Tell us your best dad jokes!

LiquidMantis wrote:
Serengeti wrote:
LiquidMantis wrote:

Oh, here's one that always cracks me up:

While driving, ask "How does the chicken go?" then tap the brakes on and off.

...I don't get it

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/VfPf2XP.gif)

I don't know if the above is relevant, but I want to shout out some thanks to Danopian for his pun-laden gift of Chicken Shoot on Steam. (cross posted in the Keys thread)

Who's bigger? Mr. Bigger, or Mr. Bigger's baby?

The baby, 'cuz he's just a little Bigger.

Why don't bears wear sneakers?

They prefer bare feet.

Why do directors prefer to cast fish?

They work for scale.

How do robots reproduce?

They auto-mate.

What do you call a clutch that costs $0.20

Paradigm shift

#micdrop.

doubtingthomas396 begins to make dad jokes at a geometric rate. He becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.

Wordplaynater 2: Pun-ment day.

Someone needs to teach these to the Goodjer bot in IRC.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

How do dragons reproduce?

They auto-mate.

Fixed.

Dimmerswitch wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:

How do dragons reproduce?

They inciner-mate.

Fixed.

Fixed fixed.

Please, please change your avatar back to gentlemanly-founding-father-man instead of creepy-shouty-mustache-man. (shudder)

Sincerely,

Everyone ever

Archangel wrote:

Please, please change your avatar back to gentlemanly-founding-father-man instead of creepy-shouty-mustache-man. (shudder)

Sincerely,

Everyone ever

Ummm... that's the original boss from the IT Crowd at his father's funeral when Richmond gave his mother a Cradle of Filth CD... and recommend the track titled Coffin Stuffers... so... no... it is awesome.

Demosthenes wrote:
Archangel wrote:

Please, please change your avatar back to gentlemanly-founding-father-man instead of creepy-shouty-mustache-man. (shudder)

Sincerely,

Everyone ever

Ummm... that's the original boss from the IT Crowd at his father's funeral when Richmond gave his mother a Cradle of Filth CD... and recommend the track titled Coffin Stuffers... so... no... it is awesome. :lol:

Thank you for noticing!

I figured that after more than five years with the same avatar, it was time for a change.

Archangel... what a bastard.

I... I couldn't sleep at night. My kids wouldn't go near the computer. My cat started making unholy noises.

Oh wait, that was for Strangeblades's avatar.

Though you have to admit, creepy-shouty-mustache-man is pretty unsettling, what with that mustache staring directly at you no matter where you target your vision. Serious case of the jibblies.

Spoiler:

DT, do whatever you want. You don't have to listen to killjoys like me.

Resume thread:

"What do you get when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?"

"..........."

When the Girl Scouts announced they would be conducting sales on the internet, my father informed me that he wasn't worried about gorging on Samoas. You see, he said, he'd disabled cookies on his browser.

I commended him on a surprising level of technological knowledge, and then groaned for about 15 minutes.

Prederick wrote:

When the Girl Scouts announced they would be conducting sales on the internet, my father informed me that he wasn't worried about gorging on Samoas. You see, he said, he'd disabled cookies on his browser.

I commended him on a surprising level of technological knowledge, and then groaned for about 15 minutes.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I got my wife with this one early in our relationship.

As you drive by a field with round hay bales:

"Hey look, round hay bales. I heard those weren't that good, actually. Like, the cows were having trouble getting all the nutrition they need."

others in the car ask why that is

"Well, the cows can't get a square meal."

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

What do you call a clutch that costs $0.20

Paradigm shift

#micdrop.

Oh man, so bad. Love it.

Dad and I would regularly go for rides in the countryside. He knew most of the people in the area so he'd tell me stories about them; usually stories with a happy ending. On one particular ride we were having a good time until we encountered a red, round barn, which caused my dad to furrow his brow. He said "Oh, that's a sad place. A guy died in there, you know." I said, "Really? Man, that too bad. What happened?" Dad replied, "He couldn't find a corner to pee in."

Why did the revolutionary laundromat put their washing machines on stilts?

Because it's better to dye on your feet than lave on your knees.

How do you know a clock is hungry?

When it goes back four seconds.

Before the release of Smash Bros. Brawl, Ike met up for training with Marth. He says, "Yesterday I fought with one of the new competitors, and he's extremely formidable. He has a gold sword, bat wings, and can move incredibly fast."

Marth says, "Interesting. What does he look like?"

"That's the strangest part. This warrior was only two feet tall, blue, and completely round."

"That's strange indeed. I never met a knight like that."

You lost me, Demyx.

Demosthenes wrote:

You lost me, Demyx.

Hint: the Kirby universe.

This link should help.

IMAGE(http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/zelda/images/0/01/Link_Artwork_%28The_Legend_of_Zelda%29.png/revision/latest?cb=20090804201257)

How could anyone not know what a last will and testament is? It's a dead giveaway.

Baby mosquito went out for his virgin flight. When he got back, his anxious mother asked him, "well, how'd it go?". "I did great mom! Everyone kept clapping at me!"

Demosthenes wrote:

You lost me, Demyx.

Spoiler:

...never Meta Knight...

I was once up for a knighthood, but the hours were terrible, so I settled for an afternoon cowl instead.

What's the favorite radio station in Santa's Workshop?

The Wrap station.