Tell us your best dad jokes!

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/83apbvQ.jpg)

I had a Tesla until it got stolen.

Now it’s an Edison.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

I had a Tesla until it got stolen.

Now it’s an Edison.

Well theres the elephant in the room.

I may have mentioned it in a previous comment, but my 18 yr old daughter bought me a Dad Joke book several weeks ago. My "littles" (7 yr old daughter and 6 yr old son) came in to my bedroom a couple nights ago and asked me to read them some Dad jokes before bed - at which point, I came across the following, perfectly timed gem.

What did the momma cow say to the baby cow?

"It's pasture bedtime."

Brutus: What day is it, Caesar?
Caesar: 8-2, Bruté?
Brutus: *stabbing sounds*

I get to use this joke one day a year, I'm gonna make the best of it.

Mixolyde wrote:

Brutus: What day is it, Caesar?
Caesar: 8-2, Bruté?
Brutus: *stabbing sounds*

I get to use this joke one day a year, I'm gonna make the best of it.

You can also use it on February 8th, since a lot of Europeans use D-M-Y versus M-D-Y (which is secretly the real reason companies that do international business have to hire export experts, otherwise nobody would know when the heck anything was supposed to clear customs)

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/rbFXuBT.jpg)

doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

Brutus: What day is it, Caesar?
Caesar: 8-2, Bruté?
Brutus: *stabbing sounds*

I get to use this joke one day a year, I'm gonna make the best of it.

You can also use it on February 8th, since a lot of Europeans use D-M-Y versus M-D-Y (which is secretly the real reason companies that do international business have to hire export experts, otherwise nobody would know when the heck anything was supposed to clear customs)

Something I’m totally prepared for. Then I hit one of those Y-M-D countries and get completely lost.

But, umm, joke. Not sure this is one, bit it certainly deserves to be...

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/3LIjTkW.jpg)

Mantid wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

Brutus: What day is it, Caesar?
Caesar: 8-2, Bruté?
Brutus: *stabbing sounds*

I get to use this joke one day a year, I'm gonna make the best of it.

You can also use it on February 8th, since a lot of Europeans use D-M-Y versus M-D-Y (which is secretly the real reason companies that do international business have to hire export experts, otherwise nobody would know when the heck anything was supposed to clear customs)

Something I’m totally prepared for. Then I hit one of those Y-M-D countries and get completely lost.

But, umm, joke. Not sure this is one, bit it certainly deserves to be...

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/3LIjTkW.jpg)

Is someone selling those on ETSY?

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE IS SELLING THOSE ON ETSY!

doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Mantid wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

Brutus: What day is it, Caesar?
Caesar: 8-2, Bruté?
Brutus: *stabbing sounds*

I get to use this joke one day a year, I'm gonna make the best of it.

You can also use it on February 8th, since a lot of Europeans use D-M-Y versus M-D-Y (which is secretly the real reason companies that do international business have to hire export experts, otherwise nobody would know when the heck anything was supposed to clear customs)

Something I’m totally prepared for. Then I hit one of those Y-M-D countries and get completely lost.

But, umm, joke. Not sure this is one, bit it certainly deserves to be...

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/3LIjTkW.jpg)

Is someone selling those on ETSY?

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE IS SELLING THOSE ON ETSY!

the problem is if you got one, you would never be able to hold onto it, you would always be dropping it.

Son: I’m going to take a shower.

Dad: No, please just leave it where it is.

ElectricPi wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Mantid wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

Brutus: What day is it, Caesar?
Caesar: 8-2, Bruté?
Brutus: *stabbing sounds*

I get to use this joke one day a year, I'm gonna make the best of it.

You can also use it on February 8th, since a lot of Europeans use D-M-Y versus M-D-Y (which is secretly the real reason companies that do international business have to hire export experts, otherwise nobody would know when the heck anything was supposed to clear customs)

Something I’m totally prepared for. Then I hit one of those Y-M-D countries and get completely lost.

But, umm, joke. Not sure this is one, bit it certainly deserves to be...

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/3LIjTkW.jpg)

Is someone selling those on ETSY?

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE IS SELLING THOSE ON ETSY!

the problem is if you got one, you would never be able to hold onto it, you would always be dropping it.

Looks like it would hit pretty quietly, so would it matter if nobody heard you drop it? Probably for the best, since you've got kids, dads!

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/kMxRSjl.jpg)

Almost everyone: Your daughter is so cute! Is she your first?
Me: As far as I know.

Am I doing Dad Jokes right?

Mixolyde wrote:

Almost everyone: Your daughter is so cute! Is she your first?
Me: As far as I know.

Am I doing Dad Jokes right?

Yes, but that's better told as a Mom Joke.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Mantid wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

Brutus: What day is it, Caesar?
Caesar: 8-2, Bruté?
Brutus: *stabbing sounds*

I get to use this joke one day a year, I'm gonna make the best of it.

You can also use it on February 8th, since a lot of Europeans use D-M-Y versus M-D-Y (which is secretly the real reason companies that do international business have to hire export experts, otherwise nobody would know when the heck anything was supposed to clear customs)

Something I’m totally prepared for. Then I hit one of those Y-M-D countries and get completely lost.

But, umm, joke. Not sure this is one, bit it certainly deserves to be...

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/3LIjTkW.jpg)

Is someone selling those on ETSY?

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE IS SELLING THOSE ON ETSY!

Doesn’t look hard to make.
PM me if you want.

(Edit)
Yup. Lots of online patterns and looks like people are selling them on Etsy.

merphle wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

Almost everyone: Your daughter is so cute! Is she your first?
Me: As far as I know.

Am I doing Dad Jokes right?

Yes, but that's better told as a Mom Joke.

My wife uses this one once in a while.

Because a person’s legs are almost never exactly the same length, it turns out they actually have three knees.

A low knee.
A middle knee.
And a high knee.

My wife: Screaming during labor
Me: What's wrong?
My wife: These contractions are killing me!
Me: I am sorry. What is wrong?

tanstaafl wrote:

My wife: Screaming during labor
Me: What's wrong?
My wife: These contractions are killing me!
Me: I am sorry. What is wrong?

Take your damn upvote.

Alz wrote:

Because a person’s legs are almost never exactly the same length, it turns out they actually have three knees.

A low knee.
A middle knee.
And a high knee.

I had to read that a second time, slowly, before I got it. Bravo.

What is the best exercise for lazy people?

Diddly squats.

So I went to the pet store and asked for a dozen bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many,” I said.

“That one is a freebee.”

IMAGE(https://external-preview.redd.it/eCb4RxbW8s3cSCTFin4Qoqu55rE3La_mrulfVPQowbE.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=463055e999266389ad5607a31f4c467aca625745)

I laughed too hard at that...