Late to the Party: Greg Never Played a Zelda Game

We're all busy people: living our lives, doing our doings, and lately trying to do it all without going to any of the places. Sometimes, we miss things. Sometimes, you forget to buy your spouse a birthday card, which has consequences ranging from meaningful sighs to the summoning of lawyers. Other times, you forget to play Legend of Zelda, which has consequences ranging from shocked silences to the summoning of flames heretofore reserved for things like proofing steel and climate control in Dante’s 6th circle (which is sort of fitting, now that I think about it).

So yeah, I never played a Zelda game, unless you count that hour or two of The Legend of Zelda that I played back in 2017 . But honestly, who remembers that far back? It has to be a decade or two ago, right? I bet you wouldn’t have even remembered if I hadn’t said anything.

I was aware of Zelda in its time, but when I saw people play it, it looked boring. There were few enemies, and the ones there were looked annoying to fight. Plus, there was no direction at all. What? I’m expected to go looking for stuff, and sometimes I’ll find stuff that I can’t do because I looked in the wrong place? And I’ll have to remember how to get back once I learned how to do the thing? And projectiles are limited? Nope, nope, nope.

Why would anyone play that when there were games like Jackal and Smash TV? Now those were games that knew what to do with a top-down perspective!

So yeah, I skipped Zelda. Deliberately, and with extreme prejudice. (I also thought Dragon Warrior was a case of legally actionable false advertising).

Say, is it getting warm in here?

The years have come and gone like a camouflaged lizard who’s recently discovered Taoism, and I’ve changed like everything else under its withering gaze. I’ve cultivated an appreciation of boring things like when people in flannel shirts cultivate an appreciation of beers that taste of soap. Have you seen my recent playtime? I put a dozen hours into a game that simulates painting a house.

I also played Breath of the Wild, and loved it to itty-bitty pieces. If that’s the feeling people had while playing the original Zelda games, sign me up!

But which one? There have been—and this is an accurate count—about seven million Zelda games. And that’s not even including those CD-I titles, which people like to pretend didn’t happen, or Majora's Mask, which people like to wish hadn’t happened. Shall I start with the earliest entry, or try to find the definitive experience? Will it be polygons or pixels? Should I be staring at the top of Link’s head, one of his shoulders, or his butt?

After some deliberation, I decided I should probably play the one that is considered the most seminal, the gold standard, if you will. I don’t think anyone would argue against that honor going to The Wand of Gamelon.

But that game is hard to come by. Plus, I don’t have a CD-I, and there don’t seem to be any reliable emulators for it. Certainly not any I’m comfortable installing on my PC.

So, I guess I’ll have to go with A Link to the Past because it’s also seminal, and because I already have access to it through my Switch Online membership. It’s kind of like watching Rocky V because Rocky IV isn’t available on Netflix; it will have to do. Do you see the sacrifices I make for you people?

Also, this month is the 28th anniversary of the North American release of A Link to the Past, which if you ask me, should have been clue enough as to which one I was going to play.

So here’s the deal: I’m going to take a month to play as much of Linkage to Days of Yore as I can, and at the end of this month, I will report back with my impressions. With luck, I’ll finally understand the hype. Or with a different kind of luck, I’ll have something humorous to say about it. Perhaps both.

Either way, see you later this month!

Comments

I also played Breath of the Wild, and loved it to itty-bitty pieces. If that’s the feeling people had while playing the original Zelda games, sign me up!

All downhill from here, sadly.

Coincidentally, my niece suddenly texted me the other day, asking if I had Majora's Mask and an N64. For some reason, she has decided she wants to play all the Zelda games (a feeling I know will not last too long). "What streamer's been playing that you're suddenly interested?" I ask. "None of them. Just let me borrow it." Some fifteen or so minutes after informing her I can dig up my 3DS Remaster, she asks if I've ever heard of Ben Drowned. I had, though I'd forgotten all about it. It came back to me as she described it, and I let out a massive sigh as she described her desires to cosplay this ghost Link that cries tears of blood.

I hope your trip down Zelda lane will go down far better than hers, because I'm pretty sure she'll get about as far as I did in Majora's Mask before calling it quits and her journey into the franchise will be a brief flash in the pan.

I also wish you luck because, despite having loved the game when I was younger, I've found it a bit more rough in recent years. The best recommendation I can make is to always have at least one green or blue potion in the Dark World dungeons with which to fill your magic meter, to use the hookshot on the sliding penguins in the ice dungeon and to stop your slippery momentum, and to use the magician's cape in the final few dungeons quite liberally, should the onslaught of opponents seem overbearing.

I guess I’ll have to go with A Link to the Past

Best choice, good luck. I know you are not afraid in googling if you get stuck or dont know where to go next. Have fun,put your 1992 glasses on.

Yes. I want to read all of this

So, I guess I’ll have to go with A Link to the Past

Someone get Clocky.

For me, the best Zelda games are the (current) extreme bookends: the original, and Breath of the Wild. Probably because BotW really is the first Zelda that feels like a sequel to the original.

I am deeply skeptical of BotW 2. Not that we have much to go on, but I have a strong gut feeling that it's going to be a much more directed, and less exploratory, experience. I'd bet (small amounts of) money a lot of the Zelda-isms from all those in-between games start getting reintroduced.

I recently spent a weekend playing the original Legend of Zelda start to finish with my 3 kids watching as spectators, and occasionally getting their own turns on the controls. I was amazed at how many secrets of that game I had retained from memory. Honestly, it was a spectacular experience and I'm super glad we did it. For me, that game still holds up and was a real joy to play.

*Legion* wrote:
So, I guess I’ll have to go with A Link to the Past

Someone get Clocky.

For me, the best Zelda games are the (current) extreme bookends: the original, and Breath of the Wild. Probably because BotW really is the first Zelda that feels like a sequel to the original.

I am deeply skeptical of BotW 2. Not that we have much to go on, but I have a strong gut feeling that it's going to be a much more directed, and less exploratory, experience. I'd bet (small amounts of) money a lot of the Zelda-isms from all those in-between games start getting reintroduced.

This is pretty much me too. While I've played most of the Zelda games, only three have actually held me interest long enough for me to finish them: The Legend of Zelda, The Adventures of Link, and Breath of the Wild.

I also really loved how Wind Waker looked and played, even if I never got close to finishing it.

A Link to the Past is easily my favorite Zelda game and easily near the top of my list for favorite games of all time. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on it!