Yes, yes, it’s late Thursday. We’re still having coordination issues with the Pick ‘Ems, and I’m going to make it a point to have them to Legion by Tuesday at the latest. So, not totally his fault here, find other things to insult him for.
Blake Bortles remains the utter king of garbage time; at one point he was 7/18 for 57 yards and two INTs, as the Jaguars were down 13. Tennessee then scored, to put Blake in his beloved "down by at least two TDs" territory. After that point, Bortles went 13/16 for 167 yards and a TD. Nobody—I mean NOBODY—accumulates pointless stats like Blake Bortles. Football Outsiders’ weekly Scramble for the Ball column has even created a weekly “Blake Bortles Memorial Garbage Time” award, which I may or may not have suggested and I may or may not take great pride in this. #GARBAGEMAN-IA
I don’t think there’s a doubt the Chargers are at best the third-favorite NFL team in Los Angeles at this point, after the Raiders and Rams (and possibly others). The Chargers can’t sell out a soccer stadium. To be fair, the L.A. Coliseum is largely empty. I mean, I’m a Bucs fan, and I think the Rams have attendance problems. Based on the official attendance numbers (which were clearly SIGNIFICANTLY overestimating attendance for the Rams at minimum), the USC game at the Coliseum outdrew the Rams and Chargers combined. So, hey, pro football in L.A. is going great.
Tampa is an unstoppable offensive juggernaut or at least would be if Winston could learn to throw a deep sideline route to save his @#$!! life. Seriously. He sucks at that ball. So far Tampa has proved itself great against a bad team with a QB they’d played against in practice for a few years. So, Super Bowl confirmed. This coming week, Case Keenum! The easy schedule continues! Then Tom Brady and OH @$!!!
Yes, it’s childish, but Rob Gronkowsi pulling a groin while scoring TD #69 will always be funny. ALWAYS.
Carson Palmer looks awful. As does Andy Dalton, Tyrod Taylor, Brian Hoyer, and a bunch of other guys. Please let the NFL never expand again, there aren’t vaguely enough good QBs to go around now.
Ereck Flowers was so bad against Detroit even Greg Robinson feels bad for him. Also, fun fact; autocorrect will change “Ereck Flowers” to “Wreck Flowers”, which is more than a little appropriate.
Adrian Peterson Watch! Peterson is not only old and awful, he’s angry about being old and awful. This week: 8 carries, 26 yards. For the season: 14 carries, 44 yards, 3.1 ypc.
And now, for TEH GAMEZ:
Cleveland Browns at Indianapolis Colts: Cleveland. Is favored. On the road. I mean, I still think they’re going to lose, as Kizer currently just looks like someone who can’t process the game quite fast enough to be successful, and I figure somebody on Indianapolis’ offense can do something. This should be an awful, awful game, and I’m going to miss it. For . . .
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Minnesota Vikings: The Vikings should clearly be more of a challenge than the Bears were, but that’s not saying much. I expect a similar defensive gameplan for Tampa; do everything to stop the running game, give up short passes, wait for the QB to make a mistake. Even though Case Keenum has beaten Tampa twice with the Rams, this still like a real opportunity for Tampa’s offense to really step up. Presuming Xavier Rhodes follows Mike Evans around, I’d expect whoever is being covered by 400-year-old Terence Newman or Epic Bust Trey Waynes to get lots of targets. Also, I’ll be there, about 20 rows up in one of the end zones, in a bright orange #82 jersey with "HARPER" on the back.
Atlanta Falcons at Detroit Lions: Atlanta’s down a couple pass rushers, but, first two weeks of not being completely awful aside, the Lions are still using Greg Robinson as something more than a substitute concession stand worker (and he’s probably not qualified to do that). Atlanta’s got a secondary to slow down Stafford, and their offense is annoyingly good. Atlanta goes on the road and wins this. Also, 28-3.
New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers: Cam still looks hurt and gimpy and I don’t vaguely understand what they’re trying to do with Christian McCaffery, while the Saints are terrible on defense AGAIN. I mean, at some point Sean Payton gets to stop cashing his reputation checks for that Super Bowl win, right? Football Outsiders has had the Saints having had one of the worst three defenses in the entire league for four of the last five years (during which time the team went 7-9 each of those times), and, right now, they’re listed as the #31 defense on FO, right behind New England (who seems unlikely to stay in that spot). The Saints have already had a number of injuries this year to make their defense even worse than it already was. Seriously, how does Sean Payton keep a job after basically a near-decade of utter mediocrity? He’s basically Jeff Fisher without the pornstache and with a fetish for bad defenses instead of bad offenses.
Seattle Seahawks at Tennessee Titans: Genuinely interested in seeing if the Seahawks defense can do enough against a solid Titans line to slow down Mariota, and whether Seattle can do a damn thing offensively. Seattle has been patently terrible on offense. The main reason to watch this game is to see if this is the week Richard Sherman and Earl Thomas finally snap and beat the hell out of Seahawks OC Darrell Bevell on the sidelines, or if we have to wait one more week for that.
NEW PICK ‘EM RULES.
Seems like everybody misses a week or two in pick ‘em, plus, well, I read the home/away charts wrong last week and screwed up games. So, in order to encourage participation and keep people from feeling they should give up after forgetting picks for a week, we’re instituting a new only vaguely condescending policy of dropping the two worst weeks at the end of the season. So, for in-season stats, we’ll show each week, but, at the end of the year, there could be a surprise winner based on how those last two weeks turn out. If the surprise winner turns out to be me, it’s coincidence; if it’s Legion, he’s a cheating bastard.
Week 2 Results
Rat Boy: 4-1
Season to Date
Rat Boy: 6-4