NFL 2017 Week 11 Thread

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Your former-and-probably-for-a-while-soon-to-be Thursday NFL thread poster put something interesting up in last week’s thread; it’s a screenshot from PFF showing Greg Robinson’s rating for the year, which is inexplicably 36.6 out of 100.

IMAGE( http://u.cubeupload.com/MilkmanDanimal/GregRobinson.png)

This made no sense to me, as Greg Robinson is, well, Greg Robinson, and how could somebody conceivably be as bad as Greg Robinson as still be 36.6% above the potentially lowest value? How does this work?

Well, fellow NFL threaders (Threadees? Threadinators? Threadlings?), I have a sacred responsibility to the truth, so, with extensive research, I managed to reverse-engineer PFF’s proprietary stats, and figured out how they managed to award G-Rob 36.6 points.

0.7 Biped.

1.1 Saved every Little Sister.

0.2 Matthew Stafford? Not dead.

7.9 Played for Jeff Fisher.

0.8 Once nicely asked DE to not hit QB; Stafford still sacked, but politeness always appreciated.

1.3 Faces correct direction on the line of scrimmage at least 85% of the time.

1.5 Makes Ereck Flowers, T.J. Clemmings, and Chaz Green feel pretty darn good about themselves.

0.5 Replaced actual pass blocking ability with Genuine Folgers’ Crystals.

1.6 Doesn’t think of it as “failing at blocking”, thinks of it as “speedrunning offensive possessions”.

3.4 Named second team all-conference for Central Cal War Angels.

2.0 Not drafted by Cleveland.

2.1 Actually better career than fellow top 10 pick Justin Gilbert. So, you know, there’s that.

2.5 Does not have smallpox.

0.6 Never killed a guy. Well, except for Trevor, and nobody liked Trevor.

2.6 Has pictures of the PFF guys in compromising positions with farm animals.

0.8 Completed Los Angeles-Miami and Vancouver-Seattle in the same game.

0.4 Knows how to spell “NFL”.

0.1 Mains Hanzo.

1.0 Not Roger Goodell.

1.1 Not Jerry Jones.

0.9 Not Hitler.

0.7 Used to be a decent lineman, but then he took an arrow to the knee.

2.4 PFF is drunk.

So, again, I’m likely going to be out of it for a couple weeks; I have set myself up a power recliner to sleep in with a TV, Xbox, laptop, and a split keyboard so I can theoretically type, so there’s some vague chance I’m going to try to continue the threads so they’ll actually be funny in some way that doesn’t involve spending 37 hours researching the history of kickers, because even on heavy narcotics I’ll have better ways to spend my time. If not, well, enjoy your late Thursday afternoon NFL thread for a week or two.

This week’s random thoughts:

Ryan Fitzpatrick and Josh McCown played a “game” last weekend where the two “QBs” led “offenses” (ouch fingers hurt from making sarcastic air quotes aren’t I hurt enough already) averaged a bit over six yards per pass attempt, and less than three yards per rush. Even I didn’t watch it.

Even the Giants’ players at their “OH GOD PLEASE FIRE MCADOO”-iest couldn’t try to lose a game any more than the Chargers do on a completely average day.

I will never stop hating Jerry Jones for making me actively root for Roger Goodell.

I watched Adrian Clayborn for several years, and it’s very clear he’s one of those guys who’s just half a step too slow to be an effective pass rusher; he frequently would get into the backfield, be somewhat disruptive, and never be quite quick enough to get to the QB on his own. He has had more than six sacks in one of the seasons of his career, and had six last Sunday. Why? Chaz Green is bad at football, and Jason Garrett is apparently bad enough at coaching that he refused to recognize that.

The latter part of the above sentence is why Belichick is a great coach on a very basic level; when he sees something isn’t working, he tries something different.

Joe Flacco has completed more passes f6r negative yards this year than he has for 20+ yards, which is this year’s “Wait, how the hell did that happen” QB stat, following last year’s “Blake Bortles has more pic-sixes than victories” stat. Which has been ruined be a real defense.

The Bills this week benched Tyrod Taylor for fifth-round rookie Nathan Peterman. Tyrod Taylor has been utterly awful at stuffing the run, and failed to tackle Mark Ingram or Alvin Kamara on ONE SINGLE PLAY last week. That sort of lack of effort is a clear and obvious justification for him being benched, and I’m still annoyed with Taylor for missing all those FGs for Tampa earlier in the year. Good job by the Bills on really focusing on the important issues here.

And now, for the games . . .

MAKE YOUR WEEKLY GAME PICKS HERE

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Miami Dolphins: Last week was Ryan Fitzpatrick vs. Josh McCown. This week, it’s Ryan Fitzpatrick vs. Jay Cutler. That Papa John’s dickwad better be expecting a sales drop in south Florida.

Los Angeles Rams at Minnesota Vikings: Hardest pick of the week for me, but the Vikings duo of 6th round Stefon Diggs and UDFA Adam Thielen shows all you really need to succeed is luck into two really talented cheap guys at critical positions. More teams should try doing that.

New England Patriots at Oakland Raiders: I can’t be the only one wondering if Belichick has been ordering his team to play badly in the first part of the season just so he can have them annihilate everybody starting now, can I?

Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys: If Adrian Clayborn can get six sacks against the crap LTs of the Cowboys, then whoever plays DE for the Eagles can get that many sacks even if they’re just as much of a guy as Adrian Clayborn is. Or, you know, the Cowboys could rotate a TE over there, chip with a back . . . nah, let’s just get Prescott killed again.

Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks: Richard Sherman is out for the year, but Julio Jones . . . he’s injured again, right? I can’t keep track. He and Gronkowski should hang out. Even the Seahawks line isn’t bad enough to make Clayborn look that good.

Week 10 Results
kaostheory: 4-1
PorkSmoothie89: 4-1
cube: 4-1
Rat Boy: 4-1
tboon: 3-2
ballnchained: 3-2
Torq: 3-2
MilkmanDanimal: 3-2
karmajay: 3-2
Zaque: 3-2
iaintgotnopants: 3-2
*Legion*: 3-2
Oddsmakers: 3-2
Abu5217: 2-3
LeapingGnome: 2-3
Infyrnos: 2-3
oldmanscene24: 2-3
Vector: 2-3
Jayhawker: 2-3
garion333: 2-3
Season to Date
ballnchained: 35-15
*Legion*: 34-16
oldmanscene24: 31-19
PorkSmoothie89: 31-19
Oddsmakers: 31-19
TheGameGuru: 30-20
tboon: 30-20
MilkmanDanimal: 28-22
Vector: 28-22
Jayhawker: 27-23
Infyrnos: 27-23
Rat Boy: 27-23
Torq: 27-23
cube: 26-24
garion333: 26-19
iaintgotnopants: 25-25
LeapingGnome: 24-26
karmajay: 24-26
Zaque: 24-26
UpToIsomorphism: 24-21
kaostheory: 24-16
sr_malo: 23-22
EvilDead: 22-23
Abu5217: 20-25
Kush15: 15-20
Jowner: 5-5
Nomad: 4-1
Minase: 4-1

If I were PFF, I'd give fewer points for not playing for Jeff Fisher and maybe more for not being Hitler. Otherwise, that rating system checks out.

Also, I withdraw my comment from the Week 10 thread about not being entertained by the Panthers on Monday night. That third quarter was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Granted, Carolina was playing the aqua-clad version of the Browns, but Miami's a pro football team (allegedly) so.

Hitler has the perfect amount of points compared to Jerry Jones and Roger Goodell.

We always seem to have the thread runner duck out around this time of year.

Oddly enough this is the game I'm worried about. It would be just Philly's luck to f*ck things up coming out of a bye week facing their rival.

Still, if Milkman is confident in the Eagles... wait... if Milkman is confident in the Eagles... how accurate are his picks, usually?

Should I be confident or worried?

Hey the 49ers aren't winless.

Rat Boy wrote:

We always seem to have the thread runner duck out around this time of year.

At least they didn't leave for two years without saying goodbye.

garion333 wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:

We always seem to have the thread runner duck out around this time of year.

At least they didn't leave for two years without saying goodbye.

And have the weirdest stalker thread ever appear at the end of year 1, then just reappear like nothing happened in year 2.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

3.4 Named second team all-conference for Central Cal War Angels.

:'( too soon

Trying to get my hands on some leftover War Angels gear.

Huh weird I put my picks in on the site last week.

TheGameguru wrote:

Huh weird I put my picks in on the site last week.

Happened to me a couple weeks ago. I blame MMD.

Trouble in Denver - Denver has not scored a first half touchdown since Week 4.

Yeesh.

Insert Kaepernick meme

TheGameguru wrote:

Huh weird I put my picks in on the site last week.

I did too and even took a picture of it so I could remember who I picked! But I went 0/5 so I guess it doesn't really mater

I can't figure out how to embed image in the post using the imgur links..

https://imgur.com/a/Q0z26

Guru and Evil, your picks were recorded. Your names being excluded from the top post is my fault, because when I copied the names from the report to pass to MMD, I missed the 0-5 results:

TheGameGuru: 0-5
EvilDead: 0-5

The picks get sent to me as emails for a paper trail as a backup, so for example, here was Guru's from last week:

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/vzg23fJ.png)

This probably isn't the first time I've missed 0-5 results when copy-pasting to Milkman, because I'm trying to avoid copying all the 0-0 results from non-pickers when I do it.

Hah, OK. Thanks!

I also note that your crappy algorithm is recording all of my 5-0s as 3-2s and 2-3s. You should work on that.

Heh I suspected I went 0-5.

Haven't you gone under the knife yet Dan?

Nice 12 yd run for Henry.

Nice catch from Corey Davis.

DeMarco Murray bulldozes 300+ IL Stephon Tuitt.

I only planned on posting the Henry run, but it took NFL.com so long that to put it up figured some other highlights could be posted too.

Dislike post!

Man, where the hell is Gumbie? Jags and Titans in a neck and neck battle for the AFC South like it's the late 90s again, and he's barely ever here.

Jeez, Steelers. I can go to bed early

Woo steelers, that's the game I've been waiting for from our offense all year!

PS - I feel like Bell doesn't always pick up this block when you run him 35 times a game. https://youtu.be/CRbKjPcxT9M

PPS - I think Gumbie's distracted by a baby these days.

captainchaos wrote:

PPS - I think Gumbie's distracted by a baby these days.

No excuse! Garion balanced having a baby and being here to sass me every day. You have to prioritize the things that are important.

*Legion* wrote:
captainchaos wrote:

PPS - I think Gumbie's distracted by a baby these days.

No excuse! Garion balanced having a baby and being here to sass me every day. You have to prioritize the things that are important.

He's hiding because his team is lame. Super Mario isn't quite a Super this year.

captainchaos wrote:

PS - I feel like Bell doesn't always pick up this block when you run him 35 times a game. https://youtu.be/CRbKjPcxT9M

It's a shame Ben was throwing to Bryant,
might've been a TD otherwise.
Also, this was better.

garion333 wrote:
*Legion* wrote:
captainchaos wrote:

PPS - I think Gumbie's distracted by a baby these days.

No excuse! Garion balanced having a baby and being here to sass me every day. You have to prioritize the things that are important.

He's hiding because his team is lame. Super Mario isn't quite a Super this year.

4 INTs last night. What a scrub.

Hey have I ever told you who has never thrown 4 INTs in a game?

Spoiler:

IMAGE(http://cdn.barstoolsports.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/16/d7bf5169e1ec5611740f6a7067007794.jpg)

Dammit Gumbie should be here for this.

You know who threw 5 INTs in practice and scared his coach so bad all they do is run the ball?

Spoiler:

IMAGE(http://cdn.barstoolsports.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/16/d7bf5169e1ec5611740f6a7067007794.jpg)

You know who is going to throw for 5 TDs Sunday...

Spoiler:

IMAGE(http://cdn.barstoolsports.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/16/d7bf5169e1ec5611740f6a7067007794.jpg)

And you wanna know why...

Spoiler:

IMAGE(https://cbsy108.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/cleve_browns_fans_matt-sullivan.jpg?w=1500)

Another Friday, another long ESPN article, this time on Godell v Jones:

"I'm gonna come after you with everything I have," Jones said. Then he mentioned Deflategate. "If you think Bob Kraft came after you hard, Bob Kraft is a p---y compared to what I'm going to do."

Yeah, walking everything back from this is going to be such a cinch!

garion333 wrote:

You know who threw 5 INTs in practice and scared his coach so bad all they do is run the ball?

Spoiler:

IMAGE(http://cdn.barstoolsports.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/16/d7bf5169e1ec5611740f6a7067007794.jpg)

Don't do Gumbie's job for him. You go talk sh*t to other AFC North fans.

Or I guess Flacco makes that hard to do.

Rat Boy wrote:

Another Friday, another long ESPN article, this time on Godell v Jones:

"I'm gonna come after you with everything I have," Jones said. Then he mentioned Deflategate. "If you think Bob Kraft came after you hard, Bob Kraft is a p---y compared to what I'm going to do."

Yeah, walking everything back from this is going to be such a cinch!

Once again, The Draw Play sums up my feelings on this entirely:

IMAGE(http://www.thedrawplay.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/2017-11-16-CivilWar.png)

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