Ten years I've been seated upon my throne of holiday skulls, dispatching an army of deranged elves to peek through the Venetian blinds of the internet to discover the truly depraved desires that nestle beneath the black hearts of their fellow Goodjers. A decade of yuletide chaos has stained my twisted and ruined hands red and green, the tinsel between my cracked candy cane teeth impossible to extract. I'm more holiday than man, a twisted mutation of jingle bells, tentacles, and a cheap bluetooth speaker blaring the tinny crooning of Mariah informing us of the one thing she desperately wants for Christmas lodged deep in one of my throats. When she falls silent, as must we all one day, I creak open my seven mouths, and in a chorus of a thousand thousand elementary school choir winter recitals, I herald your holiday doom.
I AM TRICHY CLAUS, ELF OF ELVES. LOOK UPON MY HOLIDAY WORKS, YE GOODJERS, AND MAKE MERRY.
PREPARE YOUR FLESH FOR THE 2022 GOODJER SECRET STAN.
A few points to keep in mind:
- Yes, it's early. Yes, that's intentional. In previous years, we've discovered the value of giving plenty of time for people to sign up for the Secret Stan, as well as to begin stalking and planning their gifts. Many of our Goodjers have produced artwork or handcrafted gifts, and those take time. In addition, the reliability of shipping is not what it used to be, so kicking things off earlier has been a big success in the last few years.
- As in previous years, those wishing to take part need to submit their information through this form. On a daily basis, I save a copy of the information to a portable hard drive, and wipe it from Google Sheets to protect your information. While wish lists are not required, they do make things much easier on those searching for the trinkets you so desire.
- The deadline for joining the Secret Stan is October 28th. Every year, I set a hard deadline, and every year, we have a few stragglers poke their heads up after that date. We'll always do our best to accommodate those kind of requests, but it's a lot of additional work, so please, don't procrastinate, and please spread the word.
- If you're participating, make a habit of monitoring your PMs on this site. It's the only real method that I have to communicate with you, and how I'll notify you of questions, shipping delays, and other potential problems.
- While it's rare, we have had a few instances of someone signing up, then ghosting us and leaving someone without a Stan. As such, the form asks if you want to act as a backup, should someone be unwilling or unable to send a gift to their Stan. Please know that's in no way required.
- There is no minimum or maximum amount for your gift(s). Not once in ten years have I seen someone disappointed by what they received, and handmade gifts are often the most popular. With that said, please do not make a donation on your victim's behalf unless they've specifically asked for that.
- Post pictures and videos of your unwrapping! Whether you choose to wait for your chosen holiday celebration or tear into the packages the moment they arrive, seeing the results of your Stan's labors is one of the highlights of the year.
If you have any questions, I can be reached via PM. I love you all, and let the holiday chaos commence.