I’m well ahead of the recovery curve for my little biceps tendon/rotator cuff issue, and I’m back on the horse. The NFL thread horse, not the kind of horse Lou Reed and Keith Richards are known for; I’ve been off those for almost a week. Also, narcotics suck, and I can’t imagine ever wanting to feel like that. Ugh. The good news is I’m going to have an awesome, sexy scar on the inside of my arm, and chicks dig scars. Armpit scars.
Blainke Borkbert overcame Blike Gabbles in a gripping, exciting matchup this weekend, only marred when Borkles and Gabtlert traded interceptions, before a final drive where Blagles made a few critical throws.
Is there honestly any reason to pretend there’s much difference between Blaine and Blake? Bruce Arians recently said Gabbert had been a bad QB because he’d played on “sh*tty teams”. Now, there’s the obvious “what comes first, the dead chicken or the rotten egg” thing, but, to be fair, Gabbert did really play on sh*tty, talent-starved teams. The “best” WRs during Gabbert’s tenure in Jacksonville were Mike Thomas, Mike Sims-Walker, Cecil Shorts, Ace Sanders, and that one year Justin Blackmon was actually sober enough to find the stadium. In SF, he had Wily Veteran (i.e., too slow to really be a downfield threat at all) Anquan Boldin, Quinton Patton, and Torrey Smith, who’s the kind of deep ball specialist Gabbert shouldn’t be allowed within 50 yards of. Now? Larry Fitzgerald, John Brown, JJ Nelson . . . there’s some talent to throw to. Blake Bortles has been gifted Allen Robinson, Allen Hurns, and Marquise Lee, who, A-Rob injury aside, are a really good young group at that position. I still don’t think Gabbert is anything other than a consistently awful QB, but, put Gabbert on the current Jacksonville team and make Bortles play with the effluvia Jacksonville had at WR a few years ago, and I would bet their stats at least regress to a still-crappy mean to a certain extent. So, just maybe, giving him some credit, with a tailwind, downhill, fingers crossed, there’s a chance Blaine Gabbert would have been just bad instead of the singly worst QB in the last 30 years of statistics measured by Football Outsiders.
Plus, we all know . . .
Oh, and based on all the rumors, I’ve found Blake Bortles’ official video:
Just a clip instead of the full 7+ minute version (that is on Youtube), though everyone should watch it and every other Kids in the Hall sketch because it’s the best sketch comedy show ever.
Phil Dawson managed a career-long game-winning field goal, even though he’s so old that he actually died three seasons ago and nobody ever bothered to tell him. Also, all usual Gabbert joking aside, those were two spectacularly nice passes there at the end of that game on that final drive. Even a stopped clock can hit a 12-yard out twice a career.
Julio Jones had 12 catches on 15 targets for two TDs, along with one rush for 15 yards. Back when the Falcons traded up with Cleveland to take him, I laughed at them for spending that much draft capital for one player, and was glad they were mortgaging their future. There are things in life we all regret.
Case Keenum has the Vikings rolling. Sam Bradford was all-world for one game before breaking. Teddy Bridgewater’s leg has been replaced with a shotgun like Rose McGowan from that one movie. None of them are under contract next year. Prediction—the Vikings get a first-round bye, win in the divisional round, lose in the championship game in heartbreaking fashion, and then make whatever QB decision will look worst in retrospect three years from now. As mentioned before, the Vikings are moving their HQ and practice facility to my suburb, not ten minutes from my house, on the site of the old Northwest Airlines headquarters. This can’t portend well for the future of my town. I expect Northwest originally built on top of a Native American burial ground, and I’ve seen Poltergeist.
Even Dallas fans like Abu can appreciate the look on Jerry Jones’ face as the Cowboys collapse, right? I just wish the Cowboys had gone something like 7-3 and then completely fallen apart. Also, screw Jerry Jones for making people root for Roger Goodell.
Eli Manning has been benched so the Giants can evaluate Geno Smith, which is like benching Andy Dalton so you can evaluate explosive diarrhea.
More or less Official NFL 2017 Thread Whipping Boy Joe Flacco had 141 yards on 32 attempts. To steal another of Legion’s posted stats, Flacco would have the seventh-lowest YPA in NFL history were the season to end today. At 5.3 yards/attempt, he is a full three yards behind Tom Brady’s league-leading 8.3. I’m pretty sure we’re getting close to being able to answer that “IS JOE FLACCO ELITE?” question at this point.
Cleveland has five games left to avoid a winless season. Games at the Chargers and Steelers seem unlikely to snap that, nor does a home game against Baltimore. Best odds are hoping Brett Hundley pulls a Kizer in Cleveland, or the Browns get lucky in Chicago. In unrelated news, Cleveland is going 0-16.
Jimmy Garoppolo is clearly the answer. 100% completion percentage. A patently INSANE 50% TD percentage. He’s even managed to amass those amazing passing statistics when he rushes the ball once for every two passes. Good GOD, how did the Patriots ever let him go?
Minnesota Vikings at Atlanta Falcons: What passes for optimism for me these days; nobody but Julio Jones did much against Tampa. Of course, they didn't need to. Xavier Rhodes has been really good against Julio in the past. So, him.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Green Bay Packers: Jameis Winston is back. So is Brett Hundley, who wasn't awful the other day. I'm taking Tampa, on the road, in December.
Kansas City Chiefs at New York Jets: Man, it was so exciting to be a Chiefs fan early in the year, wasn't it, Jayhawker?
Detroit Lions at Baltimore Ravens: Stafford's been a little gimpy, Flacco's been very Flacco. Baltimore's defense is really great, so taking them at home.
Philadelphia Eagles at Seattle Seahawks: This would be far more interesting if the Legion of Boom wasn't largely broken these days; just don't know if there's enough there to slow down the Eagles.
Week 12 Results
Rat Boy: 3-2
Season to Date
*Legion*: 41-19 <<< STILL ON TOP UNLIKE THE JAGS
Rat Boy: 34-26