NFL 2016: Week 9

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Trust me, you're not missing much with lower audio quality. First, to recap the week that was:

Colonel Mustard with the Lead Pipe in the Library 22 - Mrs. Peacock with the Revolver in the Conservatory 36: You know, NFL, maybe the whole night game thing isn't your thing. I'm fairly certain the tie on Monday night and Kevin Harlan's call of the idiot on the field in Week One have been the pinnacle of prime time football this season. Fun fact: going into Sunday, BORTLESMANIA was the highest ranked QB in terms of fantasy...nah, I can't. I just can't. The wheels have come off the Gus Bus so bad of late it makes the American Airlines fire at O'Hare look like a minor mechanical failure by comparison.

Washington 27 - Cincinnati 27: Oh, speaking of debacles that occur in the evening hours locally, I was so ready to throw in a Tea Time Dalton joke, but then Washington had to end up not winning. And just to add insult to injury, Sunday was the end of Daylight Savings time in the UK, an experience the Skins and Bengals get to repeat in less than two weeks. Could someone running for public office promise to end this debacle? You'll get votes, especially if your general election is in November.

Kansas City 30 - Indianapolis 14: Alex Smith got smashed in the head, left the game. Then he came back, got smashed in the head, and left again. His replacement was Nick Foles. And the Chiefs won. It was that kind of day for the Colts.

Raaaaiders 30 - Tampa Bay 24: Oakland sets the record for assessed penalties in a game, Sebastian Janikowski does his best Roberto Aguayo impersonation and yet thanks to Derrick Carr setting a Raider record for passing in a game, they ended up winning in OT and sparing us the indignity of having a third tie this season. And Carr's now the offensive player of the week.

Seattle 20 - New Orleans 25:

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/DRfLirT.gif)

That had to have been the single stupidest thing I've ever seen. I know it stinks that the league clamps down on anything having the semblance of fun, but you're taking your team's fate into your own hands when you go out looking for a 15 yard penalty that if you get caught doing it a second time means you're redcarded for the match.

Detroit 13 - Houston 20: *obligatory Caldwell Face and/or Jim Bob Cooter references here*

New York Jets 31 - Cleveland 28: Regardless of what happens in the World Series, the Browns will still hold the crown as the worst team ever in their particular sport.

New England 41 - Buffalo 25: I kind of want throwing dildos onto the field to become a thing. It's certainly tamer than flares. And it figures it'd happen on Gronk's 69 day. But then the Pats banished Jaimie Collins to Cleveland faster than a politically charged thread in Everything Else and now people are like, "What dildo?"

Arizona 20 - Carolina 30: You know, the league's running out of excuses to shoot down Cam Newton's complaints about hits against him not being declared illegal. Cam Newton also must be running out of fancy outfits to wear during postgame. Or at the very least unique color combinations. Also, maybe if Cam consulted on the Thursday night uniforms, they wouldn't be as bland as these eyesores.

San Diego 19 - Denver 27: Scary moment involving a sideline collision against Wade Phillips that sent him to the hospital. A change of pace from games involving the Chargers, where usually the scary moment is an evaporating 4th quarter lead.

Green Bay 32 - Atlanta 33: R-E-L-A...oh sh*t, we got beat by someone other than Julio Jones on the final drive. Also applicable to any fantasy team that lost in the end thanks to Mohammed Sanu.

Philadelpha 23 - Dallas 29: Cowboys are presently the number one seed in the NFC and conveniently Tony Romo's presently not regarded at 100% by Jerry Jones. This feels like him trying to keep Dak Prescott as the starter without admitting that maybe, just maybe he shouldn't have been stating that it's Romo's team up until Sunday night.

Minnesota 10 - Chicago 20: The Vikings are who we thought they were and Jay Cutler didn't let them off the hook. Great, now I'm going to go have a sad over the passing of Denny Green. The Vikes, meanwhile, are suddenly doing without OC Norv Turner.

Now That I Have Your Attention: Enough with the non-Sunday day games already. Yes, ratings are down across the board and yes, Scott Hanson and Andrew Siciliano seem to avoid paying too much attention to certain games on their respective zones of red telecasts, but look at this:

*Legion* wrote:

IMAGE(https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/t31.0-8/14917137_1012400565554097_5432832510294099612_o.jpg)

That's in order Week 7's Sunday nighter, the Monday nighter, Week 8's Thursday nighter, and the morning game in London. And we also happen to have this past week six teams on a bye, which when you factor TNF and London Calling shrank the late Sunday game schedule to a mere two games, which thankfully happened to be competitive. So what's the issue? Scheduling? Unfortunately in part yes, since the rules mandate every team plays at least one Thursday game and by some fluke I don't recall any team flirting with the best record in the regular season jetting over the pond. But come on; at some point you have to realize you're going to take a ratings hit if you keep putting the Clue Bowl together for a Thursday every season. You have to realize that scheduling a single game in Jolly Old England at a nearly Oh Dark Thirty start time west of the Rockies will do just the same. Plus, prime time football isn't the appointment TV it used to be; people would rather tune in to whatever HBO's golden goose just produced on Sundays because people don't want fake TV spoilers.

Are ratings down because of protests? Maybe, but not every market airs the Kneeling Kaep. The election? One can hope that it's thankfully over in less than a week, so that excuse will also hopefully go away. But maybe, just maybe, it's because people are getting tired of the saturation of the NFL schedule outside of the afternoon to early evening Sundays and because by some wizard's dark hex, those games are just plain terrible.

The real test to see whether or not the popularity of the NFL is waning will come in the postseason, where like the games I've just verbally shat upon, there's only one of them at a time, but on the other hand they're for all the marbles. If people would rather drop everything to watch something else instead of playoff football, that's when the league has a big problem on its hands.

Pick 'Em: Since you were asking, due to the tie between Washington and Cincinnati, only four games were counted. Here's last week's results:

jonfentyler: 3-1
Oddsmakers: 3-1
Top_Shelf: 2-2
garion333: 2-2
Bighoppa: 2-2
onewild: 2-2
Running Man: 2-2
Minase: 2-2
UpToIsomorphism: 2-2
ballnchained: 2-2
oldmanscene24: 1-3
cube: 1-3
LeapingGnome: 1-3
MilkmanDanimal: 1-3
Vector: 1-3
Certis: 1-3
MoonDragon: 1-3
Abu5217: 1-3
*Legion*: 1-3
EvilDead: 1-3
Zaque: 1-3
tboon: 1-3
Torq: 1-3
iaintgotnopants: 1-3
Infyrnos: 1-3
Bubs14: 1-3
karmajay: 1-3
Rat Boy: 1-3
PorkSmoothie89: 1-3
TheGameGuru: 0-4

Painful, isn't it? And here's the season to date:

ballnchained: 26-13
onewild: 25-14
Certis: 25-14
Bighoppa: 25-14
Abu5217: 25-14
Bubs14: 24-15
Torq: 24-15
jonfentyler: 24-15
MoonDragon: 23-16
UpToIsomorphism: 23-16
Oddsmakers: 23-16
iaintgotnopants: 22-17
garion333: 22-17
MilkmanDanimal: 22-17
Jayhawker: 22-13
*Legion*: 22-17
TheGameGuru: 21-18
EvilDead: 21-18
tboon: 21-18
PorkSmoothie89: 21-18
Rat Boy: 20-19
Infyrnos: 20-19
Zaque: 20-19
oldmanscene24: 19-20
Kush15: 18-17
karmajay: 18-21
cube: 17-22
Top_Shelf: 16-18
LeapingGnome: 16-23
Vector: 15-24
Paleocon: 15-10
Minase: 15-19
Running Man: 13-6
Stele: 10-15
Jowner: 4-1
Gumbie: 3-2
Docjoe: 2-3
Nomad: 2-3

And now this week's picks and you'll obviously note a trend:

Pittsburgh (4-3) vs. Baltimore (3-4)

New York Jets (3-5) vs. Miami (3-4)

Philadelphia (4-3) vs. New York Giants (4-3)

Detroit (4-4) vs. Minnesota (5-2)

Denver (6-2) vs. Oakland (6-2)

Yes, also another complaint of mine is how front loaded the division rivalry games are. I mean we just burned through Rex v. Hoodie and it's only the beginning of November. Make your picks here and enjoy the week, folks.

On Wednesday?

Now, you're just showing off.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

On Wednesday?

Now, you're just showing off.

I was actually aiming for Tuesday.

Are ratings down because of protests?

Is anyone still talking about this outside of the ratings?

Do not, my friends, become addicted to Wednesday posts. It will take hold of you, and you will resent their absence!

garion333 wrote:
Are ratings down because of protests?

Is anyone still talking about this outside of the ratings?

Pissed off redneck militia types. Only because some other boy hasn't yet stepped out of line and forgotten his place.

I was looking forward to you having to type xx-yy-1 on everyones pics.

garion333 wrote:
Are ratings down because of protests?

Is anyone still talking about this outside of the ratings?

Not since the last poll about why people aren't watching, though I imagine the numbers now would skew more towards "The games suck."

Whoa...crazy. Our pickem site is now blocked by work's acceptable use filter.

I'm now confused as to which day of the week it is.

Anyway, you could have also book-ended Legion's list with "The Bears played a team". Because a 2-6 team that nobody gives a crap about because the Cubs is worth 4 primetime games.

bighoppa wrote:

Whoa...crazy. Our pickem site is now blocked by work's acceptable use filter.

Blame Aguayo.

garion333 wrote:
bighoppa wrote:

Whoa...crazy. Our pickem site is now blocked by work's acceptable use filter.

Blame Aguayo.

NSFW:

Spoiler:

IMAGE(http://l.yimg.com/uu/api/res/1.2/Vpeguv9VoeTClJfoomSiwA--/aD0zMTE7dz00MjA7c209MTthcHBpZD15dGFjaHlvbg--/http://media.zenfs.com/en/homerun/feed_manager_auto_publish_494/1580e5d117542a0dd2c46270eac1f280)

God this post scared the hell out of me, I thought it was Thursday already.

Don't do that to an old man.

Legion prefers to let the week go on and on, and then try to do a post that's vaguely solid right at the last minute. Trying to do something that doesn't suck, right at the last minute . . . who does that sound like . . .

Spoiler:

IMAGE(http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s149/MilkmanDanimal/d7bf5169e1ec5611740f6a7067007794.jpg)

I should be like your kicker and only post the thread 50% of the time.

tboon wrote:

God this post scared the hell out of me, I thought it was Thursday already.

Don't do that to an old man.

Sorry. Next time I sub for *Legion* I'll procrastinate until the last possible moment.

Rat Boy wrote:
tboon wrote:

God this post scared the hell out of me, I thought it was Thursday already.

Don't do that to an old man.

Sorry. Next time I sub for *Legion* I'll procrastinate until the last possible moment.

You mean wait till you're almost out of time and then give it your all?

Rat Boy for president.

garion333 wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:
tboon wrote:

God this post scared the hell out of me, I thought it was Thursday already.

Don't do that to an old man.

Sorry. Next time I sub for *Legion* I'll procrastinate until the last possible moment.

You mean wait till you're almost out of time and then give it your all?

IMAGE(http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s149/MilkmanDanimal/tumblr_msozr3fu191r5mbvpo1_500.gif)

Stele wrote:

Rat Boy for president.

I don't think GWJ really needs everyone digging through back posts and crashing the site worse than the Half-Life 2 leak.

Rat Boy wrote:
Stele wrote:

Rat Boy for president.

I don't think GWJ really needs everyone digging through back posts and crashing the site worse than the Half-Life 2 leak.

Why won't you release details about your whereabouts during The Disappearance? What are you hiding, Crooked Rat Boy?

How come you can do all this posting Legion but could not do this week's thread?

karmajay wrote:

How come you can do all this posting Legion but could not do this week's thread?

I have my phone, but I didn't get to watch any football this past week. Event is almost over now, I travel home tomorrow.

Wow I am really sucking at the picks this year. This week I decided to pick the team that I expect to lose, since if I had done that so far I would be even with the oddsmakers.

LeapingGnome wrote:

Wow I am really sucking at the picks this year. This week I decided to pick the team that I expect to lose, since if I had done that so far I would be even with the oddsmakers.

I sucked so bad I stopped doing it

It's not you guys, it's everyone. It's a rough year with a lot of close games that keep going any which way. Look at all those 1-3's this past week. That's nuts.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Legion prefers to let the week go on and on, and then try to do a post that's vaguely solid right at the last minute. Trying to do something that doesn't suck, right at the last minute . . . who does that sound like . . .

Spoiler:

IMAGE(http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s149/MilkmanDanimal/d7bf5169e1ec5611740f6a7067007794.jpg)

*Legion* wrote:

I should be like your kicker and only post the thread 50% of the time.

Rat Boy wrote:

Sorry. Next time I sub for *Legion* I'll procrastinate until the last possible moment.

These might be the best three consecutive posts in GWJ history.

Also, one of you owes me a new monitor and keyboard. I'll settle for a coffee refill.

Update: Best four in a row:

garion333 wrote:

You mean wait till you're almost out of time and then give it your all?

Huh, so every year ESPN asks fans to rate their city's pro teams (NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL). The so-called Ultimate Standings 2016 was released a couple weeks ago and has some interesting results. Keep in mind that it's not just how the fans rank the team, but also how a cost/benefit ratio of costs to see your favorite team and wins.

Tampa Bay Lightning take the top spot while the Panthers slot in at number 3, which is the highest ranked NFL team.

Jacksonville Jaguars come in at a decent 32nd (out of 122) and are considered the most affordable team in the NFL. Too bad they suck.

The Browns come in at an expected 119 while the LA Rams manage to snag the penultimate slot at 121, though since they're new to town they were always destined to score low.

The kicker, however, is that the worst team in the rankings is not an expansion team, but the San Francisco 49ers. The blurb on them says it all:

The 49ers have created quite the perfect storm: Fans see San Francisco's owners as the NFL's most dishonest and its players as the least available in sports, while the front office has raised prices by more than 60 percent over the past five years (the NFL average is just 12 percent). Meanwhile, the 49ers won just five games in 2015 -- which helps explain why they were named the league's worst in paying to attract quality players and coaches.

Wow. What a sh*tstorm.

Rat Boy wrote:

jonfentyler: 3-1
Oddsmakers: 3-1

garion333 wrote:

Huh, so every year ESPN asks fans to rate their city's pro teams (NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL). The so-called Ultimate Standings 2016

Lightning at number one and the Rays at 90, falling 45 spots from last year thanks to bad roster moves and poor coaching. The Cubs win last night only makes that coaching sting more (despite Maddon's poor pitcher decisions). They really need to build a new stadium on the other side of the bay to increase attendance. That's enough baseball talk in the NFL thread, though.

garion333 wrote:

The kicker, however, is that the worst team in the rankings is not an expansion team, but the San Francisco 49ers. The blurb on them says it all:

The 49ers have created quite the perfect storm: Fans see San Francisco's owners as the NFL's most dishonest and its players as the least available in sports, while the front office has raised prices by more than 60 percent over the past five years (the NFL average is just 12 percent). Meanwhile, the 49ers won just five games in 2015 -- which helps explain why they were named the league's worst in paying to attract quality players and coaches.

Wow. What a sh*tstorm.

Burn it all down until the Yorks sell and flee.

Also, the only list the Sharks belong ahead of the Kings on is the playoff choke list.

That the Lightning is 1st is pretty amazing. Florida is a state where you could throw a rock into a crowd and NOT hit a born Floridian 7/10 times. A majority of these fans bring their own favorites with them. (I'm looking at you Boston and NY fans!)

BUT, I'll say a lot of those transplants will root for the home team when there favorite aren't playing the Lightning.

/end hockey talk

Carolina Panthers are No. 3? Huh. This is the franchise that developed the dreaded PSL, which has done more to stripmine fans of their paychecks since the invention of the $10 beer.

I'm glad for the recognition, I guess, and last year was a blast. But Carolina has a big bandwagon contingent (because the team is so relatively new). At certain home games (Pats, Packers, Steelers, Giants, Cowboys and especially DC), Carolina Fan is outnumbered.

I'm starting to see it again this year -- the place was only half full after Carolina stumbled out of the gate. But winning cures all, etc. etc.

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