NFL 2022: The Week 17 thread

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I'm traveling this week so here's an early (and short) thread:

THE PLAYOFF PICTURE

Current AFC seeds
1. Bills (clinched AFC East)
2. Chiefs (clinched AFC West)
3. Bengals (clinched playoff berth)
4. Jags (clinched NOTHING YET)
5. Ravens (clinched playoff berth)
6. Chargers (clinched playoff berth w Monday night's win over Limp D!ck Nick and the Colts)
7. Dolphins

Current NFC seeds
1. Eagles (clinched playoff berth)
2. Vikings (clinched NFC North)
3. Niners (clinched NFC West)
4. Bucs
5. Cowboys (clinched playoff berth)
6. Giants
7. Commanders

Eliminated! Now up to eight teams. Colts, Falcons and Br*wns jon the Texans, Bears, Broncos, Rams and Cardinals.

Here are your playoff scenarios if you care about things like this.

WEEK 17 SCHEDULE

Thursday
Cowboys-Titans (Prime) (watchability factor of 32)

Sunday early
Panthers-Bucs (70)
... a Bucs win gives them the NFC South title, boo; Panthers continue to control their own fate
Dolphins-Patriots (64)
... Dolphins clinch a playoff berth if they win and Jets lose
Br*wns-Commanders (50)
Saints-Eagles (48)
... Eagles clinch NFC East with a win or a Cowboys loss
Broncos-Chiefs (36)
Colts-Giants (21)
Bears-Lions (20)
Jags-Texans (7)
Cardinals-Falcons (-zero-)

Sunday late
Vikings-Packers (national GOTW) (79)
Jets-Seahawks (in the Geno Smith Revenge Game) (57)
Niners-Raiders (formerly the Bay Bridge Bowl) (34)
Rams-Chargers (in the Battle for LA) (15)

Sunday night
Steelers-Ravens (NBC; flexed from early Sunday) (41)

Monday
***Bills-Bengals*** (ABC and ESPN; no Manningcast) (100!!!!)
... Bengals clinch AFC North with a win and a Ravens loss
... Bills clinch No 1 seed if they win and Chiefs lose

Coverage maps will be here on Wednesday.

SCORIGAMI
We got our third one of the season: Bengals 22, Patriots 18

Bengals scored three TDs, a field goal and one XP; they missed an XP and a two-point conversion.
Patriots scored three TDs and blew three conversions (two missed XPs, one failed 2-point try)

So to get Tampa Bay out of the playoffs I have to cheer for the Panthers? Yikes.

Stele wrote:

So to get Tampa Bay out of the playoffs I have to cheer for the Panthers? Yikes.

You're such a Sam Darnold fan.

I left y'all plenty of room to talk about:

* Why Brian Burns Was Right About Mac Jones

I never expected the new Ndamukong Suh to be a pudgy quarterback.

* The Return of Josh Norman to Carolina

Last seen getting absolutely torched as an emergency replacement for the 2021 49-IRs.

* Why OBJ Loves His Couch More than Football

There's so little movement here that I can hardly justify a new Power Rankings.

* Why the Panthers Will Embarrass Themselves on Sunday (it feels a lot like Pittsburgh Week)

They've already spammed Sam Darnold's "good games" ability, it's gotta go on cooldown now until next year.

* Are the Vikings Any Good?

No. Well their offense is good, so they're the king of the paper tigers. But their defense is trash and is prime for a wild card weekend "upset" loss.

* Why Sean Payton Won't Take Any of the Available Coaching Gigs (except maybe Phoenix because it's warm there)

Because the Dallas job isn't technically "available" yet.

Stele wrote:

So to get Tampa Bay out of the playoffs I have to cheer for the Panthers? Yikes.

That's nothing. We've got to cheer for the damn Packers this week.

*Legion* wrote:
I left y'all plenty of room to talk about:

* Why Brian Burns Was Right About Mac Jones

I never expected the new Ndamukong Suh to be a pudgy quarterback.

* The Return of Josh Norman to Carolina

Last seen getting absolutely torched as an emergency replacement for the 2021 49-IRs.

* Why OBJ Loves His Couch More than Football

There's so little movement here that I can hardly justify a new Power Rankings.

* Why the Panthers Will Embarrass Themselves on Sunday (it feels a lot like Pittsburgh Week)

They've already spammed Sam Darnold's "good games" ability, it's gotta go on cooldown now until next year.

* Are the Vikings Any Good?

No. Well their offense is good, so they're the king of the paper tigers. But their defense is trash and is prime for a wild card weekend "upset" loss.

* Why Sean Payton Won't Take Any of the Available Coaching Gigs (except maybe Phoenix because it's warm there)

Because the Dallas job isn't technically "available" yet.

Enix left out, "Who's Patrick Star going to get fired next?"

*Legion* wrote:
Stele wrote:

So to get Tampa Bay out of the playoffs I have to cheer for the Panthers? Yikes.

That's nothing. We've got to cheer for the damn Packers this week.

Well I do love some Jaire. Maybe the defense can score a couple and win 14-6 with Qaron sucking.

I mean look at this guy.

And his taunt dance game.

Sadly I no longer have Davante Adams FRESNO STATE to help me suffer through a Packers game

Rat Boy wrote:

Enix left out, "Who's Patrick Star going to get fired next?"

Can I just now convey what I couldn't say on Sunday because I was on my phone and I'm utter sh*te at texting? That game was perhaps one of the biggest football cultural events on Christmas I've ever seen and it took what up until now was a minor novelty into something arguably as big as the Manning Cast. This had the household I was in constantly rolling in laughter because not just three out of five of us were of the Nickelodeon generation but also because every bad Broncos moment happened almost exactly every time actor Bill Fagerbakke was vtubing as Patrick Star.

This entire season has been oddly dissatisfying despite my Ravens clinching a playoff spot.

McDaniel confirms Tua suffered a concussion and it looks like it's Bridgewater starting on Sunday.

Hm, Teddy B, born and raised, with a chance to put his hometown team in the playoffs.

Excellent, now I don't have to cheer against Carr this weekend when they play the Niners.

McDaniels needs to bench himself.

The dead cap hit for cutting Carr at the end of the season is only $5.6mm. I wonder if there will be any free agent QBs available that Josh McDaniels likes...

Is the number 15 available in Vegas?

If Carr comes to Tampa, does that make Legion a proxy Bucs fan?

He was not a fan when Dilfer was there I bet...

If Stidham is knocked out or doesn’t play the full 60, it’s Chase Garbers time!

https://awfulannouncing.com/nfl/tom-...

I thought this $375M contract thing was a joke. Apparently it’s real and I gotta tell you that Fox won’t see any ROI on that. Brady has the personality of wet cardboard….and outside a few markets (lol) most people can’t stand him.

He'll be calling the Super Bowl if the Bucs don't make it.

*Legion* wrote:
Stele wrote:

So to get Tampa Bay out of the playoffs I have to cheer for the Panthers? Yikes.

That's nothing. We've got to cheer for the damn Packers this week.

Because?

I've been off the grid (mostly) for the past couple of days and missed that particular memo.

Wait, who the f*ck is Joshua Dobbs?

iaintgotnopants wrote:

Wait, who the f*ck is Joshua Dobbs?

Famed in Tennessee and Georgia for the Dobb Nail Boot in the UT v Georgia game a few years ago to 49ers receiver Juaun Jennings. Been stuck as a backup for years. Smart guy, great athlete. Good arm with maybe not enough accuracy to excel in the NFL. As a Vol fan, I'd love to see him take advantage of his shot.

Pretty sure he (like all failed QBs) has taken a snap or two as a CLE Brown.

Slow Blaine Gabbert news today?

Top_Shelf wrote:

Slow Blaine Gabbert news today?

How many lives does the guy need to save to get some recognition?

Pink Stripes wrote:
Top_Shelf wrote:

Slow Blaine Gabbert news today?

How many lives does the guy need to save to get some recognition?

IMAGE(https://media.tenor.com/HVTQTkdmeAcAAAAC/bortles-jason-mendoza.gif)

Pink Stripes wrote:
Top_Shelf wrote:

Slow Blaine Gabbert news today?

How many lives does the guy need to save to get some recognition?

Five. Work a little harder next time, Blaine.

David Blough is starting for the Cardinals on Sunday because they don't want to risk beating the Falcons and moving below them in the draft order.

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