the meds, feel better, go off and relapse at a point later, taking more meds at that time. If you had combined therapy in with the meds the person is significantly more likely to avoid relapse and the need to go on medication again. Of course that's all generalized, but it's been studied for years now and the conclusions all point to the fact that just because the meds help you doesn't mean therapy isn't still something you should consider.

And for the love of god, don't my mistake by keeping everything to yourself. Talk to those who you trust, love or respect. If you think you don't have anyone to turn to, but have internet access, then you're just lying to yourself. There are always people out there who care and will listen. There are also tons of people who are going or have gone through what you're going through. You aren't alone. No one is alone.

Congratulations on taking the steps to getting your first appointment. I hope it goes really well. Be as open with them as you can and if you come to a point where you don't feel comfortable telling them something, tell them you don't feel comfortable about answering the question. Many times it is what you have trouble vocalizing that can lead to interesting issues to discuss.

No matter what else happens, remember that this is about you. You are paying them to help you. Work with them, but remember that while you are there, how YOU feel and what YOU think are the center of the universe. If you don't click after a few sessions, tell them and then let them help you find someone who is more suited to working with you.

And wow, I'm very proud of you for putting your wellbeing to the front of your priority list. It took an extra helping of guts to push back to your boss and ask him to get someone else to cover the business trip.

GOOD FOR YOU. Seriously. Huge kudos on taking the first step. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes.

Really well done mate.

Realizing you need help is a big step itself. Good job. We're all behind you on this, so don't give up.

RedJen wrote:

And wow, I'm very proud of you for putting your wellbeing to the front of your priority list. It took an extra helping of guts to push back to your boss and ask him to get someone else to cover the business trip.

The only thing with that has been the couple of coworkers wondering why I suddenly wasn't going on the trip. My response has been the generic, "I've got some personal stuff that needs to be taken care of next week." No one has pushed for more detail.

Well kaos, I can offer nothing except well wishes and congratulations on taking the first step. Good luck fighting your demons.

RedJen wrote:

No matter what else happens, remember that this is about you. You are paying them to help you. Work with them, but remember that while you are there, how YOU feel and what YOU think are the center of the universe. If you don't click after a few sessions, tell them and then let them help you find someone who is more suited to working with you.

I can't stress this enough. All of my friends, who left therapy early, did it because they just didn't connect well enough with their therapist. And since you may be going into a long-term relation with that person, don't be afraid to tell him/her about your reservations.

All the best and kudos for taking the hardest step of the entire process.

Speaking as someone who waited until their mid-thirties to get help, you're doing the right thing.

Garion's advice on doubling down with medication and talk-therapy is spot on. As for medications, make sure you work with your doctor on the drug and dosage as it can take a while to get everything dialed in for you. The medication, however, should make it a lot easier for you to deal with the therapy part and life in general. For the therapy part just remember that the first couple sessions are as much an interview for the therapist as it is treatment for you. You need to be comfortable with the therapist and feel that you can open up to them. If one doesn't work for you, find another.

And don't worry about your coworkers or others think. For one thing, it's none of the beeswax. And for another you just need to focus on getting yourself together and well before worrying about what others might or might not be thinking.

Good luck!

I'd suggest finding someone you trust to take you to the appointments. It's a huge step to have actually set one up, but motivating yourself to actually get there will be a battle as well. It's harder to back out if someone's standing in front of you with keys in their hand.

So I had an initial appointment yesterday. I was pretty nervous as I was getting ready to leave, and then the doctor wasn't ready for me until about 10 minutes after it was supposed to start (40 minutes after I was told to get there... yay paperwork!).

It went pretty well. It was good to talk to someone. I've got an appointment set up with a psychiatrist (mid September) to talk about medications and an appointment set up a week from Saturday with another therapist.

The guy I met with yesterday doesn't see patients on Saturdays which are the only reliable day for me with my work schedule, so I'll be seeing someone new. We talked on the phone this afternoon and she seemed nice enough. I'm actually kinda glad I'm seeing someone else, there was something about the guy I met with that just kinda put me off.

Great! All I've got to say.

Good deal. Great first step(s).

Not to hijack your thread kaos, but does anyone have any advice on what to do in a similar situation when the person concerned has no health insurance and basically cannot afford anything out of pocket?

Seems like the state/county's local public health clinic is an obvious option, but I'm not very knowledgeable about this sort of thing.

I have a question. How do you get help when the doctors in your town are all quacks? I can't afford the gas to drive an hour away to a city filled with hate-seeking assholes (I think this may be one of the most awkward puns I've ever tried to use) who careen all over the road like they're playing Burnout any time I need to speak to someone who actually earned his/her medical degree.

I have some advice. Carry a crossbow at all times. You just never know when it will come in handy.