How are they pissing you off? Or for the positivists among us, why are they so good at their job? How do they get fired, or promoted? Do they take over your position? Octodad chosen for the hero image because he's the poster child for a game character just trying to get by.
[Are these kinds of posts allowed/is this the right place for them? Thought it might be a fun topic to brighten up a Monday. Shall delete if people think it's silly or if it's in the wrong place. :)]
Cole Train gets hired. He is instantly the hardest worker here. He yells his ecstatic "WOO" every time someone fires up freshly repaired equipment. Hearing it is a mood booster. Site wide attitude improves.
He exclaimed "Lookit all dat juice" when we discovered a blown seal on a gear reducer for a high speed drive and the floor was covered in a big pool of oil and grease. It was a moment of pure unbridled joy despite the filthy work ahead.
When shift bids come up I follow him from shift to shift because the need to hear someone yell WOO becomes ever present, or my work loses all sense of satisfaction.
I realize I have the best job ever.
Cole Train eventually becomes CEO. There is much WOO. Everyone is happy.
I never work anywhere else.
WOO.
Fire bad. - GameGuru
You'll probably get a kick out of Manly Guys Doing Manly Things, if you haven't heard of it before. It centers around a temp agency for video game (and sometimes movie/tv) characters.
The Konami Code taught me everything I need to know about sex.
Donkey Kong gets hired as CEO which forces every to climb ladders in a vain attempt to reach him while jumping over obstacles. Every time someone gets close he pounds his chest and moves over to a higher platform creating a never ending, and pointless, struggle to reach the top.
Oh wait, this is supposed to be a fantasy not reality.
"When you find yourself on the side of the majority it's time to pause and reflect" - Mark Twain
Steam , Xbox, PSN: RooksGambit
I hire Isabelle from Animal Crossing as my personal assistant / minion. Productivity triples.
Now Playing: Super Mario Odyssey
Link and Gordon Freeman join the company and work in the bullpen. They are incredibly productive with few distractions but there is an ongoing scandal of stolen items from the communal fridge.
I'm glad to hear they found jobs that were a good fit!
Gordon and I worked at the same store briefly, but he didn't make it past the probationary period -- there were too many complaints about his customer service.
Recette, on the other hand, did an amazing job of turning the place around. Sales went way up after she took over as manager, and suddenly we were able to source all kinds of high-end inventory we couldn't get before. I have no idea how she does it.
Ever since the President of Arstotzka moved into our building, security at the front desk has been almost impossible to pass. Now I have to show my immunization records every time I come back from lunch.
Geralt of Rivia is hired to teach Biology. His approach of making students study every day and chastising those who run off to play is unacceptable in contemporary education. He's fired at winter break.
King K. Rool interviewed last week, and somehow got the job after recommendation from the scaly, suspiciously reptile-like HR manager - I think his name is Krem, or something. Weird.
Anyway, we had to suspend him for a couple days already. He knows how to put in good work and execute a plan; we haven't really seen any of his management skills in practice but somehow he has things all lined up. However, he's had a couple incidents where he's shown up to work only wearing a cape (and no pants), and he keeps making these 'AAOOHH' belching-type noises as he glares at people and quivers momentarily when they don't like his plan. The number of crown-related injuries has also doubled, going from two before he was hired, to four. And that was all only last week.
We told him that unless he gets his act together, he'd be forced to walk the plank. He came back and said he was a changed man, and that we should call him 'Captain'. The weird thing is, he keeps changing his nametag to read 'Kaptain.' I guess you don't have to know how to read in order to manage a team.
Lately he's gotten a little weird and has had his office closed all day - and we've heard a lot of metallic sawing and he's become the only one to wear lab coats here. For a recreational day last week, another employee had brought in his Donkey Kong arcade cabinet, but when everyone got back from lunch, it was destroyed. The company owed that guy $2500 because no one could figure out who it was. Later, we found the 'KONG' part of it in Captain's desk drawer.
I don't think he has long left here.
EDIT: I had a bunch of bananas in my drawer from Friday, and now they're gone.
My Backlog!
3DS Friend Code - 2750-1114-3316
Switch code: SW-6957-6151-9891
Max Payne's been here two weeks and he's already been written up twice for muttering to himself in front of clients.
"Max, this is Diane, she's the Vice President of the company."
"Diane offered her hand. It was colder than a corpse on a New York sidewalk in the middle of winter. I knew she was going to be trouble."
"What did you just say?"
"Nice to meet you." *squinty face*
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman
Max Payne looks like he's doing Blue Steel while staring into the sun.
Syncoda is my name
And Terra is my nation
Deep space is my dwelling place
The stars my destination
There's this guy called Stanley. Mostly keeps to himself, except for those times when he speaks up. Keeps his head down and does what he's told, you know. Well, except for that time he disobeyed a direct instruction. Or maybe he misunderstood it.
He works late, or maybe it just feels like it. He might be trying to avoid going home. I don't know if there's something there that he's trying forget. Or if he's bored with another evening at home when he's going to have to get up in the morning and come back to work. Sometimes I think he may just be really happy at work.
I'm sure you can relate. Sometimes, you're at work and it just seems like you're there to push buttons. Literal buttons. Metaphorical buttons. You wait for the signal and try to push the right button. Sometimes you mess up. Sometimes you get blamed as if you pushed the wrong button on purpose. Or maybe you pushed the right button, but it was at the wrong time.
You felt bad, but in the back of your head you weren't really sure if it was because you were being blamed for something you didn't deserve or if it was because deep down you felt like you deserved it. But then you went right back to the job, because that's what you were there to do, and if you didn't do it you didn't really know how else you were going to spend the time at work.
Maybe not every day was like that. Maybe there were good days, and bad days, and one day you just looked up from pushing buttons and realized that you were the only one there and you weren't quite sure what your life was about anymore. You think you used to like your job, and maybe you'll like it again tomorrow. You just want someone to tell you what to do, but you're afraid of losing yourself if you follow someone else's instructions.
You are Stanley.
the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's list of hotlines
I'm a propulsion engineer. Everyone I work with is basically Gordon Freeman, but he left his crowbar in the parking lot and got over the bronchitis that kept him from talking.
You've never known true joy until you've shaken a lich stick at someone.
Jimmy Hopkins (Bully) has helped us resolve interoffice politics, but I'm not sure if just beating up all the mid-level managers was the best way to do it.
Backloggery| Godville | Playstation
Steve started work here a few weeks ago, having really done well with his portfolio in his interview showcasing all the wonderful structures he's designed. Everything from a humble house, to inconceivably large superstructures that defy the laws of physics, and sometimes even float in the air. Well, while showing initial aptitude, his designs all seem a bit rigid and blocky, with a tendancy to lack resolution in the details. I've not seen a single curved object. Not even the door handles! Must be the way he thinks, but it seems we could modify his thinking to at least make the details seem a bit more clear. I do not think we will ever get him to design truly curved walls. But, straight walls are always cheaper, and the clients like that. He should do pretty well, so long as he stops trying to dig through the floor of the office and closing the door in my face when I try to leave behind him after dark.
Backloggery
Sonic the Hedgehog got hired last week. We've had drug screenings every day since then.
Neat thread. Despite there being a programmer for every video game ever made ever, I can't think of any software engineer or programmer characters.
Battle.net RolandGilead#11706 (Overwatch and Destiny 2)
Friend code: 0447-8302-5512
Call center job. Navi starts working. "Hey listen!" heard throughout the call center. People immediately quit.
No gaming until kitties get dinner. This rule shall not be questioned or broken. =^.^=
Steam/PSN/NNID - blondish83
These are all so great! Love the inventiveness from everybody. C:
Since all I can think of right now is Rocket League, I'm pretty sure a recruited Gizmo car would do a burn-out on my keyboard, smash my monitor through a window, and do a backflip that somehow knocks all my work into my own trash can. Then say "Sorry!" and suddenly disappear.
podcast | Battletag: flaxeh#6952
Booker Dewitt started recently. He's a wicked nice guy, but he keeps kicking in the doors on all the toilet stalls and eating out of the trash cans.
Jonman Wrote:
Yes, you can cancel Darksiders, but only by using your Sony Golds. Which, while pretty good, aren't a patch on Zelda.
I'm A Steam Curator!
A friend of mine works with Gordon Freeman. As it turns out, he's actually not a very good scientist. Apparently he was actually just a program manager at Innsbruck.
Jonman Wrote:
Yes, you can cancel Darksiders, but only by using your Sony Golds. Which, while pretty good, aren't a patch on Zelda.
I'm A Steam Curator!
"I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite copy machine in Accounts Receivable."
I wish you guys would stop encouraging him.
EvilHomer3k wrote:You are an evil, evil person.
Baron Of Hell wrote:YOU VILLAIN!
Winner.
That is awesome.
In the same vein
The Konami Code taught me everything I need to know about sex.
Yep, might as well lock down this thread.
Steam: [GWJ]MeatMan | "Now I know where to go if I have a hankering for testicles." –Higgledy
I would love to see GLaDOS as a call center employee.
"And now I'm off home to my castle for tea, biscuits and wenches. Tally ho!" - Jonman
"Dhelor + intarwebs = Great ideas." - wordsmythe
"On a scale of 0 to Triumph, how would you rate your experience today?"
Syncoda is my name
And Terra is my nation
Deep space is my dwelling place
The stars my destination