NFL 2021: The Week 13 thread

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No intro this week; I've been on the road dealing with personal nonsense all week. No, I'm not avoiding Sunday's Panthers-related foolishness. Yes, the Panthers now officially suck. No, Matt Rhule won't leave the Panthers for a college gig. Yes, we are stuck with him for at least one more season and probably longer. No, he won't ever draft an offensive lineman. Yes, he'll keep throwing draft picks at QBs.

Any more questions? No? Good. Let's get to it.

GIFS OF THE WEEK (AND A VIDEO)

Leonard Fournette, ladies and gentlemen. FOUR TDs!

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/UhOHy2z791ZABCEgfz/giphy.gif)

Man, what an ugly game. But what a sweet moment!

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/rVKEurs9n9gNuvJRBl/giphy.gif)

BIG GUY SCORE. Hard to believe a 280-pound man can block a kick AND return it for two points but there you go.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/G8pITircPYdSdqDL2q/giphy.gif)

Deebo is good, y'all.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/TH5WQhVp9mzaIvfLAE/giphy.gif)

His QB? Not so much. Shanny fired up the bus and ran over Jimmy G in the post-game presser. Then a little birdie whispered into Ian Rapoport's ear that Legion's man crush might get traded. Here are three possible destinations. If Jimmy G's agent loves him, he'll keep him out of Charlotte, where QBs go to die.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/GrAPZwu4LFJ2WzULuW/giphy.gif)

O-FOR-NOVEMBER!

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/t0TdBEvnfWOAMlzsit/giphy.gif)

Look! It's Eric Waddle waddling.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/5FrNvlz4WQqV34mtfc/giphy.gif)

The Other/Better Josh Allen would have jammed the whole damn turkey leg into his mouth.

PICTURE OF THE WEEK

Kirk Cousins, ladies and gentlemen:

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/Mo4w2yA.png)

(Here's video evidence.)
On fourth down too! Cousins is a Butt Fumble in human form.

STAT OF THE WEEK

Let's get to it: Panther QB Cam Newton completed just 23.8 percent of his passes Sunday. That's terrible by any statistical measure. It's terrible in graphics form, too:

IMAGE(https://charts-cdn-a.nextgenstats.nfl.com/static-charts/900/pass-chart_NEW693984_2021-REG-12_1638133356565.jpeg)

Why this qualifies as my stat of the week: It's the worst completion percentage for any NFL QB with 20+ throws in a game since 2004, when Joey Harrington of the Lions completed just 22.7 percent of his passes in a game against Green Bay.

Harrington's stat line: 5 for 22, 47 yards, 2 sacks, 29 yards rushing. His completed passes went to Roy Williams, Shawn Bryson, Az-Zahir Hakim, Tai Streets and Casey Fitzsimmons. Yikes.

Yes, that's right. I compared Cam Newton (No. 1 overall pick, former league MVP) to Joey Harrington (first-round draft pick, NOT a former MVP, probably best suited to be a middle school math teacher).

Ow this hurts. Can I stop now? Please??

HISTORICAL STAT OF THE WEEK

Here's something I noticed when I was looking up Joey Harrington's draft class (2002):

There's only one Hall of Fame player in that entire class, according to PFR. It's DB Ed Reed, taken 24th overall. One seems low, right? You think there would be more?

PS: It looks like there should be a couple more guys from that class to make it: DE Julius Peppers (retired in 2018) and DE Dwight Freeney (retired in 2017). Overall, though, the 2002 draft class seems weaker a Jets-Texans game.

PANTHERS GIF OF THE WEEK

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/Jq7WUBf71Gju1vTe2A/giphy.gif)

My team's season is over. See ya in the playoffs.

POWER RANKINGS

Via NFL.com this week:

1. Packers (2 last week)
2. Cardinals (1)
3. Bucs (3)
4. Chiefs (4)
5. Jaguars (30)*

* Kidding! The Jags aren't even in the top 10. The Patriots are No. 5.

Biggest gainer: Bengals (+8 to 7th)

Biggest loser: THE AINTS!!!! (-7 TO 25th and above only the Seahawks, Bears, Falcons, Jets, Texans, Jags and Lions, sorry teams all).

PLAYOFF WATCH

AFC division leaders: Ravens (8-3), Patriots (8-4), Titans (8-4), Chiefs (7-4)

AFC wild cards: Bengals (7-4), Bills (7-4), Chargers (6-5)

AFC in the hunt: Broncos and Raiders (6-5), Colts and Browns (6-6)

NFC division leaders: Cardinals (9-2), Packers (9-3), Bucs (8-3), Cowboys (7-4)

NFC wild cards: Rams (7-4), Niners (6-5), Footballers (5-6)

NFC in the hunt: Vikings, Falcons, Saints (5-6)

MVP WATCH

Via ESPN:

Tom Brady, Lamar Jackson, Dak Prescott, Kyler Murray/Josh Allen the QB, Matthew "Matt" Stafford in that order.

I honestly don't think that's very creative -- or all that correct. Is Brady really having an MVP year? (The Bucs lost to WFT, FFS.) Is Dak overrated as usual? How can the corpse of Matt Stafford be in the MVP race if the Rams went 0-for-November? Is Josh Allen the QB really the best Josh Allen in the NFL? And what about Joe Burrow if he drags the Bengals into the playoffs? Or QAaron? (who's still a great QB despite *waves hands* everything)? Or LB Micah Parsons? Or Mike Evans and his 10 TDs? Or Deebo? Or Cooper Kupp? Or HEY DARNOLD?

Haha. Just seeing if you're paying attention there at the end. I think Brady has a pretty good case, especially if the Bucs stop losing to crappy teams and Leonard Fournette stops scoring all the touchdowns.

WEEK 13 SCHEDULE

With coverage maps!

Thursday night: Cowboys at Saints (Fox, NFL, Prime)

Sunday early: Giants at Dolphins, Colts at Texans, Vikings at Lions, Eagles at Jets, Cardinals at Bears, *Chargers at Bengals*, Bucs at Falcons

Sunday late: Jags at Rams, Footballers at Raiders, Ravens at Steelers (GOTW), Niners at Seahawks

Sunday night: Broncos at Chiefs (NBC)

Monday night: **Patriots at Bills** (ESPN + ManningCast)

Off: Panthers (THANK GOD), Browns, Packers, Titans

BEFORE WE GO

Speaking of Tom Brady:

"I think I can manage the offense!" LOL

As pointed out by ESPN yesterday, Lincoln Riley's family gets access to private planes, but the Roys from Succession don't.

Broncos Sunday night. If they can win, they go from out, chasing wildcard, to division leaders. Come on Teddy.

Cam Newton, Ryan Tannehill, and Jalen Hurts walk into a bar.

Nobody completes a pass.

IMAGE(https://u.cubeupload.com/MilkmanDanimal/thatsthejoke.jpg)

Oh man, the bit about Cam and the hats at the end of the vid was funny.

Enix, sorry for your loss.

My birthday is Sunday. My present is that I am not going to have to watch the Browns this week.

UpToIsomorphism wrote:

My birthday is Sunday. My present is that I am not going to have to watch the Browns this week.

Happy birthday! I plan to celebrate your big day by (a) not watching the Browns either, (b) not watching the Panthers and (c) cleaning out my shed (which is not code for "watching Panthers highlights from 2015").

Goddamn right Deebo goes in the banner. The league's 4th leading receiver, which doesn't count his 203 rushing yards and 5 rushing TDs. Sadly, he's going to miss a week or two with a groin strain.

Enix wrote:

His QB? Not so much. Shanny fired up the bus and ran over Jimmy G in the post-game presser. Then a little birdie whispered into Ian Rapoport's ear that Legion's man crush might get traded. Here are three possible destinations. If Jimmy G's agent loves him, he'll keep him out of Charlotte, where QBs go to die.

I mean, we've known all along this offseason was the sell-by date for Garoppolo's 49er tenure. The question was whether they would be trading him or releasing him. It sounds like there's more of a trade market for him than previously believed. That's no doubt aided by a weak QB draft class which, in Dane Brugler's first 2022 mock draft for The Athletic, doesn't have a QB going until pick #10. It's not quite the E.J. Manuel 2013 draft, but it might turn out to be the weakest one since then.

The 3 destinations in that post make sense, but the one that I think is missing is the Houston Texans. I thought it made sense before given Nick Caserio's presence in Houston. Plus, the 49ers play Houston in week 17, so the Texans will get a close up look at Jimmy right before the season ends. If David Culley doesn't get the axe, he's going to need an immediate upgrade at QB. And if Deshaun Watson does manage to get sufficiently clear of legal issues for an NFL team to touch him again, the Texans would be able to get back in trade whatever draft capital they gave up for Jimmy, plus more.

Enix wrote:

MVP WATCH

Via ESPN:

Tom Brady, Lamar Jackson, Dak Prescott, Kyler Murray/Josh Allen the QB, Matthew "Matt" Stafford in that order.

I honestly don't think that's very creative -- or all that correct. Is Brady really having an MVP year? (The Bucs lost to WFT, FFS.) Is Dak overrated as usual? How can the corpse of Matt Stafford be in the MVP race if the Rams went 0-for-November? Is Josh Allen the QB really the best Josh Allen in the NFL? And what about Joe Burrow if he drags the Bengals into the playoffs? Or QAaron? (who's still a great QB despite *waves hands* everything)? Or LB Micah Parsons? Or Mike Evans and his 10 TDs? Or Deebo? Or Cooper Kupp? Or HEY DARNOLD?

First of all, we already decisively settled the Josh Allen question. We had a whole football game about it.

Secondly, you drop a whole paragraph about the MVP race and don't even mention M(VP)cCorkle.

That said, I'll let you off easy thanks to slipping Deebo onto that list.

The Saints putting Jimmy G on their roster would be hilarious from a money perspective.

garion333 wrote:

The Saints putting Jimmy G on their roster would be hilarious from a money perspective.

He'll have one year left on his contract with no guaranteed money, so there's plenty of room for the Saints to use a contract extension to restructure his 2022 contract details and bring his cap figure way down for next year.

The way I would imagine it would be to add 2 years onto his deal, turning a bunch of his 2022 money into guarantees in 2023 and 2024. It would give them a reasonable starting QB for a couple years while they look in drafts (probably not this one) for a young QB to eventually replace him with.

*Legion* wrote:

Secondly, you drop a whole paragraph about the MVP race and don't even mention M(VP)cCorkle.

I'm saving the Rookie QB Who Shall Not Be Mentioned for my upcoming Coach of the Year thread.

Enix wrote:
*Legion* wrote:

Secondly, you drop a whole paragraph about the MVP race and don't even mention M(VP)cCorkle.

I'm saving the Rookie QB Who Shall Not Be Mentioned for my upcoming Coach of the Year thread.

Mac Jones is also winning Coach of the Year? Damn, what a solid pick, way better than any other QBs taken in round one.

He also didn't comment on Lamar after the list. So I just assume we're all agreed that he's the man. Leading their division while also probably leading the league in number of injured players is pretty impressive.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:
Enix wrote:
*Legion* wrote:

Secondly, you drop a whole paragraph about the MVP race and don't even mention M(VP)cCorkle.

I'm saving the Rookie QB Who Shall Not Be Mentioned for my upcoming Coach of the Year thread.

Mac Jones is also winning Coach of the Year? Damn, what a solid pick, way better than any other QBs taken in round one.

Bill Belichick made a winner out of a flabby pasty earnest rookie who played college ball at a big-time program but wasn't a highly regarded pro prospect.

He also coached Tom Brady.

Guys guys guys . . . this might sound shocking, but I'm beginning to think Antonio Brown might be a dumbass.

John Franklin III? The kid from "Last Chance U"? He's still hanging around on someone's roster?

*checks link*

Free agent John Franklin III, if signed by a club, is also ineligible to play in the next three games.

Ah, nevermind.

Apparently he was on Tampa's IR all last season.

I better not be the only one here watching Taysom Time.

Punting duel.

I always forget it's Thursday. Also there's a hockey game on. Also Annie Live! (I'm always oddly compelled by what a trainwreck these live musicals turn out to be).

You did just get me to change the channel in time to see that pick.

*Legion* wrote:

I better not be the only one here watching Taysom Time.

I was, but got bored of it.

*Legion* wrote:

I better not be the only one here watching Taysom Time.

I turned it on a moment ago just in time to see him have a wide-open receiver running towards the pylon 25 yards downfield and he threw the ball about three yards short.

His rep as a passer was not that great with ten healthy fingers.

Air Taysom!

*Legion* wrote:

Air Ball Taysom!

Does New Orleans not have any fans?

The crowd was more pumped at the apparently fumble recovery by Dallas, and hardly reacted when the call was overturned and the Saints got the ball back.

I just tuned in for another Hill interception.

And then Dallas passed twice, up 10 with 6 minutes left.

Aikman sounds really sad/mad about his team being dumb.

Dallas defense trying to win, Dallas offense trying to give it away

Haha another interception

I never watch postgame press conferences, but I might have to catch this one for Payton's response to "Hey you paid a lot of money to a semi-QB who sucks balls what is up with that".

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