Tell us your best dad jokes!

stupidhaiku wrote:

Keeping with the theme . . .

How do chefs show they're mad when pieces of spinach get stuck in their teeth?

Spoiler:

They garnish their teeth.

... Anyone?

I love it.

My son the other day: Dad, what do ghosts eat?

Me: Boo-logna

P.S. - Thanks everyone for sharing all these. I can always count on this thread to cheer me up.

space_kadet wrote:

Dad, what do ghosts eat?

The ghost eats toast for the breakfast.

(this song is fantastic and will get stuck in your head)

I was watching an Australian baking show the other day, and when the baker made a perfect meringue the audience all clapped and cheered, which I found odd since usually Australians boo-meringue...

I'm making a big pot of gumbo tomorrow, so to prep, this afternoon I'm browning a bunch of flour and butter into a slurry to thicken the sauce.

I'm going to roux this day.

hbi2k wrote:

I'm going to roux this day.

You already roux'ned mine.

Serengeti wrote:

I was watching an Australian baking show the other day, and when the baker made a perfect meringue the audience all clapped and cheered, which I found odd since usually Australians boo-meringue...

I was about to be offended then I realised what thread I was in.

I saw about a dozen ants last night at my family’s bonfire going to the flame. Two actually went in looking for some marshmallows that fell. I felt bad, so I saved the rest by putting them in a small piece of Tupperware. And now I’m a landlord.

Spoiler:

Because I have tenants

Doctor: We had to remove your colon.

Me why?

What's the scariest fruit?

A boo-nana!

Luckily my daughter is still young enough to think these are funny and not roll her eyes at me, yet.

Which veggie is always the first to pick a fight?

Tussle sprouts!

Do you ever wonder if Hot Pockets ever want to hear you say "Beautiful Pockets" every now and then?

No. Because you only think of yourself.

I heard Jim Gaffigan's voice while reading that.

I was told that I had to name two things that hold back water.

Well, damn!

I propose a remake of the movie Air Bud, but the dog is a different breed and is named Dale.

A father and son are arguing: Father: “Now go upstairs and think about what you said!” Son: *goes upstairs, into his room and sticks his head out the door* “I hate you! Jim Morrison is over rated!” Father: “What have I told you about slamming The Doors when you’re mad?!?”

My son nearly died with laughter when I shared my recipe with him:

Greg's Famous Green Beans

Ingredients:

1 lb. fresh green beans
6 oz. mushrooms
1 small onion
1 clove garlic
2 tbs. butter or olive oil
One pinch of grated parmesan cheese

Wash and trim the green beans. Cut into 2-inch segments. Set aside.

Fill a medium saucepan with water and set to boil.

Slice the mushrooms; chop the onion and garlic.

In a frying pan, melt the butter, then add the onion and garlic. Sauté for approximately 3 minutes, until the onion becomes translucent. Add the mushrooms and continue to sauté, stirring occasionally.

When the water comes to a rolling boil, turn on the garbage disposal and feed the green beans into it. Those things are disgusting. Once they are thoroughly ground, pour the boiling water down the drain to make sure they will never hurt anyone ever again.

Plate the mushroom, onion, and garlic mixture and garnish with the parmesan cheese. Serves 2.