Oh my gosh! It’s happened! It’s finally happened! We’ve been talking about it for years, but it’s actually happened!
The One Game. The last one. The singularity is here!
It’s an open-world, procedurally generated RTS with crafting, a day-night cycle where the monsters come out at night, and RPG-like character level progression. Minecraft plus Warcraft plus Fallout plus every pixel-art game that’s been released in the past five years. It is the only game anyone will ever need to play again! Like that one with the giant in Ender’s Game!
Eat your overpriced heart out, Star Citizen!
Evertown gets my Game of the Week, because it truly is The. Game. Of. This. Week.
Chris "C" Cesarano
Only one game out this week? And it is made of just about any sort of genre I haven't cared about in the past five years? Sounds like a perfect time for me to sink more time into last year's games. I'll likely be dipping into Legend Of Legacy, a game that really requires more time than the ten to fifteen minutes I give it each evening before bed.
Instead, I'll probably jump between Destiny and Rise Of The Tomb Raider some more, contemplating what my next big game should be once I've completed the latter. How about you? What will you be playing this week in the absence of new releases?
Collen “Momgamer” Hannon
Well, this is a great week to come out from under my rock. Only one game. That makes it easy.
It’s singular release aside, it looks like something you might want to check out if you’re doing the gamer potty-dance for the 1.9 release of Minecraft.
This week:
PC
- Evertown
PS4
Xbox One
Wii U
PS3
Xbox 360
3DS
Vita
Comments
Hmm. I think you might have missed a couple of games. Though that does detract from the joke a bit.
Oxenfree is listed as a January 15th release.
That Dragon, Cancer launches on the 12th.
There's probably a few more.
the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's list of hotlines
HA! The one game that's listed isn't even a legit release; it's just yet another game entering Steam Early Access.
That actually looks interesting.
Steam: [GWJ]MeatMan | "Now I know where to go if I have a hankering for testicles." –Higgledy
Doesn't Gone Home for consoles come out this week? Or does that not count?
PSN: UpToIsomorphism
oilypenguin: That is a terrible joke and I'd ask you to be ashamed of yourself but you've been around here long enough that I know you'll be proud of it.
detroit20: UptoIsomorphism has it right.
Dragon's Dogma is also supposed to hit PC this week.
There's LOTS of games coming out this week...
Here's PSNStore's list.
PS4 Games
Assassin’s Creed Chronicles: India
DogChild (January 11th)
Gone Home
Tharsis
The Banner Saga
They actually put that up 2 days ago, there's also this: http://www.psnstores.com/upcoming/ which has future week's games as well.
It definitely would count, and according to the release schedule on Wikipedia, Gone Home releases tomorrow on PS4 and Xbox One.
Here's the full list of games from that list for this week. Obviously, I can't confirm the accuracy of the list, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.
January 12
January 15
Steam: [GWJ]MeatMan | "Now I know where to go if I have a hankering for testicles." –Higgledy
QUIT MESSING WITH THE JOKE, PEOPLE!
How did I live before digital distribution of old, cheap games?
MilkmanDanimal wrote:You did live before digital distribution of old, cheap games. Now you just play games.
This is the main joke IMO.
Which is not at all affected by people pointing out that the posted release list is woefully incomplete.
Steam: [GWJ]MeatMan | "Now I know where to go if I have a hankering for testicles." –Higgledy
I want to apologize for the list. I checked my usual sites (my primary and the sites I use to verify that the primary site is accurate) and the only thing that showed up was Evertown.
Could those of you with better sources please PM me? I want to make sure the lists are accurate.
Bear in mind that the list has to be updated by Saturday morning to give the staff a chance to do their own research and make a pick.
EDIT:
Ps: I used to use the Wikipedia list, but that one was so unreliable that I don't check it at all anymore. Remember all those weeks last year where a few games were listed several weeks in a row? That wasn't some subtle comedy on my part, that was Wikipedia not being able to make up its mind.
Jonman Wrote:
Yes, you can cancel Darksiders, but only by using your Sony Golds. Which, while pretty good, aren't a patch on Zelda.
I'm A Steam Curator!
Pretty excited for
this week on PC
WCG USA 2005
I'm more amused than anything else, though it does point to an odd lack of general release charts.
the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's list of hotlines
Yeah, my top thought when playing that game on console was "this would look WAY better on pc" as things are so muddled looking they hurt my brain.
How did I live before digital distribution of old, cheap games?
MilkmanDanimal wrote:You did live before digital distribution of old, cheap games. Now you just play games.
Pinball FX2 and Zen Pinball have new Star Wars tables coming this week.
Property of the Bensonhoist Lesbian Choir of Ground Zero, Brooklyn
Hah, wow, I got Evertown randomly because of its low price point, random generation and because it's an RTS. Can't wait to try it!
Space Game Junkie | Twitch | YouTube | Podcast
I've gotten gunshy about trusting Kickstarter launch dates but it looks like it's live to purchase and play on Steam.
Let's all go have a good cry!
Words... are a big deal.
Jill Lapore wrote:Editing is one of the great inventions of civilization.
This is the week my copy of Bloodborne arrives, and I either finally understand these Souls-type games, or I wasted $5 + a Best Buy card
You bastard, Tanglebones. :)
ClockworkHouse wrote:Yay! My Sony bone is getting tangled!
thrawn82 wrote:Tanglebones is a better man than I, in tears at my desk.
I need to get back into fighting shape, so you can summon me in to help you defeat
Tanglebones getting Bloodborne is my game of the week, but Oxenfree looks fantastic!
LastSuprise: Destroyer of Wallets would be an excellent tag and/or third handle for you.
https://twitter.com/theharpomarxist
For anyone interested, the Reply All podcast recently did an episode about the creation of That Dragon Cancer. Really interesting listen.
Link to Episode here