Tell us your best dad jokes!

I changed all my user names to "Kenny"
Now I have Kenny Logins

tanstaafl wrote:

I changed all my user names to "Kenny"
Now I have Kenny Logins

Not funny.

Kenny wrote:
tanstaafl wrote:

I changed all my user names to "Kenny"
Now I have Kenny Logins

Not funny.

I concur.

My boss walks into a bar.

He orders everyone around.

My boss walks into a bar.

See! I told you that a-hole was a lousy drunk!

Two windmills are talking.

One asks "What kind of music do you like?"

The other says "Well, I'm a huge metal fan..."

Ted wrote:

Two windmills are talking.

One asks "What kind of music do you like?"

The other says "Well, I'm a huge metal fan..."

I shared that one with my family, and my sister-in-law provided this alternate punchline:

"I love Woody Gust-ry..."

IMAGE(https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turbine.png)

gmulert wrote:
Ted wrote:

Two windmills are talking.

One asks "What kind of music do you like?"

The other says "Well, I'm a huge metal fan..."

I shared that one with my family, and my sister-in-law provided this alternate punchline:

"I love Woody Gust-ry..."

Rabbit’s favorite music is hip-hop.

-

Ooh one more.

I work in the middle of the night and as such wear a headlamp when I’m doing stuff in the dark.

This guy drove up and asked, ”Are you feeling alright?”
Me: yeah
Guy: are you sure?
Me: yes. I feel great! why?
Guy: because you look a little light headed.

He then gave me the horse laugh and drove off. He didn’t even wait for me to praise his dad joke.

-

Now I’ve turned it around. If I’m walking around with my head lamp on and I see a stranger, I say, “Oh man. I’m feeling light headed.” Then I turn off the headlamp and say, “Oh, that’s better.” I ham it up when I do this and it’s very effective.

Two men get into a an argument on the street. After a few moments one of them pulls out a wedge of cheese and slices the other in half. He looks at the bystanders and yells “Do any of you want some?” before running away. One of the bystanders yells at him “How did you do that?”, another replies “Obviously it was a sharp cheese.”

Dr.Incurable wrote:

Two men get into a an argument on the street. After a few moments one of them pulls out a wedge of cheese and slices the other in half. He looks at the bystanders and yells “Do any of you want some?” before running away. One of the bystanders yells at him “How did you do that?”, another replies “Obviously it was a sharp cheese.”

I'd laugh but I'm too busy looking for my ruler. I draw the line at cheesy jokes.

This exchange happened today between me and my 14-yo daughter, who already knows everything there is to know in the world via watching TikTok 24x7.

Li'l Merph: This one school-related site stopped working for me about a week ago. The login button doesn't show up at all - in fact, all of the buttons across the top aren't there any more!

Merphle: Try holding shift while you click reload.

LM: Why? What does that do?

M: It forces a reload of the entire page. Sometimes it helps with weird problems.

LM: But just clicking reload will reload the page.

M: Yeah, but just try it.

LM: But-

M: I'M A WEB DEVELOPER I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT JUST TRY IT.

LM: Ok! Hmm, I've tried hitting every key on my keyboard before, but I haven't tried all the different combinations. I wonder what shift and the space bar does?

M: It gives an uppercase space.

LM thinks for a moment, then smirks

M: No actually it's a space, but it's a space that's YELLING. And you know what they say - in space, nobody can hear you scream.

LM glowers and storms off

Well, I enjoyed that exchange more than I assume your daughter did.

I thought it was Ctrl+F5?

If you really want to fully reload the page (in Chrome) you gotta hit CTRL+SHIFT+I then right click the reload button then choose the “Empty Cache and Hard Reload” option but I couldn’t figure out how to turn that into a dad joke

Cross post from the This Old $&#)&$ House thread.

In follow up to our project I want to share a dad joke I am proud of.

We had just finished splicing a joist that was rotted out under the water leak in the floor. My father in law and I were talking and trying to figure out what to tackle now the joist is done.

"Can we 'Rejoice' now that we have re-joist?"

I am still chuckling over this one. Lame joke but it landed well with him.

And there was much rejoisting.

The angels were always misunderstood. God knew He was going to be a carpenter. He just wanted some early advertising.

My 10 yr old came up with this:

What do you call three dents on your cars' hood?

A trident.

Biden's won so many times in Michigan now he is legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

Why are so many blacksmiths married to the job?

Because the ones that aren't can only make bastard swords.

hbi2k wrote:

Why are so many blacksmiths married to the job?

Because the ones that aren't can only make bastard swords.

I am so sharing that with my blacksmith friends who actually do make swords.....backstory of that is I have worked at a renaissance festival for 26 years.

Paleocon wrote:

Biden's won so many times in Michigan now he is legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/WxDZ77xhPXf3i/giphy.gif)

Paleocon wrote:

Biden's won so many times in Michigan now he is legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

How you can tell that joke was not written by an OSU alumnus:

It does not say "The Ohio State University."

BadKen wrote:
Paleocon wrote:

Biden's won so many times in Michigan now he is legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

How you can tell that joke was not written by an OSU alumnus:

It does not say "The Ohio State University."

As a brother to an alumnus and a husband to a U of M family -- YUUUUP!