NFL 2023: The Week 14 thread

Okay. There’s the three and out I signed up for

So apparently this is one of those "give Patriots fans hope in Bailey Zappe" games.

Edit: Looking forward to Patriots fans' "Sure, we blew our chance for Drake Maye, but Zappe really might be the future" takes.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

So apparently this is one of those "give Patriots fans hope in Bailey Zappe" games.

Zappe’s gonna zap New England’s draft pick out of the Caleb/Maye zone.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Edit: Looking forward to Patriots fans' "Sure, we blew our chance for Drake Maye, but Zappe really might be the future" takes.

“He could be Brock Purdy if we just get him some weapons!”

Give us more credit than that, I was at that Zappe Bears game last year! Now if we can get him a brain transplant and maybe some lifts then we are talking

But yes, if they win, there will be some Radio callers yelling "Zappeeee" in the most mayor of dunkin' donuts accent you can imagine.

Exactly the game we all expected.

Just once, I want someone on the TNF analyst desk to explain the game by saying, “it’s Thursday Night, it’s not real football”.

*Legion* wrote:

Just once, I want someone on the TNF analyst desk to explain the game by saying, “it’s Thursday Night, it’s not real football”.

I feel like Romo, with a few drinks under his belt, is your man. The broadcast might be terrible but in an entertaining way.

I have no interest in the Pats winning this game but that was the same situation where the Pats interception got reversed by the refs flag. Defender wraps arm around receiver running the slant then makes the play for int. Just call the game evenly.

EvilDead wrote:
*Legion* wrote:

Just once, I want someone on the TNF analyst desk to explain the game by saying, “it’s Thursday Night, it’s not real football”.

I feel like Romo, with a few drinks under his belt, is your man. The broadcast might be terrible but in an entertaining way.

Or Aikman. As Troy has gotten older, he's gotten more into surly old man "can you believe this sh*t" ranting when games suck, and he's a lot more entertaining than he used to be.

Herbstreit didn’t register that the ref said “false start” instead of offside, and tried to correct the number the ref called out.

Then there was a long pause when someone no doubt was in his ear.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Or Aikman. As Troy has gotten older, he's gotten more into surly old man "can you believe this sh*t" ranting when games suck, and he's a lot more entertaining than he used to be.

Hah, true.

*Legion* wrote:

Herbstreit didn’t register that the ref said “false start” instead of offside, and tried to correct the number the ref called out.

Then there was a long pause when someone no doubt was in his ear.

That was odd.

I think they had a 90 percent chance of getting those 2 yards if they just ran it....

4th and ballgame with 2 yards to go, and Trubisky flings a bomb falling backwards off his back foot. Never change, titty kisser.

It’s probably good that the Steelers are going to lose. This team making the playoffs would be an absolute waste of everyone’s time. Time to slide out of the way and open up that wildcard position.

So I guess the ley for the Patriots to win a game is to allow more than 10 points.

The tank has taken a hit but I'll take beating the Steelers.

December 7th advent figure: T.J. Watt.

I’m starting to think this thing is voodoo.

*Legion* wrote:

I’m starting to think this thing is voodoo.

The appearance of any Panthers players would prove that it's cursed.

Meanwhile, The Athletic is out with a 1-to-32 ranking of NFL team owners by winning percentage.

The top 5:

1. Robert Kraft, Patriots (.666, snicker)
2. Gayle Benson, Saints (.628)
3. Art Rooney II, Steelers (.613)
4. Steve Bisciotti, Ravens (.594)
5. Jody Allen, Seahawks (.591)

Bottom 5:

28. Rob Walton, Broncos (.379)
29. Jimmy Haslam, Browns (.358)
30. David Tepper, Panthers (.319)
31. Shad Khan, Jaguars (.311)
32. Josh Harris, Commanders (.308)

Win rates, fyi, "are counted for owners after the NFL has approved their purchases; after an owner transferred the team to a family member; or after an owner died and left the team to an heir."

Some interesting takeaways:

* Five of the last six owners to buy (rather than inherit) a team make up the bottom five in win percentage. (The lone exception is the Bills (.586).)

* The Packers (.570) are 200 games over .500

* Six teams (Saints, Seahawks, Titans, Bears, Niners and Lions) have women owners of record.

Trevor Lawrence is a game-time decision. The fact that he’s even that close to playing is amazing.

Also a game-time decision will be Geno Smith, who tweaked his groin this week and didn’t practice on Friday. Odds seem better than 50/50 that Drew Lock makes the start.

Apparently the 49ers are one of the “most interested” teams in signing Zach Ertz, as their TE3 Ross Dwelley is hurt and may end up on IR.

*Legion* wrote:

Also a game-time decision will be Geno Smith, who tweaked his groin this week and didn’t practice on Friday.

"Oh, we're playing San Francisco again this weekend? Oooh, my groin!"

On the plus side for Seattle, sounds like there's a chance both Kenneth "Johnnie" Walker III and Zach Chardonnay could suit up for the game, so their likely-to-be run heavy gameplan might at least have their runners available.

Chardonnay and Johnnie Walker sounds like my Christmas drink order in an alternate reality.

Jaguar Jesus will start. He has spared me from having to cheer for BEAT HARD again.

EDIT: Jags D allows an ELITE QB to go 4/4 for 66 yards and a 34-yard TD on the opening drive. I guess the D gave their healthy ankles to Trevor.

Desmond Sh*tter continuing to do great things at QB in Atlanta. Throws a pick on an incredibly obvious screen without noticing Carlton Davis charging in. Can this guy please be QB there forever?

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Desmond Sh*tter continuing to do great things at QB in Atlanta. Throws a pick on an incredibly obvious screen without noticing Carlton Davis charging in. Can this guy please be QB there forever?

Still mind boggling that they weren't the team to take a serious run at Lamar.

'hey come play for max money in our rebuilding division where you might be auto bye to the playoffs'

Lamar slinging it today.

jowner wrote:
MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Desmond Sh*tter continuing to do great things at QB in Atlanta. Throws a pick on an incredibly obvious screen without noticing Carlton Davis charging in. Can this guy please be QB there forever?

Still mind boggling that they weren't the team to take a serious run at Lamar.

'hey come play for max money in our rebuilding division where you might be auto bye to the playoffs'

I have to believe the Ravens basically backchanneled the rest of the league: “Don’t bother, we’ll match anything you do.”

And then it’s not worth it for your organization to make the move, making it public that you’re going after Lamar, and then end up not getting him.

Stele wrote:

Lamar slinging it today.

Defense hasn’t shown up yet.

If it wasn’t for rams blown coverages, we’d be in trouble

Jags are missing both of their left tackles, so the guard they just traded for - Ezra Cleveland - started at left tackle.

Now Cleveland is hurt, and the guard they claimed off waivers last year - Blake Hance - is the left tackle.

It’s not good when you’re down to your second guard playing out of position at left tackle.

Carolina’s receivers seem to be allergic to catching the football.