Chasing the Gaming Dragon

I've spent the last 14 years chasing the dragon. Specifically, the Dark Age of Camelot dragon. In 2001 I was fresh out of college, I had a good job, and I'd just gotten DSL in my apartment. It also just so happens that Dark Age of Camelot had recently been released and I decided I wanted to see what all the fuss was about these new fangled MMOs. What followed was about 6 months of pure gaming addiction. I joined a guild from the old Gone Gold site and set about exploring this entirely new world. I would regularly stay up till 3 in the morning, listening to Incubus CDs, and farming spots in Midgard for hours on end just to gain a single level. I quickly learned all the MMO slang and soon I was typing in what would amount to code to anyone who hadn't played an MMO. I felt like I was part of a group. Guild members would drop what they were doing and rush to your aid if an enemy archer showed up and started sniping. It was us against them and I was part of the "us". Getting the guild emblem to stamp onto my in-game cloak was a proud moment and for once I wasn't just playing a game where I was the lone hero tasked with saving the world. It was a gaming experience unlike anything I had played before.

That feeling, that wonder, is what I've been chasing ever since. Until recently I'd played almost every MMO that hit the market. A couple of games came close, Star Wars Galaxies and Everquest 2 (just because of the guild I was in), but none have been able to capture the feeling of that first time. I've enjoyed almost all the ones I've tried but it's never the same. I've finally admitted to myself that I'm chasing an impossible feeling. If I went back and played Camelot now I would likely see that it was a deeply flawed game that hasn't aged well at all, but I wasn't chasing the gameplay or the graphics, I was chasing the emotions that I had while playing it.

The games I play now are a hundred times better in almost every way and the worlds are far more immersive but I feel like I've been there, I've done that. How can you recapture that feeling of the first time? I've had to admit to myself that I just can't. Maybe something will come along in VR in the next few years that will make me feel like it's something completely different but I don't think I'm going to get that same wonder in another MMO. I'll never be 23 years old again and I'm not the same person now as I was then. I've got a kid, a mortgage, and a job that certainly doesn't play well with me staying up till 3 in the morning. My constant, almost subconscious desire, to recapture that old magic is like the balding middle age manager who dreams about that feeling he had when he scored the game winning touchdown his senior year in highschool. If I think it's silly for people like to that to be hung up on these old achievements rather than enjoying the life they have now, then what am I doing? Why I do I keep playing MMO after MMO, always quitting with the thought "It's no Camelot."? I've finally had to admit to myself that I'm never going to catch the dragon. I have to quit comparing everything to my first time and just enjoy each new experience for what it is.

Hear, hear.

Kehama wrote:

The games I play now are a hundred times better in almost every way and the worlds are far more immersive but I feel like I've been there, I've done that. How can you recapture that feeling of the first time? I've had to admit to myself that I just can't.

I think we all chase our own version of The Dragon, but mmo's in particular seem to have this impact, and it's usually based upon your first big mmo.

For me it was a one-two punch of Everquest and Asheron's Call. I have chased that same feeling, but ever since then, every mmo I play feels like the virtual world equivalent of a spaghetti western set; the front of the buildings may keep getting more convincing, but I can easily spot the way they are merely props with nothing of substance behind them.

I still can enjoy them for what they are, but the artificiality of it all just gets to me. I get more immersion and enjoyment out of a well-built sandbox single player or non-massively multiplayer game anymore.

Nonetheless, I continue to hold out hope for some new MMO to come along that manages to strike the magical balance between theme park and sandbox, to give player choice and action some real weight to the virtual world but without requiring umpteen hours of time per week that I no longer have to give to a game (which is why EVE Online has never worked out for me, otherwise it hits so many of the right notes!).

garion333 wrote:

Hear, hear.

+ 1.

Not sure why I have to make a Trek reference, but I can't help myself.

When Scotty was brought aboard the Enterprise-D, a ship markedly better in every way, there was a speech of how you never love the way you do the first time.

As we age, those experiences we had for the first time will always be the benchmark. Those feelings elicited from our first games of a genre are hard to recreate.

For me, Mario3, Resident Evil, Final Fantasy 8, Halo; not sure I can find the feelings those elicited in their respectful genres ever again.

What's cool, is games in genres I hadn't really played much before (and some just done differently) have - even at 31 - recently created such memorable experiences and feelings.

To the Moon, Gone Home, Borderlands; just to name a few. If I had time to chase the dragon without these pesky adult responsibilities, I'm sure Xenoblade would be that as well, not just another game that's taking 3+ years to complete.

I thought this was going to be about drugs.

For me it was Star Wars Galaxies pre NGE disaster. Servers were small and details were scarce. I ground out so many professions just to unlock my jedi slot. Everything was new and different, and most importantly, hard. I think that's what I miss most. When I unlocked my jedi slot it was after countless hours of hard work and scouring the galaxy for the right stuff. That's the only MMO where I truly felt unique and impactful to the world.

maverickz wrote:

I thought this was going to be about drugs.

Isn't it? Digital drug addiction is a thing, eh?

I've got a kid, a mortgage, and a job that certainly doesn't play well with me staying up till 3 in the morning. My constant, almost subconscious desire, to recapture that old magic is like the balding middle age manager who dreams about that feeling he had when he scored the game winning touchdown his senior year in highschool.

What's helped me is that I've changed the types of games I'm playing. As much as I continue to try and not admit it, I will never be able to invest in an MMO the way I want to. Maybe if I get fired or something, but until that happens I'll be away from my house, computer, etc., for such long periods of time that it's nigh impossible to be around for all the special events, raiding, etc., that makes a multiplayer game special.

So, instead, I gravitate mostly towards games with quicker feedback loops: ARPGs, twin stick shooters, platformers, etc. Throw in a long form RPG to run along with the more action oriented titles and I feel like I'm more than meeting my needs atm. The main drawback I find is that I like to mainline story based RPGs and just can't do it anymore. I think the last RPG I really plowed through was Mass Effect over a weekend. That was great. I doubt I'll ever be able to do that until the kid heads off to college. So, only another 13 years.

Farscry wrote:

I think we all chase our own version of The Dragon, but mmo's in particular seem to have this impact, and it's usually based upon your first big mmo.

I agree. I've never played an MMO, but I understand your feeling. The first times I played Zork on a school computer, it made me feel like I'd found a gateway to some vast universe. The Great Underground Empire was my Narnia.

Partly, games have changed, expectations are different, and nostalgia clouds our vision. Partly, we'll never be the same people we were years ago. I know too much about how the sausage is made, and time has a very different meaning.

After trying to keep up with GW 2 after the new expansion, I realize that maybe I'm done with MMOs. I like the feeling of progression and exploring a big world with lots of other people, but more and more I feel the time investment isn't worth the payoff. I'm feeling similarly about big 100-hour RPGs like dragon age inquisition, though the great characters keep me invested.

I've also tried two different things to keep things fresh. First, I've been doing a deep dive on strategy games like Europa universalis. Learning a completely new gaming system really scratches the novelty itch. I've also started playing Dragon Age like I watch TV - that is in hour or two sessions.

I empathize. My first MMO was also DAoC. Those days were magic. The game was difficult. Not only in gameplay but also in their mechanics. They were hard to understand. It was like playing in the wild west. Anything could happen. And we didn't have websites where every detail of a game was documented.

I don't mean to be the grumpy old guy reminiscing about the "good old days." Maybe it's completely possible for someone young to step into the world of modern MMOs and get that same feeling. But I'll tell you what - my 11 year old doesn't feel that way about GW2, which we play together. His playstyle is alot more like the rest of ours these days - too many games to play, not enough time. As far as I can tell he doesn't experience that magical immersion like I got the first time I played Halo. Or DAoC.

I, too, seek that dragon. But I've got alot more keeping me busy in my life than I used to. I find it difficult to just sit down and lose myself in any game world anymore.

I feel this way about WoW, not because the game is any better or worse than other games, but because the player base has shifted so dramatically for me and also because I'm running out of achievements.

I was really excited to play WoW back in the day because my friends played it and raiding was just like hanging out and having a party, only it could include people I was separated from by fairly substantial distances. Then people started leaving and the server in general cleared out and now the people that left have this remote feeling to them, like even if I wanted to have a friendly conversation I'd have to put in a lot of effort to get them to reciprocate. That makes me deeply yearn for an active guild with friendly people the likes of which I will probably never see again. Maybe if I moved servers and met new people, but I have too many resources locked into Misha-Rexxar.

The other problem is that I'm running out of achievements. Even if I stick to solo play in WoW, I'm closing in on 21000 achievement points (a little more than 80% complete, with basically just PvP and raid achievements left).

Unless a ton of people magically return or I get really into PvP, I don't know if WoW will carry me through another expansion.

For me it's tabletop gaming with friends, especially dungeon crawlers and RPGs. Every once in a blue moon the stars will align and the right combination of game, mood and people will come together and recapture it, but it all seemed so easy and natural when we were younger (except for me--I enjoy these things as much as I did when I was 12).

I had similar feelings in Ultima Online, Everquest, and Dark Age of Camelot, and Everquest 2. Ultima Online was my first MMO and despite all the exploits, bugs, server crashes, freezes, lag, and people just being all around jerks because they could and hurting real people because it was "just a game", I loved the game and played it practically to death. There were also a lot of really nice people in the game too as well as a lot of roleplaying. Eventually, they changed the game too much and the magic was gone for me.

I started playing Everquest back when it started and stuck with it for about a year. It was just a magical world that inspired my imagination and I was deeply into the lore and had fun with a lot of the quirky things that happened. Once it turned into a huge raiding game though, I was gone.

Started Dark Age of Camelot when it started and got into a nice roleplaying guild and met a lot of good people there. That lasted until the guild leader went insane and I eventually joined a larger non-RP guild that took more of a role in the RvR aspect. Like in Everquest, I was captivated by the world and loved doing the quests and the crafting and the RvR was the absolute best PvP experience I've ever had in a game. Eventually, they severely nerfed rangers so badly that the fun was gone (and I had done all of the quests and world exploration) and I left.

Everquest 2 is currently my favorite MMO. When I started, it had the same magical feel for me as the previous Everquest, but offered a ton more to do for someone who wasn't that fond of raiding. I've played it off and on since the moment it was released and have 10 characters I play regularly whenever I'm actually playing. I love that the non-combat aspects of this game have as much priority as the combat parts and so things like roleplaying and house decorating have gotten huge support from the devs. Whenever I'm in an MMO mood (which happens very rarely now) I always go back to this game. I've tried other MMO's, including trying to go back to the MMO's I mentioned earlier, but they just don't have the same depth and appeal as Everquest 2 as they've changed too much from my earlier memories. (Though I do go in and poke around in the original Everquest from time to time since it's actually possible to solo a lot of the content I couldn't do when I first played. I'm still upset that they made graphical changes to Freeport and the Commonlands though so it's lost part of its nostalgia for me.)

The thing is, I'm a lot less interested nowadays in MMO's in general. I feel very burned out on them and don't really want to spend my time playing them when I have a bunch of excellent single-player games in my backlog. I've also had very little desire to play games with other people and just want to be by myself and do my own thing quietly without having to expend the energy to chat with others and/or accommodate their playstyles and what they want to do.

You all need to go play Project Gorgon.

I can relate to this. When I was in my 3rd year at University for my Undergrad degree, me and my housemates took part in a LAN network game of Football Manager. We are all massive football fans and used to play the game separately quite a lot, until one day we decided it would be a good idea to have one big game with all of us (some of my housemates had previous failed attempts with people who didn't live with us, the key to this one was the fact we saw each other every day and were students, so had plenty time!)

The game was so addictive and brilliant that I actually made a plan to finish all my University work around it. It will probably always be my favourite gaming experience ever, especially beating my mate in the Champions League final at 4am in the morning. We just had so many stories come out of it and we talk about it all the time to this day.

Since then, a lot of us have actually struggled to get into future Football Manager games, I know I certainly fell off the bandwagon for a few seasons. There was just something about going that far into it and having that sort of interaction that I could never recreate in any other Football Manager game. I have started playing Football Manager games again, and I do enjoy them, but I really did peak with that one network game we had, I, unfortunately, doubt I'll ever have a better multiplayer experience again

garion333 wrote:

You all need to go play Project Gorgon.

That sounds awesome, Garion. Thanks for the link! It had me at "on fire? Jump in a lake!"

For me it was playing Smash 64 with my fraternity buds or Street Fighter II for the Super Nintendo when I was 12 with a friend. Doubt I'll ever feel that way about a game again.

maverickz wrote:

I thought this was going to be about drugs.

I thought it was going to be about a wanton car.

Honestly, VR made me feel like a little kid again. Nothing has been that magical for me since the NES days. A year later it's died down a bit but I still find new things regularly that give me the same feeling as my most treasured gaming memories.

bekkilyn wrote:

Everquest 2 is currently my favorite MMO. When I started, it had the same magical feel for me as the previous Everquest, but offered a ton more to do for someone who wasn't that fond of raiding. I've played it off and on since the moment it was released and have 10 characters I play regularly whenever I'm actually playing. I love that the non-combat aspects of this game have as much priority as the combat parts and so things like roleplaying and house decorating have gotten huge support from the devs. Whenever I'm in an MMO mood (which happens very rarely now) I always go back to this game. I've tried other MMO's, including trying to go back to the MMO's I mentioned earlier, but they just don't have the same depth and appeal as Everquest 2 as they've changed too much from my earlier memories. (Though I do go in and poke around in the original Everquest from time to time since it's actually possible to solo a lot of the content I couldn't do when I first played. I'm still upset that they made graphical changes to Freeport and the Commonlands though so it's lost part of its nostalgia for me.)

What server are you on?

Zoso1701 wrote:
garion333 wrote:

You all need to go play Project Gorgon.

Yeah, just dont expect it to ever actually release. In the meantime it's got a very old mud-like feeling to the community and despite the interface and graphics manages to be some of the most fun I've had in an mmo.

Agent 86 wrote:
bekkilyn wrote:

Everquest 2 is currently my favorite MMO. When I started, it had the same magical feel for me as the previous Everquest, but offered a ton more to do for someone who wasn't that fond of raiding. I've played it off and on since the moment it was released and have 10 characters I play regularly whenever I'm actually playing. I love that the non-combat aspects of this game have as much priority as the combat parts and so things like roleplaying and house decorating have gotten huge support from the devs. Whenever I'm in an MMO mood (which happens very rarely now) I always go back to this game. I've tried other MMO's, including trying to go back to the MMO's I mentioned earlier, but they just don't have the same depth and appeal as Everquest 2 as they've changed too much from my earlier memories. (Though I do go in and poke around in the original Everquest from time to time since it's actually possible to solo a lot of the content I couldn't do when I first played. I'm still upset that they made graphical changes to Freeport and the Commonlands though so it's lost part of its nostalgia for me.)

What server are you on?

Primarily Antonia Bayle server. If you decide to play and you like house decorating, join the Homeshow channel as it's really active and cross-server.

There are many fond gaming memories, but they can't all be "the dragon" I suppose. The game that owns this title is World of Warcraft. Those first long nights as a new Dwarf Hunter exploring/questing in the wintry Dun Morogh, absolutely no idea what I'm doing but loving every second of it. It started an obsession that, though on and off at spells, lasted nearly 10 years and remains the most fun game I've every played with other people.

My gaming dragon is forever going to be Star Wars Galaxies (pre New Combat obviously). It was the first game that I was truly absorbed in. It hit at just the right time in my life when I had mountains of free time to devote to it. That game really made you earn your rewards. Resources were scarce and limited, unlocking your coveted force sensitive slot too time, money, and a good bit of luck. Best of all the server populations were small enough that you could really distinguish yourself and feel unique. The crafting was also just incredible and deep. Obviously, I have deep unresolved feelings for this game.

A few years ago I tried to play the reboot servers being kept alive by the fans. They were OK, but they just couldn't match my first love.

[memory lane feels intensify ... warning long and rambling]
Ultima Online (never really got into DAoC or WoW or WOW-alikes). Oh man though, UO shoulda shipped with a rolled Washington. So addictive. I remember the first time I walked to the edge of the starting town.. bunch of folks were milling around because PKs were camping the road. Some killers and some hardcore thief characters (aka 'reds') were fighting for turf and folks were looking to run the blockade. Occasionally one of the red moonrakers would slip to close to the invisible line and a guard would materialize and booyah oneshot (maybe twoshot at best?) them. Such chaos.

Any-r-who, the experience was the wild west of gaming; fewer rules than MMOs that followed immediately after. Got pretty good at the 'rhythm' game of using lesser heals to stay just north of dead then turning the tide.

Some people hated the rampant PKing and struggle to survive that first year or so but fun times. Admittedly (and I didn't care for gank squads) all of my characters went solo non-guild red. Multiple accounts and I didn't even keep a town supplies mule because at some point they went red from home defense vigilante work. I used to wander around near dungeons and wait for folks to pick fights. Poisoning hams then leaving other loot around to sell the scene -- also great. Who the heck eats ham found at a massacre scene? I'll tell you who, lots of people. The ghost mechanic was great, right down to the randomized OoOOoooO above your head if you were trying to communicate to anyone who didn't have that spiritspeaking skill.

Granted, being a solo red had downsides. Sometimes you'd wait around as a ghost for a solid hour to hop someone's gate (spell) back to the mainland ... or alive and hope you didn't land in town and get instakilled by a guard (that moment of rolling the dice). Anyways, if a ghost, hoof it out to some backwaters res spot then hope to make it home alive.

Hiding skill or invis spell and patience was great if you could swing it in your build. Nothing like jumping someone's gate that you were hunting to settle a score with. That sigh of relief when you didn't land in a town and instantly die (and lose hours of your life after). The best was when one of your sworn enemies (or a whole crew) got sloppy, gated right near their house, then it was surprise payback time. Nothing like slicing fools on their doorstep with a poisoned katana, halberd critting the biggest threat before he knows what's up, spell unload the rest playing the whole my mana will outlast your mana game. Heck, if you really wanted to rub it in you didn't steal their house keys after. Just mix up all the stuff when you looted. Reagent bags were THE WORST. Always so messy with bags in bags in bags in bags if you were trying to protect against grandmaster thieves.

-sigh- Working a bunch of serial douche-y chumps over, mixing up their stuff... getting ganked yourself later. Walking over as a ghost and just waiting for them to show back up again by their house in those grey 'death robes' you got on res...

Ok, so you see this coming: the icing on the cake is when they're all bickering for ten minutes because someone (or all of them) is going to try to screw the other(s) on gear (helped along by shuffling their stuff as prev mentioned), especially spell reagents. Sh*t gets real as soon as someone realizes that 'Jimbo' is walking around with a month's fortune of black pearls, ash, bloodmoss (etc). Next thing you know these supposed friends are grabbing whatever they can off the nearest buddy corpse to re-stab|nuke their best mates. HA HA! Good times. Best of times.