Too Long; Didn't Play: Roundabout

Sponsored By: Pyroman

Time Spun: 38 minutes

Crazy Taxi Review

Nobody makes games like this anymore. Even No Goblin doesn’t make games like this, which makes it all the more impressive that making a game like this is exactly what No Goblin did.

Kooky Limo Review

The 1980s produced some of the most fun movies ever made. I choose those words carefully, and purposely avoided words like “best” or “finest” or “cinema” because the 1980s didn’t, necessarily, produce the finest cinema, but it did produce some darn fun movies.

I’m talking about a specific type of fun movie, too. I’m talking about movies with patently ridiculous plots and with premises that were, in all respects, impossible. Movies like Mannequin or Revenge of the Nerds. Of course we understood that nothing in those movies could happen, but what’s the point of fantasy if it isn’t, well, fantastic?

“No,” you might argue. “I want my fantastical worlds to be fully grounded in mundane realities and represent the world as I see it.”

That kind of thinking is how we get crap like Mean Girls and Erin Brockovich. Screw that. I want a movie where a robot gets hit by lightning and achieves self-awareness then walks in on Ally Sheedy having a bubble bath.

Video games could learn a thing or two from that era of filmmaking. Seriously, game developers, you have a palette that literally lets you create any. Thing. You. Can. Imagine. And what do you make? Military shooters in a million shades of earthtones? No wonder everyone went librarian-poo over Deus Ex: Human Revolution. At least orange was a new color, even if it is suspiciously close to brown.

But there is a developer who understands, and they made a game that was patently absurd and completely earnest. Roundabout is an arcade-puzzle-driving game featuring a silent protagonist who pilots a limousine that drives like a boomerang smeared with Crisco. From the first level, your limo spins in place, waiting for you to start, and it doesn’t stop spinning until it explodes.

At which point you get an achievement, respawn and spin again.

The puzzles are straightforward: Drive your clients wherever they want to go while avoiding collisions, which is hard enough to do in a normal limo, let alone one that spins like the world’s slowest Frank Lupo chase scene. You get points for speed, accuracy and not dying horribly. This is harder than it sounds, because the levels are built around the idea that a very long thing is spinning it’s way through town, and you need to be very aware of the locations of all four fenders at all times.

Fortunately, you don’t lose points for hitting pedestrians. This is good, because there are a lot of pedestrians and they all seem to end up hit.

So as a premise, the game already has the “This is fantasy, let’s lean into it” tickbox filled in. Where it really excels, though, is the story. The story is told entirely through full-motion-video, which is what happens you you make a cutscene without computer-generated graphics, and with more than one actor. There’s a colorful cast of characters, all shot on a shoestring budget but with some of the finest cheese delivery since milkmen went out of style. They hop into the back of your limo, say some funny stuff, and you’re off to the next level. It’s a wonderful example of camp done right, because not one of the actors winks, nods or nudges to suggest that this is all a bit of a larf, eh? Eh? Wot? Wot? No, they all play it completely straight and let the writing do the work of reminding everyone of how silly the story is.

Oh, and did I mention the game takes place in the 1970s? It’s easy to forget, because there’s a conspicuous absence of what I like to call “period slang” overload, which is when a writer feels the need to remind you of the setting by constantly having the characters say “swell,” “mod,” “groovy” or “fresh” every twelve seconds, depending on the decade. No, Roundabout gives you credit for knowing the setting by showing you boxy cars, wide lapels and a soundtrack that’s so wick you could make candles with it.

There’s a lot to love about Roundabout, but you have to love the ridiculous in order to love the rest, and I do so love the ridiculous.

Spin On?

I’ll probably keep on truckin’ just to see the rest of the cutscenes, but not long enough to three-star all the levels. The gameplay is interesting and humorous enough to sustain me through one play-through, but even the prospect of adding wood-paneling to my limo in the customization menu won’t hold my interest much further.

Is it the Dark Souls of revolving shag-wagons?

As the kids of the seventies would say in a completely different context, Roundabout is tough. It’s simple enough to complete a mission, but getting the highest rating on any one level is tricky, because you need to balance speed and accuracy to complete the level under time and without taking damage. So far, it’s all I can do to keep the wheels on my limo long enough to get where I’m going.

Fortunately, you don’t need wheels to make this car go.

It’s not Dark Souls tough, but it’s a challenge right enough. Call it three grooves out of five.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta spin.


Man, you gotta embed some videos or gifs in your articles as some of this stuff makes little to no sense until you see it in action.

Grooooovy. Added to Wishlist.

I bounced off the gameplay pretty hard, but the cutscenes....oh the cutscenes!


I enjoyed my time with it. The campy music was stuck in my head for days, which wasn't a bad thing. I'm glad I gave it a whirl.

How much is the redhead in the game?

Love is free, Legion.

*Legion* wrote:

How much is the redhead in the game?


Unclear whether you're asking to what degree the redhead appears in the game, or what the cost of purchasing the redhead who happens to be in the game is?


Answer 1: she's in most cut scenes, as she's the player-character, who's named Georgio, who was assumable written as a man, but adding to the cobbled-together B-movie nonsense of the game, is played by a woman.

Answer 2a: No DLC is required for her to be included in the game, therefore the cost of her is notionally the purchase price of the game.

Answer 2b: owning another human being is prohibited under international law, so expect the price to be inflated per the eonomics of black markets.

Her name is Kate Welch, and she charmed me beyond repair even though her character has exactly zero lines in the game.

Jonman wrote:
*Legion* wrote:

How much is the redhead in the game?


Unclear whether you're asking to what degree the redhead appears in the game, or what the cost of purchasing the redhead who happens to be in the game is?


doubtingthomas396 wrote:

Her name is Kate Welch, and she charmed me beyond repair even though her character has exactly zero lines in the game.

I fired up the game and played for about an hour, and this is where I'm at now.

Every time I see this article headline, I get the intro from "Roundabout" in my head again. Luckily it jumps straight to where the bass comes in.

0:44, in case you're wondering.