My Old-A** Body Is Breaking Down Catch-All

I'm not sure, I think they can be overrated. Like, you can't rely on just the bidet for a satisfactory cleaning. On the other hand, they are great for moistening things up and then making wiping much easier. Arguably, you can achieve a similar result using a nearby tap if desperate (I mean moisten the toilet paper itself not sit perched on the faucet!).

Mr GT Chris wrote:

Like, you can't rely on just the bidet for a satisfactory cleaning. On the other hand, they are great for moistening things up and then making wiping much easier.

Sounds like a weak bidet to me.

That reminds me of my very first encounter with a bidet, in a hotel in Italy. It kinda just shot up a wimpy stream of water like an elementary school drinking fountain, and I thought, what the hell is this?

With my bidet at home, it's more like I'm being back door pounded by the high-end Super Soaker that only the rich kid's parents could afford.

One of these days, I'll find the crafting recipe that lets me combine a bidet with a pneumatic air compressor, and blast my a**hole into the next county.

Aren't you glad you clicked on this thread?

Lenght in my family varies from 157cm to 196cm (all adults - and I am not talking about our A**ses)

Kind of pondering if a hand held bidet would be better. Not sure if there under-the-toilet-bides would be able to spray all angles and curves of every.body

Peoj Snamreh wrote:

Lenght in my family varies from 157cm to 196cm (all adults - and I am not talking about our A**ses)

Kind of pondering if a hand held bidet would be better. Not sure if there under-the-toilet-bides would be able to spray all angles and curves of every.body

You don't have a handheld shower head next to the main faucet in the bathroom over there? I don't think I've seen a bathroom without one here in Finland. It's attached to a long water.. cable and you can totally use it as a bidet.

Mr GT Chris wrote:

Arguably, you can achieve a similar result using a nearby tap if desperate (I mean moisten the toilet paper itself not sit perched on the faucet!).

"Moisten the toilet paper..."?

Two words, my friend... 'Poke Through'.

With my bidet at home, it's more like I'm being back door pounded by the high-end Super Soaker that only the rich kid's parents could afford.

One of these days, I'll find the crafting recipe that lets me combine a bidet with a pneumatic air compressor, and blast my a**hole into the next county.

Those are some vivid images there, *Legion*. If your current gig turns sour, you can always earn spare cash writing the mini descriptions for videos on... ahem ..."the Hub".

I do have sixteen years of bidet experience in Japan, just for reference. And, I’m not sure what the bidet power levels are over there but just caution that it’s a pretty sensitive part of your body so, if you’re feeling pain or seeing some blood when you wipe, tone it down a bit. Also, your bowels shouldn’t be filling up with water.

As for putting fingers through wet toilet paper, it can’t be that big a problem, I’ve never done it. I’d recommend folding to at least four sheets though! Or two if it’s double ply.

*Legion* wrote:

With my bidet at home, it's more like I'm being back door pounded by the high-end Super Soaker that only the rich kid's parents could afford.

One of these days, I'll find the crafting recipe that lets me combine a bidet with a pneumatic air compressor, and blast my a**hole into the next county.

These are some signature-worthy quotes.

Peoj Snamreh wrote:

Lenght in my family varies from 157cm to 196cm (all adults - and I am not talking about our A**ses)

Kind of pondering if a hand held bidet would be better. Not sure if there under-the-toilet-bides would be able to spray all angles and curves of every.body

Many are adjustable and you can move them around while they spray. I have a biobidet 2000 and it has six positions, five levels of pressure, and two stream types you can all change on the fly while it is spraying.

LeapingGnome wrote:
Peoj Snamreh wrote:

Lenght in my family varies from 157cm to 196cm (all adults - and I am not talking about our A**ses)

Kind of pondering if a hand held bidet would be better. Not sure if there under-the-toilet-bides would be able to spray all angles and curves of every.body

Many are adjustable and you can move them around while they spray. I have a biobidet 2000 and it has six positions, five levels of pressure, and two stream types you can all change on the fly while it is spraying.

You can also, you know, move your body around on the seat.

Mr GT Chris wrote:

I do have sixteen years of bidet experience in Japan, just for reference.

Is that on your resume?

Mr GT Chris wrote:

As for putting fingers through wet toilet paper, it can’t be that big a problem, I’ve never done it. I’d recommend folding to at least four sheets though! Or two if it’s double ply.

Erm... Neither have I(?)
But I can imagine that other people might struggle to achieve the correct level of moistness and therefore, inadvertently, Finger ---> Butt themselves.

It should be! :p

Fingerbutt? Well, they say every cloud has a silver lining!

I move we change this thread title to "My Old A** Is Being Hosed Down Catch-All".

Geez guys,

The last few posts in this thread has me laughing out loud, starting with Legion's vivid Super Soaker description

Love you all (and your colons)

If I bought a bidet, I would want one that has settings like "Oh, Dethroned is sitting down. His a**hole is a little to the left so I'll move over there". This way I'm not shooting water into the center of a cheek

"Pounded in the Ass by my Gigantic Bidet" Chuck Tingle's latest bathroom romp to the rump thriller.

DeThroned wrote:

If I bought a bidet, I would want one that has settings like "Oh, Dethroned is sitting down. His a**hole is a little to the left so I'll move over there". This way I'm not shooting water into the center of a cheek

Oh, is that the origin story of your GWJ handle?

merphle wrote:

Oh, is that the origin story of your GWJ handle?

Yes, the bidet was so strong, it knocked him off the throne, therefore making space an issue. That's his story, and I'm sticking to it.