I'm on vacation this week and have still not recovered from the notion that the Panthers won’t go 3-13 this season (though it’s possible they drop their next 11, I suppose). So I’m dispensing with the random crap that pops into my head and try something else this week:
Quarterback controversies! Of which there are multiples.
Chargers: Tyrod Taylor vs Justin Herbert. Tyrod is snakebit, but Herbert can chuck that ball. HERBERT
Bears: Mitch “Mitchell” Trubisky vs Nick Foles. I think Foles tanked in camp so he could come in as the backup and save the day. It has happened before, right? FOLES, duh.
Dolphins: Fitzmagic vs Tua. An irresistible force (Tua aka Dolphins QB of the future) vs an immovable object (Fitzpatrick). IMMOVABLE BEARDED OBJECT
Niners: Jimmy G vs Nick Mullens vs BEATHARD: They don’t even add up for a full QB. And that’s sad, because the 49ers were fun to watch last season and now they’re not. JIMMY MULLHARD
Falcons: Matt Ryan vs Matt Schaub. OK, so get this: It’s Falcons 3rd and 4 at the Carolina 5. 8 and change left in the game. Falcons trail by 7. TD would be great but a FG is OK (bc if you get a stop and score, you’re either ahead or just down 1). A pass to the end zone works. If someone’s open, fire it to them. If no one’s open, chuck it into the stands. An incompletion is a good play; a sack isn’t fatal. And Matt Ryan … throws it right to a Carolina DB. Carolina then burns 7+ minutes off the clock, kicks a FG, goes up 10, ballgame. BURN IT ALL DOWN AND START SCHAUB
Cowboys: Corpse of Dak Prescott vs Corpse of Andy Dalton’s career. Dalton looked really good at the end of Sunday’s game, to be honest. I think the Cowboys will be OK (on offense; that D is horribad). DALTON
Bengals: Joe Burrow won’t make it to Thanksgiving if he keeps getting sacked like he did Sunday. JOE BURROW’S BODY DOUBLE
Washington: Dwayne Haskins (unmotivated) vs Kyle Allen (injured) vs Alex Smith (still brittle). Uh, wow. Huh. Oh, wait, TE Logan Thomas played QB in college! THOMAS
Saints: Brees vs Hill vs Jameis. I don’t know what it says about a team that (a) sometimes benches a first-ballot HoF but noodle-armed QB for Gadget Man, who has thrown 15 NFL passes but (b) won’t play a QB who has thrown more than 2,500 pro passes, most but not all in the general direction of his teammates. The Saints make no sense to me. ALVIN KAMARA
Patriots: Covid Cam vs Brian Hoyer vs Jarrett Stidham. Any football pundit (air quotes) who suggested that there was a hint of a QB competition this summer should lose their blue Twitter checkmark and both thumbs. CAM
PS: Because we’re all Bridgewater Stans here, Teddy’s having a nice little season. Joe Brady is scheming guy wide open, which helps. But Teddy is making good reads and throwing to the right spot. I still miss Cam in Carolina, but Teddy is miles better than last year’s platoon.
WEEK 6 SCHEDULE
Better than average, but last week's lineup looked pretty sorry and turned out to be epic so who knows?
Thursday night: No game! That stinks.
Sunday early: Usual local games; coverage maps are here. Steelers-Browns and Bears-Panthers are the two games featuring teams with winning records; DC-Giants, Falcons-Vikings and Lions-Jags are the Garbage Bowl games because these six teams have as many combined wins as the Bears.
Sunday late: Green Bay-Tampa Bay
Sunday night: Rams-Niners
Monday night: Chiefs-Bills at 5 (Fox, NFL, Amazon) and Cards-Boys at 8:15 (ESPN)