NFL 2020: Week 16!

I'm in a mood this week, so let's get started with some HOT OR NOT WITH AN EMPHASIS ON NOT BECAUSE LIKE I SAID I'M IN A MOOD AND YES MY CAPSLOCK IS STUCK SCREW YOU FOR POINTING THAT OUT I'M NOT BLIND DAMMIT

*ahem*

OK, let's do this:

NOT: The Rams, who lost to the damn Jets and this doofus:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/KYoNHDrCFoIuswxp5C/giphy.gif)

NOT: Jared Goff, who played like GaReD JoFf on Sunday.

NOT: The Jets, who by winning a game might have cost themselves Trevor Lawrence.

NOT: Big Ben and the Steelers, who looked awful against the Bengals.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/I6O0M66561kBVSaURP/giphy.gif)

NOT: The Patriots, who will miss the playoffs for the first time since the Steve Grogan era. (At least that what it feels like.)

NOT: Carolina HC Matt Rhule, who fired the GM who stood between him and an entire roster of ex-Temple and ex-Baylor players. (Problem is for the Panthers, there are way more Tahir Whiteheads than Robby Andersons out there.)

NOT: Former Washington Football Team captain Dwayne Haskins, who's a [email protected]. A guy who seems to be unaware that there's a pandemic that has KILLED MORE THAN 1.7 MILLION PEOPLE WORLDWIDE certainly can't be trusted to figure out if the opposing team is in man or zone.

NOT: The Saints, who (rightly) believe that 25 percent (rounded up) of Drew Brees is better than 200 percent of Taysom Tebow.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/HbMwIhHexDysVDcyAu/giphy.gif)

But, man, that Saints defense tho. They're legit.

NOT: Lions DB Alex Myres, who got a Derrick Henry stiff arm straight to the depths of Hell.

NOT: The Cowboys, Jets, Bengals, Jaguars and Panthers, which are the only five NFL teams without a 2020 Pro Bowl selection.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/8xaPD3earjFFNtuAz8/giphy.gif)

HOT: Mahomes. Even when he's bad, he's good, and when he's great he's otherworldly. I mean, just look at this!

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/ge3pM8ihno6cumCDgU/giphy.gif)

PLAYOFF PICTURE

With two games to go:

AFC

Who's in: Chiefs (clinched AFC West), Bills (clinched AFC East), Steelers; Chiefs have a 99 percent chance of grabbing the first-round bye (via 538, which is where all of this week's percentages come from)

Contenders: Titans (98 percent chance of making the playoffs), Browns (93 percent), Colts (92 percent), Ravens (86 percent), Dolphins (31 percent).

NFC

Who's in: Packers (clinched NFC North), Saints, Seahawks; Packers have a 79 percent chance of getting the bye.

Contenders: Bucs (99 percent), Rams (98 percent), FOOTBALL TEAM (75 percent) Cardinals (70 percent), Bears (31 percent), Giants (10 percent), Eagles (9 percent), HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS (5 percent)

If you don't like Nate Silver, try the New York Times' playoff predictor.

WEEK 16 SCHEDULE
(with your coverage maps)

Some decent matchups PLUS games on Friday and Saturday. No coal in your NFL stocking this year!

Thursday: NO GAMES. It's Xmas Eve. Spend it with your damn families or something.

Friday: Santa's bringing us Vikings-Saints (4:30 p.m., Fox, etc.)
... Upon further review, forget what I said earlier. This game is a GIANT lump of coal hidden inside a PS5 box (but without the PS5, which is backordered until the Jaguars win a Super Bowl. You're asking me to watch Kirk Cousins and Drew Brees?! I'll pull for a roof collapse first, then a giant meteor.

Saturday: Bucs-Lions (1 p.m., NFL), Niners-Cards (4:30 on the Bezos Channel), Dolphins-Raiders (8:15 p.m., NFL)

Sunday early: **Colts-Steelers**, FaLOLcons-Chiefs, Bears-Jags, Bengals-Texans, Giants-Ravens, Browns-Jets

Sunday late: Panthers-Washington (moved from 1 p.m.), Broncos-Chargers, Eagles-Cowboys, *Rams-Seahawks*

Sunday night: ***Titans-Packers***

Monday: Bills-Patriots

Merry Christmas, everybody.

A late addition to the NOT list: The Lions, who might be without their interim HC, their DC and three defensive assistants on Sunday because Covid.

Merry Christmas football.

Enix wrote:

A late addition to the NOT list: The Lions, who might be without their interim HC, their DC and three defensive assistants on Sunday because Covid.

Are we entirely sure being without their coaching staff is actually a bad thing for the Lions?

Enix wrote:

NOT: The Rams, who lost to the damn Jets and this doofus:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/KYoNHDrCFoIuswxp5C/giphy.gif)

Why does he have so many memorable gifs?

Rat Boy wrote:
Enix wrote:

NOT: The Rams, who lost to the damn Jets and this doofus:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/KYoNHDrCFoIuswxp5C/giphy.gif)

Why does he have so many memorable gifs?

BAD FACE?

Or he's a douche?

I don't really know.

Thanks for keeping the threads up and going, Enix. Takes a lot of work, I know.

garion333 wrote:

I don't really know.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/fMAJZrbRhObQVXoERR/giphy.gif)

Nobody knows.

You know that once Darnold retires and is no longer on an NFL training regimen, he's gonna collect chins.

What would it take for the Steelers to collapse themselves into a Browns Division Title.

Man, 2020 is a weird year.

Enix wrote:

A late addition to the NOT list: The Lions, who might be without their interim HC, their DC and three defensive assistants on Sunday because Covid.

Update: Lions will be without five coaches on Saturday*: the HC, DC and three others. Robert Prince, aka the WR coach, will be acting head coach.

Also (and this is the best part): The Lions will be only the second team in NFL history to have three head coaches in one season. The first: the 1941 Pittsburgh Steelers. (source)

* Edit bc I can't read a calendar

The fact that the Ravens will likely miss the playoffs with an 11-5 record and the Snyders of Landover will be a 4 seed with 6 wins is enough to make this suburban Marylander apoplectic .

Paleocon wrote:

The fact that the Ravens will likely miss the playoffs with an 11-5 record and the Snyders of Landover will be a 4 seed with 6 wins is enough to make this suburban Marylander apoplectic .

Cleveland and/or Miami are not ready for prime time. One or both will choke and let the Ravens in.

Stele wrote:
Paleocon wrote:

The fact that the Ravens will likely miss the playoffs with an 11-5 record and the Snyders of Landover will be a 4 seed with 6 wins is enough to make this suburban Marylander apoplectic .

Cleveland and/or Miami are not ready for prime time. One or both will choke and let the Ravens in.

Divisions are the Electoral College. Sometimes they screw you, sometimes it helps you.

Stele wrote:
Paleocon wrote:

The fact that the Ravens will likely miss the playoffs with an 11-5 record and the Snyders of Landover will be a 4 seed with 6 wins is enough to make this suburban Marylander apoplectic .

Cleveland and/or Miami are not ready for prime time. One or both will choke and let the Ravens in.

I think our best chances are the Bills knocking off Miami

I can’t think of a better 2020 story than the Football team making the playoffs at 7-9 with the Poison Dwarf in the middle of a sexual assault scandal.

garion333 wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:
Enix wrote:

NOT: The Rams, who lost to the damn Jets and this doofus:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/KYoNHDrCFoIuswxp5C/giphy.gif)

Why does he have so many memorable gifs?

BAD FACE?

Or he's a douche?

I don't really know.

Thanks for keeping the threads up and going, Enix. Takes a lot of work, I know. ;)

Is it just me or does he look...dirty? Every time I see him it looks like he hasn't bathed, or washed his face or maybe he's spent the last week in the mountains eating jerky and sitting around a firepit.

I thought it was the non-shaving but it also seems to be his unkempt hair? Maybe the dirty white of the Jets unis makes it worse? He just looks 180 degrees from whatever Jimmy G is doing in this area (now there's a man whose grooming you can set your watch to).

Merry Christmas to those of you who have Alvin Kamara on your fantasy line-ups this weekend.

Rat Boy wrote:

Merry Christmas to those of you who have Alvin Kamara on your fantasy line-ups this weekend.

I'm in the championship game of my offline friends league for the first time in my seven years playing FF. And wouldn't you know it... Alvin Kamara is actually on my team.

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/WkEos6l.jpeg)

Good luck to those of you still in the hunt.

JLS wrote:

I'm in the championship game of my offline friends league for the first time in my seven years playing FF. And wouldn't you know it... Alvin Kamara is actually on my team.

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/WkEos6l.jpeg)

Good luck to those of you still in the hunt.

"And to the other folks in my FF league ... SUCK IT LOOSERS!!1!"

Congrats, man. That's gotta feel goooood.

Blaine Gabbert; 9/15, 143 yards, 2 TDs. CUT BRADY, THE FUTURE IS NOW.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Blaine Gabbert; 9/15, 143 yards, 2 TDs. CUT BRADY, THE FUTURE IS NOW.

Why do you think Rosen skipped town? He saw the writing on the wall.

Now that they're in the Trevor Lawrence seat, the Jags announced that they're going back to Glennon at QB.

EDIT: On the "Scout's Feed" alternate audio of the Niners/Cardinals broadcast on Amazon, Daniel Jeremiah just joked-but-not-really about the Jags putting Glennon back in as starter because it's "too dicey" to play Minshew now, with the #1 pick in reach.

You guys wanna borrow Kevin White?

We need Wide Receivers, not whatever he is.

IT'S FITZMAGIC TIME BABY!

The fourth quarter of the Miami-Vegas game was WILD. And the game-clinching play had Fitzpatrick completing a no-look* heave of a pass and ... just watch the highlights.

* Technically a no-look pass because a Raiders defender has his fingers in Fitzpatrick's face mask and had almost owl'd his head by the time Fitzpatrick YOLO'd it 30 yards downfield

Edit: Video proof

Scorigami.

f*cking Raiders might have just kept Lamar out of playoffs. That was over

Enix wrote:

IT'S FITZMAGIC TIME BABY!

The fourth quarter of the Miami-Vegas game was WILD. And the game-clinching play had Fitzpatrick completing a no-look* heave of a pass and ... just watch the highlights.

* Technically a no-look pass because a Raiders defender has his fingers in Fitzpatrick's face mask and had almost owl'd his head by the time Fitzpatrick YOLO'd it 30 yards downfield

Edit: Video proof

Hilarious.

Not sure what Vegas was thinking tbh. Miami tried to give them the TD on 2nd goal. They probably should of seriously gone for it on 3rd down.

Sure the % of Miami getting in FG range with 1-2 plays is low but the 20-30 yard throw + any sort of 15y penalty gets you there.

Yeah I never understood that line of thinking the Raiders did near the end of the game. Unless you can kick the game winning FG with no time or less than a few seconds it’s better to line up in victory formation on 3rd down and then QB sneak at the last second for a TD. I always favor making the other team drive the entire way with no time outs and under a minute than give up the FG

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/fMAJZrbRhObQVXoERR/giphy.gif)

This man is somehow doing the very least amount of work this season to keep from getting replaced by the #1 overall pick in the draft.

Confirmed piece of sh*t Bruce Miller with a brutal helmet-to-helmet hit on a kick return that had the Bears kick returner struggling to walk straight afterwards. Matt Nagy screaming for Miller to be ejected.

I cannot wait for Miller and jerk-off Trent Baalke to both lose their jobs as the new regime comes to Jacksonville.