Adult ADHD and Games

Received a diagnosis yesterday morning, I seemed to score pretty high on the self-report scales and the psychiatrist mentioned that I'm a typical case of adult ADHD which would have been missed during childhood. Was so nice to be listened to, unlike the last person I saw who simply told me I was too academic to have ADHD. My symptoms are far more on the inattentive side, meaning no behavioral issues and little struggles with impulse control.

I've been put on a low dose of dexamphetamine which seemed to help today. Some initial fidgeting but my thoughts slowed down and everything was a little clearer, very promising. Just hard to tell because I've just come down with COVID and am feeling pretty foggy from that.

Overall so nice to have some answers and a possible bottle of pills to help. I'm aware it was only a single session and I could have been misdiagnosed, but I'm staying hopeful.

Bear in mind that if it's having the desired effect, even a bit - the diagnosis is correct. Also, the idea that because you are "academic", your issues are just down to, I dunno, working style, is bullshit. Your well rid of that doc.

I have ADHD and I could treat it or the OCD. Decided the ADHD was good for work so I treated the OCD. I know what ADHD can do if you don't know you have it and believe me, you don't have to feel bad about your past mistakes. That was the ADHD. Think of those as learning experiences that you won't repeat, and I mean that literally. I'm still kind of haunted by impulsive decisions I made decades ago that had unpleasant effects, and this mental elision is one of the best ways I've found to push them aside and continue on. For what that is worth.

And congrats on taking care of things!

Sorry if I'm skimming
can anyone recommend a reliable online test? I'm curious about my own condition, 30-odd years after its initial diagnosis

As far as I know, you need to get a professional opinion. You could always ask a psychiatrist to review the diagnosis with modern standards. But I would not go flitting around the Internet trying to second-guess a 30 year diagnosis. I would go to a professional.

I don't know that I've ever seen one. The closest I've seen is a list of symptoms followed by "holy crap that's me!". I would suspect the novelty of such a test would seriously damage its effectiveness.

And really, the best "do-it-yourself" test for ADHD is to take a strong over-the-counter stimulant and see what your physiological response is.

Lot of what you find online is hearsay, with a "if you check all these boxes, speak to a professional." I went in wanting to get tested for ADHD and left with letter saying I scored high and suggestions to medicate to relieve the distress that adhd brought - but also came out with some other findings in addition that I would not have known about, had the person not tested for multiple things that often coexist with ADHD that I didn't think to consider.

There's more information about it than ever, and I think it's safe to assume it may be worth discussing your 30yo diagnoses with your doc to see if there are adjustments or considerations now available to you that weren't there before.

Vargen, remember, as in my case, there may be more going on than the ADHD.

Shoot, my mom didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until she went and got her brain scanned. She read about a doctor who was building up a library of scans of folks who are neurotypical and folks who have known conditions. They have no idea what the scans actually mean, but they've found that doing comparisons against the library they've built up can help them diagnose patients. She thought the science was neat and made an appointment, and they found the ADHD that had been hidden behind the clinical depression.

That was many years ago now. I should look into that and see if it ever went anywhere.

Vargen wrote:

I don't know that I've ever seen one. The closest I've seen is a list of symptoms followed by "holy crap that's me!". I would suspect the novelty of such a test would seriously damage its effectiveness.

And really, the best "do-it-yourself" test for ADHD is to take a strong over-the-counter stimulant and see what your physiological response is.

Where the expected physiological response is…?

Some measure of relief of the ADHD symptoms, vs. getting amped up and jittery.

Today I went back on meds for the first time in a decade. And for the first time when I'm not a student. I've been using up all my executive function keeping my 18 month old daughter alive, and too much else was slipping. This time we're not going with a powerful stimulant. After a few years of those the side effects got too pronounced, so I stopped once I got the relevant degree.

This time I'm taking Stratera (or rather its generic). Apparently this takes a while to build up in your system, so I'm not getting the big dramatic lifting of the fog and radical shift I can feel in my brain that I got with stimulants. But today was a good day. I put a bigger dent in the laundry than I might have, and I'm remembering to go downstairs and finish the current cycle now that the baby is asleep. If I can string a some good days together instead of just finding them sporadically... I think I'll call that a win.

As the Muppets Treasure Island said it best....
IMAGE(https://y.yarn.co/c2eb4a4a-e840-45bf-a5fc-09256d4169fb_text.gif)

Now on to find some treatment & therapy!

Welcome to the party!

Great thread! Thank you, Amoebic!

Just got diagnosed last year at 52 and boy oh boy was that diagnosis needed! As a theater/opera director, I never really had a problem when I was actively working, but between gigs I'd get distracted by anything. I couldn't plan for the future or send out letters because that was boring office work, not the sizzling, exciting, colorful production periods. And, like many here, it was the absence of that during the pandemic that made me realize that it was almost impossible for me to get anything done on my own. Now I take half an amphetamine tablet when I "need my brain" and it's amazing how quiet things get. I probably use it more sparingly than I should, but it's a great resource.

One thing I wanted to draw attention to are the mental health costs of undiagnosed ADHD. While a lot of things make sense now about my past, I still can't always escape the vortex of blame, shame, and self-hatred when I'm less productive than I should be. Blair Carpenter discusses Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria here, and it explains why it's difficult for me to pursue collaborative projects and job opportunities. Fortunately I married my opposite number, a lawyer who is extremely efficient and organized, so we complement each other (our kids take after her in that way). But I will admit that watching someone else get so many things done in a day while I'm just getting started can be difficult.

Where gaming is concerned, I generally need a quick hit, so RTSs and shooters are my normal menu items. It's difficult for me to enter into a deep, crunchy RPG or adventure game unless it really hooks me right away. Recently, I've been looking for relaxing, slow or turn-based games so that I can listen to books or articles while I play. Reading books is tough, even though I'm a bibliophile, so I have to default to Audible or taking online classes for challenging books that I want to read.

I really want to get into a meditation schedule but my brain HATES planning or preparing it, not necessarily doing it. My brain craves content and meditation denies it that. Ugh!

Best wishes to my GWJ siblings dealing with this heaping challenge!

I have diagnosed but untreated ADHD. The RSD explains a lot about me that I did not know (although I only found out about it in the last 2 years or so). I'm in the same game boat you are, but without the shelter of drugs, since they would counteract the fix for my OCD, which... Nah, bruh, OCD is worse lol.

Knowing that, there are games I keep going back to, over and over.

Star Traders: Frontiers is a great one for popping in and out of. Engaging, action comes quickly and often, but easy to put down and do something else when needed.

Crusader Kings 3 - Also easy to drop and pick up, but offers (interestingly) a variety of levels of engagement. Deal with the details, or just go broad brush depending on how much you want to engage your brain.

ARPGs - Find one you like - Diablo 3, Path of Exile, Grim Dawn, Last Epoch, Warhammer 40K: Inquisitor - and keep that around for when you need some high energy action with constant reward hits. Again, mental engagement can be high or low.

Roguelikes - hoo boy, so much goodness in these. There are various categories, but all of them are quick hit and high reward. The graphics can be basic or up to pixel graphics levels, take your pick. For me, games like Slay the Spire, Noita, Loop Hero, Drox Operative 2, Armoured Commander, Cogmind (oh yeah), Demon (ask Ferret), Neo Scavenger and now Peglin have all been constant, dependable gaming friends.

Wargames are great for turn-based thinking games, when you want to get engaged but at a board-game level. You can get partway through a turn, leave it and come back. Games from Wargames Design Studio are ideal for this (they have the new John Tiller codebase, while Matrix Games is upgrading the old Talonsoft JT games, with Campaign Viet Nam first out the gate in spectacular and engaging style). But there's Warhammer 40K wargames, Cold War, WW2 (tons), at all levels of detail (tactical, operational, strategic). Check the Wargamers Corner for suggestions.

And, of course, puzzle games. Zachtronics on the high end, solitaire variants on the low end, lots in between. Dorfromantik and Townscaper for chill-out, games like Molek-Syntek or Opus Magnum or SpaceChem for thinking and score competition.

But of course for ADHD folks, the single best game I've ever found is Logistical: Earth. Huge, sprawling, with a weird ui that is nonetheless efficient, it offers repetitive gaming that slowly varies over time in the details, and frequent reward hits as well as strategic puzzling (where do I go next and how do I make it work?). I can't recommend that highly enough.

Anyway, a few thoughts. Good luck!

Thanks for linking that RSD info. I'm sometimes snippy towards my wife when she criticizes me, or interrupts me when I'm doing chores. It's something I feel very guilty about, and am trying to tackle through therapy. I already made the link with ADD partly: when going through my chore list I'm mentally juggling all the tasks at hand, and when my wife then asks me something I tend to lose grasp and lash out verbally.

In therapy we already covered an underlying current, a firm belief I'm not good enough as a person, and this connects it to my ADD in a way I hadn't thought of. What I perceive as criticism often isn't, for instance. I will definitely bring this up next therapy session. At work it does express itself in other ways, mostly my procrastination and anxiety with bigger projects.

For gaming, I mostly let go of being self-critical. I play games or don't, and feel no guilt anymore about not finishing games or walking away from something potentially interesting. In practice, I tend to fly from one game to another until something clicks. Then I play that game (Hades and FM in 2022) continuously for months.

dejanzie wrote:

In therapy we already covered an underlying current, a firm belief I'm not good enough as a person, and this connects it to my ADD in a way I hadn't thought of. What I perceive as criticism often isn't, for instance. I will definitely bring this up next therapy session. At work it does express itself in other ways, mostly my procrastination and anxiety with bigger projects.

The bolded part above is so important for me. I have really internalized the narrative that I'm hapless, inept, a loser at core, so even all my triumphs, personal and professional, fail to budge the needle. And that's from decades of seeing other people encounter the world's many systems successfully when I am unable to. And it's partially being adjacent to so many people who have met society's definition of success when I am, in a way, deliberately drawing away (or excusing myself) from that. But I don't know that I'd trade my brain for a neurotypical one. It's a very rich experience in this Star Wars cantina.

Natus wrote:
dejanzie wrote:

In therapy we already covered an underlying current, a firm belief I'm not good enough as a person, and this connects it to my ADD in a way I hadn't thought of. What I perceive as criticism often isn't, for instance. I will definitely bring this up next therapy session. At work it does express itself in other ways, mostly my procrastination and anxiety with bigger projects.

The bolded part above is so important for me. I have really internalized the narrative that I'm hapless, inept, a loser at core, so even all my triumphs, personal and professional, fail to budge the needle. And that's from decades of seeing other people encounter the world's many systems successfully when I am unable to. And it's partially being adjacent to so many people who have met society's definition of success when I am, in a way, deliberately drawing away (or excusing myself) from that. But I don't know that I'd trade my brain for a neurotypical one. It's a very rich experience in this Star Wars cantina.

The reason I started therapy again is because I DO fit all the classic criteria of success, and still feel inept. I was open when applying for my current job that I need regular feedback, they more than delivered on that, but it barely registers when they tell me I have far exceeded their already high expectations, appreciate how I seamlessly integrated into the team, etc. It's so weird!

HOO boy the RSD is why I couldn't handle random multiplayer with the general public anymore and why I exclusively play multiplayer with family or GWJ. The critiques and negativity around competitiveness makes the whole situation even more unpleasant when playing games with people who like to reinforce impostor syndrome.

I'm 40. I've been talking to my doctor about getting diagnosed for something else. Multiple appointments and questionnaires and digging into things. Yesterday he diagnosed me with ADHD and another thing. I'm still wrapping my brain around all of it and learning what it means and what to do about it. I still don't have an answer for what I originally came to my doctor about so my diagnosis journey isn't over and things may be more complicated.

ADHD is not at all the end of the world. It's a mix of strengths and weaknesses - preternatural focus when you want it, a love of variety when you don't, curiousity, risk-taking, a tendency towards impulsivity and hyperactivity on the downside. These can be great in all sorts of jobs and life situations, and as the article notes, if you can make a system work for your brain, it will *definitely* work for neurotypicals.

ADHD has its challenges but what life doesn't? Welcome to the Club!

I had an appt yesterday with a PCP to get meds prescribed and between the scheduler and the nurse previsit no one asked me to upload my records or drop them off 5 minutes from me. So the visit started and then was canceled to review and then set another appt. So frustrating. I can only imagine how difficult this is for people who are not as versed in healthcare in the USA as I am. I have worked in it for 20 years and in MH too and these hiccups are obnoxious.

I should have a visit coming soon and I dropped off my eval records at the clinic right after.

Panda I have general resources and education if you want?

pandasuit wrote:

I'm 40. I've been talking to my doctor about getting diagnosed for something else. Multiple appointments and questionnaires and digging into things. Yesterday he diagnosed me with ADHD and another thing. I'm still wrapping my brain around all of it and learning what it means and what to do about it. I still don't have an answer for what I originally came to my doctor about so my diagnosis journey isn't over and things may be more complicated.

This was exactly my experience as well. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to hit me up on Discord anytime.

Robear wrote:

ADHD is not at all the end of the world. It's a mix of strengths and weaknesses - preternatural focus when you want it, a love of variety when you don't, curiousity, risk-taking, a tendency towards impulsivity and hyperactivity on the downside. These can be great in all sorts of jobs and life situations, and as the article notes, if you can make a system work for your brain, it will *definitely* work for neurotypicals.

ADHD has its challenges but what life doesn't? Welcome to the Club!

Interesting article with some relation to the life I’ve sort of fallen into accidentally.

Spoiler:

After university I got into the startup world and have spent my entire professional career starting and running companies or leading technical for other companies. All were very much a startup. Last year the startup I’ve spent the most recent years working on was acquired by Microsoft and now that’s where I work. We’re now a group in MSFT but startup is still embedded in our culture.

Microsoft is very knowledgeable about neurodiversity. Our managers are apparently trained in how to manage neurodiverse employees, everyone receives training in how to promote an inclusive workplace (it was mandatory when I started), and people seem to very much be valued for their diversity. For a long time I’ve thought I was one specific form of neurodiverse and that’s what I was trying to get a diagnosis for. Mostly because some of my new coworkers recognized I was like them and we’ve been talking about how much their diagnosis helped them.

Now I have a different neurodiverse diagnosis and the more I read about it the more I realize how many strategies I use in my life to cope with its negatives and harness it’s positives and I’ve been doing most of those since grade school. I’ve also now realized that my manager knows or at least suspects and has been using tactics to help me be productive for quite a while. In the 2 days I’ve known about my diagnosis I’ve found 3 coworkers in my group who also have ADHD and we’re willing to talk to me about it.

That “Comfort in Chaos” part really hit home for me. I’ve been through many many rough times in my startup career and people tend to lean on me as the solid rock during a crisis. It tends to bring out the best in me or at least provide a situation where I shine more than others.

Amoebic wrote:

This was exactly my experience as well. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to hit me up on Discord anytime.

I appreciate the offer and may take you up on it eventually. I’d be more willing to talk about all my various challenges in a private setting.

It's an interesting ride, discovering this stuff about yourself. I've had a diagnosis since 2004 and still learn new things every month or so.

Vargen wrote:

Today I went back on meds for the first time in a decade.

According to the forum software, "Today" was twelve days ago.

I just realized I still haven't remembered to swing by the doctor's office and pick up the paperwork that I left for her to review. The ones from my initial diagnosis in 1994 that she needed to review before she could prescribe me the meds...

I get the impression there is a connection between ADHD and difficulty sticking to exercise routines.

When I was younger I got my exercise by being active in sports. Sports were fun and intense (I’m very competitive) and exercise was a free side effect. Over the years as an adult I’ve played sports with friend groups and that has helped but eventually those deteriorate and I have little motivation to keep doing the sport. This might also be related to the other things I have but might just now be I have no one else holding me accountable to showing up and I rely on that.

Over the past few years I’ve tried video game exercise as an alternative. The idea being if the video game is fun I’ll stick with it and there is nearly no barrier to just trying it so I won’t get bogged down.

What I find is that all the video game exercise eventually stops being interesting and I lose my motivation for it. I know I should do it but I just stop. VR based exercise has lasted the longest for me but eventually gets stale too. I don’t have anyone else holding me accountable to stick with it here either so it’s like my experience with sports as an adult.

Is that my ADHD?

Have you found something fun and novel enough that you stick to it?

I’ve considered trying to put a running or cycling machine in front of my desk so I use it while I’m entertained playing games (with a controller) but the barrier to just trying that is a lot higher.

I get regular exercise because the dog needs walks. It's not enough, but it's better than nothing.

Also I discovered that I respond well to the little rings on the Apple Watch. It's a real morale boost to see that I'm getting credit for all the incidental movement I do chasing my toddler and such. If I'm short at the end of the day then I can hop on the elliptical for however many minutes I'm missing. Makes the whole thing feel more manageable.

It still isn't quite the level of exercise my body and brain need, but it's a lot better than I'd get without them.

Re: ADHD and exercise

Not an expert (or a neurodiverse person), but the drifting away from established exercise routines is soooo commonplace that it's not the ADHD (though perhaps that's an additional difficulty multiplier).

Everything gets stale if you keep doing the same thing, ADHD or not. Preventing the staleness from creeping in is the key to success there.

I used to do martial arts several times a week. It being a group class, I was forced to participate. It being martial arts, I had to PAY ATTENTION or get smacked somewhere. That combination was gold.