I once spent like 10 minutes doing fish puns with my high school physics teacher. On porpoise, not for the halibut.
Dude loved puns.
I feel the need to share this oldie but goodie (you can tell it's an oldie by the 240p max resolution).
Study Suggests ‘Dad Jokes’ May Help Kids Develop Into Healthy Adults
BPS article about the study: 'Dad jokes? That’s the way eye roll…’
I ate a kid’s meal at Wendy’s yesterday.
Her mom was pissed.
Flip, rotate, cycle, reel, whirl, trundle
l love synonym rolls
Actual conversation
Me: watch out. Bees
Nephew: don’t worry. They’re just bumblebees
Me: I don’t know. They look pretty fabulous.
Nephew: so?
Me: they could be grindrbees
Nephew: groan.
Me: Run if we encounter Christianminglebees or Farmersonlybees.
Nephew: Please stop.
Actual conversation
Me: watch out. Bees
Nephew: don’t worry. They’re just bumblebees
Me: I don’t know. They look pretty fabulous.
Nephew: so?
Me: they could be grindrbees
Nephew: groan.
Me: Run if we encounter Christianminglebees or Farmersonlybees.
Nephew: Please stop.
I'm pretty sure at least 65% of Paleocon's stories are true, and I really hope this is one of them.
The stationary store moved today.
I was surprised
Accidentally took my cats meds this morning instead of mine.
Don’t ask meow
I haven't heard one that bad in oolong time.
I'm green with envy.
Took my son to the pool for his birthday. Was being lazy do I decided to just pie in the deep end. The lifeguard must have noticed because she blew her whistle and startled me.
I nearly fell in.
Smothers Brothers segment on CBS this morning.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not in terror like the rest of the people in the car he was driving.
Maybe it's not a dad joke? Do we have a regular joke thread? Still funny.
I've been trying to word it with grandma: not in terror like my grandma did in the car he was driving.
Not sure if it works better or not.
Try "Not terrified like his passengers."
My personal phrasing is:
I want to die in my sleep like my grandpa. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
What's it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Toot in common.
A truck filled with Worcestershire sauce and a truck filled with quinoa crashed in front of the local charcuterie shop.
When asked by reporters what had happened a witness replied, "Well... it's kind of hard to say..."
I posted this on reddit last night and this was the most upvotes I'd ever received for a post so I figured it was worth sharing here too.
To Whomever Stole My Microsoft Office: I Will Find You! You Have My Word.
To Whomever Stole My Microsoft Office: I Will Find You! I Excel at it! You Have My Word. And when I do, your Outlook will be grim.
FTFY
Did you know that Sir Mix-A-Lot once got sued over alleged plagiarism in the lyrics to Baby Got Back? He was exonerated though.
It was a bum rap.
At the age of 65, my grandmother started walking 10 miles a day for her health.
Shes 87 now, and we don't know where she is.
*Snip*
Already posted 
*Snip*
We don't joke about that here.
omni wrote:*Snip*
We don't joke about that here.
It's still a bit of a sore spot.
Mixolyde wrote:omni wrote:*Snip*
We don't joke about that here.
It's still a bit of a sore spot.
Cut that out.
mrtomaytohead wrote:Mixolyde wrote:omni wrote:*Snip*
We don't joke about that here.
It's still a bit of a sore spot.
Cut that out.
This really isn’t fertile ground.
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