Tell us your best dad jokes!

What did one magnet say to the other magnet?

Spoiler:

"I'm very attracted to you."

ThatGuy42 wrote:

What did one magnet say to the other magnet?

Spoiler:

"I'm very attracted to you."

I'm repulsed by you! We're polar opposites.

What is the best time to make my dentist appointment?

Two Thirty

Alz wrote:

What is the best time to make my dentist appointment?

Two Thirty

Spoiler:

Tooth Hurty......

Speaking of dentists:

Why do dentists call them dental x-rays, when they should have called them

Spoiler:

tooth pics

Tscott wrote:
ThatGuy42 wrote:

What did one magnet say to the other magnet?

Spoiler:

"I'm very attracted to you."

I'm repulsed by you! We're polar opposites.

But opposites attract...

I asked my granddaughter to fetch the paper and she went "Oh, grandpa, you don't need that! Here, use my phone."
Now she's mad at me for smashing the spider with her phone.

This just happened.

My daughter was feeling stressed out and emotional, so I gave her a hug. I transitioned it into more of a 'face hug' for extra comedic effect, with the hopes that she'd chuckle and feel better. She said, "I don't like being smothered," to which I replied, "That's why I'm sfathering you."

Why are cis-het women who live in the bayous so happy?

Spoiler:

They can always visit the mangroves.

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/ciOWsI0.jpg)

I’ve got a scary math joke but I’m 22 to say it.

My therapist told me that I find it impossible to vocalize my emotions.

Spoiler:

Can’t say that I’m surprised.

My friend Pedro saw I was having a bad day, so he came up to me and said “Mucho.”

“Thanks,” I replied. “That means a lot.”

What's a dad's favorite fruit? The Papaya! (papa-yah)

The company I work for held a meet and get a photo with Santa event for the community. They decked the halls, then they added Santa jokes posted every few feet for kids to read.

What goes Oh! Oh! Oh!
Santa walking backwards.

What motorcycle does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson

What does Santa do if he gets stuck in a chimney?
He gets Claus-trophobic

What’s it called when Santa claps at the end of a play?
Santapplause

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker

Santa goes down chimneys because it soots him.

Santa never gets paid for what he does. That’s why they call him Saint Nickel-less.

What is a doggo's favorite winter dessert? Peppermint Bork! (Peppermint Bark) However, if the person you're talking to is clever and guesses it, you can say "Pupsicles!" (Popsicles). the answers are interchangeable.

IMAGE(https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/82517958_2325376841086216_8092862998743351296_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ohc=PVjmb6-PjvsAX-1QX58&_nc_ht=scontent-atl3-1.xx&oh=e3fd95c2109a43c24a7dfade5237f8bb&oe=5EA40AC3)

So my daughter was telling me about a book she was reading about cows and something about the cow making a cowcollator. Well, I misheard Cowculator. Man, there's got to be a good dad joke there?!

How do cows figure out complex mathematical equations? They use a cowculator?!

Sydhart wrote:

So my daughter was telling me about a book she was reading about cows and something about the cow making a cowcollator. Well, I misheard Cowculator. Man, there's got to be a good dad joke there?!

How do cows figure out complex mathematical equations? They use a cowculator?!

Something about arithmootic

Geez, guys, you've got it all laid out, now you just put it together.

"How do cows do Arithmootic? They use a Cowculator!"

And they're good at it. They're out standing in their field.

Counterfeiting money is a good way to make a buck.

Taxidermy is a good way to remake a buck.

But using cow in the question makes it too easy.

How does a calf solve math problems? A cowculator.

Or...
Cattle.
Bovine.
Steer.
Bull.
Etc.

How does a calf solve math problems?

By looking at it from different ankles?

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

Spoiler:

Nothing, silly! Chimneys don't talk.

Or, you can do a two part to make it even more gooder! Yes, gooder is a word.

What kind of math are cows good at? Arithmootic!
How do they figure it out? They use a cowculator!

I knew you guys would help me out on this one. I can't wait to pick up my kids from school now.

Two guys walk into a bar. You’d think the second one would’ve ducked.

Robear wrote:

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

Spoiler:

Nothing, silly! Chimneys don't talk.

Two muffins are in an oven. The first one says “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” And the second one says “Holy crap! You’re a talking muffin!!”