Some things we (meaning I) learned from Week 5:
* Thursday night games continue to be weird. How else do you explain the Bears scoring 40 points for the first time since 2020?
* The Bengals might not be DOA after all, and the AFC North is by far the most interesting division in football.
* Sean Payton was and remains a fraud.
* Jared Goff might be good. So might Brock Purdy (and not in a system way; like, legit good).
* The Ravens receivers should be fired into the sun.
* The Patriots would be the worst team in the NFL except for the Panthers (who forgot to play one of their WRs, who was their second-round pick in 2021).
GIF OF THE WEEK
The Niners are terrifying.
Not a GIF but if you haven't seen the overhead video of ATL's Bijan Robinson, go watch it. Dude is special.
WEEK 6 SCHEDULE
Good lord what an uninspiring week. I have zero interest in watching the Broncos, Patriots or Giants except as a comedy bit, yet there they are in some prime viewing spots. Monday night will feature the Herbert Prescott Overhyped QB Bowl, but we've got a lot of crap to endure before that lone bright spot.
As for me, I'll be watching the sh!t out of some World Cup Rugby. I'll be vastly more entertained by the weekend's four knockout-round games than if I watch the Dolphins run through, past and around the Panthers. Fins are 14-point favorites; I'd go with Miami even if the line hits 21.
Thursday
Broncos at Chiefs (Prime)
Sunday morning
Ravens at Titans in New Jacksonville, 930a (NFL Network)
Sunday early
Commanders at Falcons
Vikings at Bears
Seahawks at Bengals
Niners at Browns
Saints at Texans
Colts at Jaguars
Still Winless Panthers at Dolphins
Sunday late
Patriots at Raiders (GOTW but why?!)
Lions at Bucs
Cardinals at Rams
Eagles at Jets (GOTW)
Sunday night
Giants at Bills (NBC)
Monday
Cowboys at Chargers (ABC, ESPN)
Off this week: Packers, Steelers, Manningcast
Maps (on Wed)
Niners are playing teams coming off their bye week in 3 of their next 4 opponents. Two of which are bullsh*t 1:00pm Eastern road games. This is the work of that schedule-making AI that they keep advertising, and it can go screw itself, trying to schedule the Niners into trap losses.
Meanwhile in Jacksonville, we get the Minshew Bowl. Will never understand why the Jags dumped Minshew to go sign BEAT HARD as QB2 (of course I do actually understand, and it rhymes with Caulky).
I can't even be mad about 1pm game. Niners are gonna roll anyway.
In words not uttered for decades, I'm very worried about playing the Lions.
I am glad the Ravens are playing in London. Get the pain out of the way early.
George Kittle wore a "F**k Dallas" undershirt during Sunday Night's game, which he revealed to the crowd:
This was a reference to former 49ers linebacker Gary Plummer, who did the same thing back in 1994, during the run-up to San Francisco's last Super Bowl win:
Micah Parsons got real touchy about it, accusing Kittle of making things "personal", and said, "laugh now, cry later".
Deebo Samuel pushed back, stating that "it was already personal before the game" and that "I don't think you wanna see us again".
Thus concludes this episode of Days of Our Niners.
f*ck Dallas
Yeah that is how I've felt since 1992
49ers wide receiver group’s mantra: ”no block, no rock”.
The WR coach repeating that endlessly is Leonard Hankerson, who you might remember was a WR drafted by Washington to play for the Shanahans.
A couple days ago, I stumbled on this clip of Mike McDaniel at what looks like a coaching summit, describing how Shanahan gets the receivers to buy in to their role in the run game:
“You get what you emphasize”.
I find myself always rooting for Dallas a little bit just because I want them to be good enough to have hope, and nothing is really more fun to see than the Disappointed Jerry Cam. That's always good entertainment.
f*ck Dallas
Yeah that is how I've felt since 1992
It goes back much further than that for me.
I find myself always rooting for Dallas a little bit just because I want them to be good enough to have hope, and nothing is really more fun to see than the Disappointed Jerry Cam. That's always good entertainment.
The ideal season would have them at 2-15, while the giants have 2 wins fewer than that.
Yeah there's something about 8-8 Dallas that misses the wildcard by a game that is delicious.
But their division was so sh*t there for a bit that they could get in with a 500 record.
What is it with all these defenses getting crowned before they've played against a functional offense?
First it was the Dallas defense hyping themselves up as "historic" and comparing themselves to the 2000 Ravens, after they'd only played against the Giants, Jets, Patriots, and the Cardinals. The only one of those even close to a functioning offense is the Cardinals, and that's the one the Cowboys gave up 416 yards to, and lost.
Now it's the Browns, the new "#1 defense" that the Niners are playing against, who have only played against the lackluster (so far) offenses of their own division, and the Titans. The 24th, 27th, 28th, and 30th ranked offenses in yards per play.
Seriously, ESPN is hyping up how Jim Schwartz "transformed" the Browns D after they shut down those mighty attacks. Let's maybe cool it until they've played a few offenses that aren't in the bottom quadrant.
Gary Plummer
Looks like a GD Ultramarine.
For the Emperor!
Correction: After gazing upon the NFL maps for week 6, it seems that Eagles-Jets will be the late Sunday GOTW.
Because this dumb post comes out each week before the broadcast maps, I usually guess the GOTW based on announcer pairings. Although Nantz & Romo will be calling Patriots-Raiders in the late Sunday slot, that game has been mercifully restricted to NoCal, Nevada, New England and a handful of unlucky markets whose teams play in the early slot Sunday.
Eagles-Jets, while not a great matchup, is an interesting one. Eagles are usually a good watch.
Correction: After gazing upon the NFL maps for week 6, it seems that Eagles-Jets will be the late Sunday GOTW.
Because this dumb post comes out each week before the broadcast maps, I usually guess the GOTW based on announcer pairings. Although Nantz & Romo will be calling Patriots-Raiders in the late Sunday slot, that game has been mercifully restricted to NoCal, Nevada, New England and a handful of unlucky markets whose teams play in the early slot Sunday.
Eagles-Jets, while not a great matchup, is an interesting one. Eagles are usually a good watch.
I read somewhere that Nantz & Romo calling that game are being treated as prep for the Superb Owl. Not because it will be any good.
I read somewhere that Nantz & Romo calling that game are being treated as prep for the Superb Owl. Not because it will be any good.
Rich Eisen said the same thing on his show. Getting them familiar with the venue because they haven’t called a game there yet.
Obviously not because any sane person thinks the Pats or the Raiders are going to the Superb Owl?
tboon wrote:I read somewhere that Nantz & Romo calling that game are being treated as prep for the Superb Owl. Not because it will be any good.
Rich Eisen said the same thing on his show. Getting them familiar with the venue because they haven’t called a game there yet.
They're obviously not doing this to scout potential Superb Owl teams.
Interesting wrinkle to the Carolina-Miami game: It's being shown in SoFla, Upper and Lower Carolina and ... central Alabama, where both starting QBs played college ball.
Relatedly: Alabama has such a weird QB history. Currently, four starting NFL QBs played at Alabama. (Hurts gets only half-credit.) Then you have to go back 50 years to find a QB worth a damn in the NFL (Ken Stabler, Joe Namath). Also weird: Bart Starr and Freddie Kitchens were starting Alabama QBs.
Put some respect on leading XFL passer AJ McCarron’s name.
But, the Super Bowl is on Nickelodeon. What do Nantz and Romo have to do with it?
Jakobi Myers revenge game, which I guess means he's going to throw a TD pass to a Patriots defender?
Broncos are expected to trade Jerry Jeudy by the trade deadline.
My top 5 Jerry Jeudy landing spots:
5. Baltimore - Jeudy's drop rate is 5.6% on the year, while Baltimore's team drop rate is approximately 97%.
4. Kansas City - Rashee Rice and Justin Watson could use another productive wide receiver on the field. Skyy Moore, MVS, and Toney are mostly taking up space.
3. Houston - Jeudy's got another year under contract, so he's not just a rental. Houston is feeling good about C.J. Stroud, and should look at opportunities to add WR talent.
2. Carolina - Jeudy's got another year under contract, so he's not just a rental. Carolina is not feeling good about Tiny Bryce, and should look at opportunities to add WR talent. Or they should just throw to Viska.
1. NY Giants - The Giants should be in on any and every WR that hits the market. The only thing dumber than going all-in on Danny Dimes is making him throw to Isaiah Hodgins.
Oh look, a new report of Cardinals owner Michael Bidwill being a colossal piece of crap, this time targeting women employees.
I don't know why Bidwill has been escaping the kind of heat that took down Jerry Richardson's ownership, but hopefully this straw will do some work on that camel's back.
I think we may have someone trying for the worst owner award vacated by Snider.
Tldw.
First pick was brutal. You don't have to know much about football to realize that.
More Jordan Love options to run would be a good thing. Which leads us to....
Matt LaFleur might be bad. Maybe training wheels are still on because of how green the team is.
Love has an arm but he's not matching that with accuracy.
Bye week. Get to come back and play the Broncos next week. Some of LaFleurs buddies are beating up on Sean Payton. Matt don't be the guy who loses to Sean Payton.
Who among us wouldn't perform better at our jobs if Taylor Swift was there rooting for us?
Who among us wouldn't perform better at our jobs if Taylor Swift was there rooting for us?
This bug’s taking you forever
Production is down in flames
Our five nines are over
We’re gonna breach SLA
Who among us wouldn't perform better at our jobs if Taylor Swift was there rooting for us?
Refs?
Well this is definitely Thurs Night Football.
Why do I waste my time?
Guys. You're doing football wrong.
This game came down to the very end! (The line was KC -10.5)
My sister and sister-in-law's ring bearer, the "Bwoncos" fan, can't catch a break this season.
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