The Ballad of Blake Bortles has finally come to a close. Well, until Cody Kessler gets a concussion and the Great Bork gets his job back thanks to the Jags bringing literally no one else in this offseason. Even the Bills picked up AJ McCarron to compete with Josh Allen and Nathan Peterman, but theirs was always a lost season with a look toward the future.
While we could talk about how re-signing Bortles and not finding more OL was the reason the Jags 2018 season is in free fall, I want to pour one out for The Good Place, which will now have to work much harder to be funny.
Although, maybe the show should focus more on itself and less on football:
Hey, the Browns are doing better without Hue! And without Todd Haley. OC Kitchens has reportedly simplified and tailored things for Baker Mayfield. The results of the incredibly small sample are fairly positive:
Not only that, but when a coach is fired and then quickly hired by a division rival you'd think that coach would help the new team. Unfortunately for the Bengals they brought in a guy who was so out of touch with the team he used to run that the Bengals got absolutely smashed by the Browns. Supposedly the Browns didn't even bother changing their audibles and signs. Not that Hue would've known them.
But the Bengals are the Bungles and will continue bungling as, believe it or not, Hue Jackson is being considered for the Head Coaching job in Cincy after Marvin Lewis is gone. I'll be honest, this sounds like horsesh*t to me, planted by Hue Jackson and his media friends. Dude knows that a few leaks will get him a lot of good press and he's cashing in on some of those favors.
Drew Brees is continuing on his MVP path while having a down week with only 68% of his passes being completed for a measly 171 yards. Although he did manage to throw five TDs on only 22 passes, so he's clearly doing something right. His seasonal completion percentage has dropped a bit down to 76%, which is only 4% higher than the record he set last year. What a loser! To go with that drop, Michael Thomas' catch rate has dropped to a paltry 89%. I hear he's likely on the verge of being cut for his lack of effort.
Seriously, these numbers don't make any sense to me. The offensive explosion this year has exploded in ways I never thought possible. I mean even Josh Allen is avoiding the Bortles label with his play! Oh, wait, no, he's absolutely in line to be the next Bortles: Low completion percentage, lack of thrown TDs, high INT rate and lots and lots of sacks. At least the Jags didn't trade up for Blakey.
News flash! Amari Cooper is still a great route runner. I'm sure he enjoyed himself a big ol turkey sandwhich after feasting on Josh Norman and the other Washington corners. The key? He's being targeted more often. Shocker! I found this play to be especially tasty myself.
The Pats got back Gronk and RB Sony Michel to form the team we all hate who will now make it to the Super Bowl for the 738th time in a row. *yawn*
I feel bad for soon-to-be-ROTY Saquon Barkley that he continues to be brilliant but it's all for naught. It's nice to see the Eagles generate pass rush again, but sadly that won't be replicated again because the only player more statue-like than Manning is Brady and I have a feeling they won't be meeting Brady again this year.
There are currently three impressive winning streaks with the Colts at five in a row, the Texans at an astounding eight games in a row and the Saints in possible "peaking too early" status of 10 games in row. The only notable losing streak is the Jags at seven Bortles in a row.
The Seahawks beat the Titans to quietly have a winning record and shot at a Wild Card slot. Who saw that coming this year?
Mullensanity came back to earth. Am I the only one who reads his name as "Mullet" every time you see it? Mulletsanity would be more exciting than the offense the Niners currently have.
Leonard Fournette is a moron and won't be playing this week. Not that it matters since I traded him away in fantasy football and the Jags are wholly out of contention, but perhaps he's making a business decision and decided breaking his hand would be a good way to end his season and save his knees further punishment?
The Chargers lost Melvin Gordon for a few weeks (and not IR, thankfully) but have Joey Bosa back so they're ready to roll. The Chargers are now my dark horse for the Super Bowl because they're the most road tested team having played 11 straight games away from home.
Without Albert Wilson the Dolphins continue to be the world's most boring team. Is anyone interesting on the team? f*ck, I'm starting to think they need to fire Adam Gase and hire Jeff Fisher just to be more interesting.
Someone explain to me how the Broncos beat the Steelers?!?! The Broncos gave up over 500 yards on D and still won. I know, I know, turnovers, but in a game where your kicker throws a touchdown to your LT you are supposed to win! It's in the rules!
Okay, enough from me, hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. Real football begins now.