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I'm not sure if it violates the site’s rules to advertise in threads. The new code of conduct sticky posts were too long, so I didn’t read them.
I will be running an ad at the top of each thread for the duration of the season. Any surplus ad revenue will go towards
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* Two WRs not getting out of bounds with the clock running at the end of the game (Detroit’s Marvin Jones, Dallas’s Terrance Williams).
* Dallas really simplified the offense for Dak Prescott.
* Todd Gurley ran for 52 yards after contact. He rushed for only 47 yards from scrimmage.
* Washington spent big money to get Josh Norman and then kept him on the opposite side of the field from Antonio Brown most of the game.
* Bill Belichick preaching the gospel of the mortar.
* Some of my hashtags are looking on point after one week:
#RevisPeninsula: AJ Green was targeted against Revis 10 times, all 10 of which Green turned into receptions, for 152 yards and 1 TD. The island has come crashing back into the main continent.
#NobodyBlocksInLA: Arik Armstead and DeForest Buckner (giving me Marcus Stroud & John Henderson flashbacks) and the rest of the Niners d-line rotation tore the LA line to shreds. The defense only managed 2 sacks, though LA throwing nothing but 3 yard hooks had something to do with that.
#FireMularkey: Well Gumbie was right that they were going to throw. But you know, maybe building a roster for ‘70s smash-mouth football and then throwing it 41 times instead isn’t the best idea.
A few didn’t work out quite so well yet:
#StealTheShow: Jacksonville was so close to knocking off one of the league’s elite teams in week 1. Most encouragingly, it was a game-long slugfest of equally performing teams, not one of those games where the surprise team built a big lead and then just held on for dear life. A disappointing “L” but one Gus Bradley should be able to build on.
#NotTheFCS: Well OK, with week 1 against Cleveland, I should have seen this coming. Their last-place DVOA performance was about as FCS as NFL teams come, but credit where it’s due: Certis didn’t play like a QB that was over his head.
#MortarKickoffs: Not a one by Aguayo! We waited all offseason! Tampa never fails to disappoint.
I know picks. I have the best picks.
GWJ pickers pretty handily stomped the oddsmakers this week.
Kansas City at Houston: Kansas City is 1-0, and it only took the greatest comeback in team history to get there. Jamaal Charles will likely miss another game, though Spencer Ware held things down nicely in Charles’ absence (though now Ware is slightly limited with a toe injury). Houston rode to 1-0 on the back of the team’s new Osweiler-to-Fuller hookup, along with Lamar Miller cracking 100 yards, which he only managed to do 3 times last year in Miami. I’m taking Kansas City but I’m not loving the pick.
Tampa Bay at Arizona: Oh, I get it. Tampa kept the mortar kickoff under wraps because they knew they could beat Atlanta and didn’t want to put it on film for Arizona! Well, as we saw in the link above, the Patriots already showed Arizona what a mortar kickoff can do. I’d like to pick Tampa, but I am now a skeptic, until I actually see the glory of an Aguayo mortar blast. Arizona.
Jacksonville at San Diego: I saw a rumor from an unnamed Jaguars employee that Dave Caldwell mentioned at a team meeting that they sent 23 plays to the league office from week 1’s game, and that 16 of them came back as missed calls. I do know that Green Bay hugged Allen Robinson so much that he probably got in trouble with his wife that night. But nevermind that. The officials merely delayed BORTLESMANIA a week. This is the week that it begins. Jacksonville.
Green Bay at Minnesota: Green Bay probably won’t need to employ the hugging technique here, as the Vikings offense looked stuck in the mud against Tennessee, mustering only a few field goals (when Blair Walsh decided to make them) while defensive touchdowns carried the day. Green Bay wasted no time getting Jordy Nelson back involved in the offense with 9 targets, and FRESNO STATE’S Davante Adams had the catch of the week. And yet, this game only has a 2.5 point spread. Green Bay.
Philadelphia at Chicago: Chicago pretty much looked like the 6-10 team they were a year ago last week at Houston. The defense was average and the offense was near the bottom of the pack. A nice stepping stone matchup for Carson Wentz, coming off the win over the Browns. One snag for Wentz: TE Zach Ertz, who Wentz targeted 7 times in week 1, is doubtful with a shoulder injury. At least he still has FRESNO STATE’S Ryan Mathews to hand off to 20+ times still. You know what, f*ck it. Philadelphia. I’m on Team Wentz until he shows me a reason not to.
Make your Week 2 picks now!
and for the love of god, don’t copy-paste them here
Week 1 Results
Rat Boy: 4-1