Introducing The Joyconjurer


Greetings Goodjers!

Let's face it: our lives are messy, complex, and exhausting. Pursuing a hobby like gaming demands our time, our energy, and our resources. Often, real life can get in the way of our hobby, and sometimes our hobby can get in the way of real life.

But this is where community steps in. We lift and support each other. Everyone brings their own unique talents and abilities, and we all reap the benefits of our collective wisdom. As such, I'd like to introduce myself. You know me on the forums as TheHarpoMarxist, but I have recently become a Joyconjurer. That's right, I've mastered the school of magic heavily focused on conjuring joy!

Should you require a fresh perspective on any aspect of your life, the Joyconjurer Code demands that I be there for you. Think of me as on old school hint line, but for reality instead of King's Quest. Send me your queries, your missives, your quandaries. I'll take stock of your situation and the inventory you have at your disposal. From there, I'll help you chart a path forward.


Q: So wait, is this an advice column?
A: Don't be so reductive!

Q: It is an advice column, isn't it?
A: *sigh* It is.

Q: What can we ask you about? Does it have to be gaming related?
A: You can ask about anything. Seriously. Want to know the next game to get based on your taste? I can help. Do you need assistance navigating the convoluted, byzantine world of office politics? I've been there and can assist. Are you grappling with a complex emotional situation? I'm here for you.

Q: Can I write anonymously? Or do I have to use my, err... forum handle? Which, now that I think about it, is already fake name of sorts, and... uh-
A: You can write in as "Anon," and I'll happily take your question without revealing your… pseudonym. In fact, if you want to use a clever sign off like "Heart-broken in Hyrule" or "Sad in the Sunken City" you are absolutely encouraged to do so.

Q: What makes you qualified, other than proficiency in a school of magic?
A: I've been coaching people for my entire life, quietly readying myself for the mantle of Joyconjurer. Yes, even as a child, I was coaching people.

Q: Are there other gaming schools of magic?
A: Absolutely! The council of Game-ages includes the Playionic, the Nintendomancer, the Hex-boxer, the Thouyaturge, and the Archsega.

Q: How do I write in?
A: You can send your questions to [email protected].

I look forward to hearing from you.


Just be sure not to touch your eyes after sharing a JoyConjurer, or you might be at risk of JoyConjunctivitis.

Wash your hands, everyone, and do your part to help others avoid JoyContracting anything. It is flu season!

So wait, your goal here is to determine whether Joycons are guilty or innocent?

Like, totes guilty:

How does one become a Nintendomancer?!

Stevintendo wrote:

How does one become a Nintendomancer?!

I think it involves old cartridges with dead batteries, and (mumble, mumble, mumble)...

tormodh wrote:
Stevintendo wrote:

How does one become a Nintendomancer?!

I think it involves old cartridges with dead batteries, and (mumble, mumble, mumble)...

Definitely involves blowing on cartridges.