Tell us your best dad jokes!

Stengah wrote:

These puns are enough to fell even the mighty Ajax!

My janitor buddy Hector tells me Ajax is no good.

I will not be happy until we reach 409 cleaning puns. Wen that happens, it will be the Dawn of a new Era.

Don't make me say soap again. Damn, I've gone and done it. I said soap. Damn! I said it again! I can't stop saying soap! AAARGH!

Antichulius wrote:

Absolutely.

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Confused? You won’t be after reading this week’s dad jokes thread!

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And here I thought the tide had passed.

In an attempt to move on....

What did the buffalo say to her calf when it was time for him to leave?

Bye, son.

So there are these two fish in a tank. One says to the other,

Spoiler:

"I'll drive you shoot!"

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

We were replacing the front cross beams on our fence last weekend. It was getting impossible to take out the palings as the beams they were attached to had rotted through. I decided it was easier to undo the cross beams from the main uprights, and then deconstruct each fence section in the workshop.

Not wanting to miss a "how often will this happen in your life" opportunity, I looked at my wife, winked, then proceeded to wind up my 9 year old daughter.

"Don't speak to me for the next 5 minutes, you'll only upset me".

"But why?"

"I warned you, say nothing to me, I'm serious, anything you say to me, will be incredibly upsetting"

"But..."

"That's it!"

At this point, I lifted up the section I had just undone, and very dramatically said.

"You've gone too far, you've ignored my requests, so now... I'M TAKING A FENCE"

My wife lost it laughing, my 9 year threw her hands in the air, my 8 year old giggled, and I walked off to the sounds of my eldest daughter groaning in agony at the pun, asking my wife "why did you marry him, that was soooooo bad?"

m0nk3yboy wrote:

We were replacing the front cross beams on our fence last weekend. It was getting impossible to take out the palings as the beams they were attached to had rotted through. I decided it was easier to undo the cross beams from the main uprights, and then deconstruct each fence section in the workshop.

Not wanting to miss a "how often will this happen in your life" opportunity, I looked at my wife, winked, then proceeded to wind up my 9 year old daughter.

"Don't speak to me for the next 5 minutes, you'll only upset me".

"But why?"

"I warned you, say nothing to me, I'm serious, anything you say to me, will be incredibly upsetting"

"But..."

"That's it!"

At this point, I lifted up the section I had just undone, and very dramatically said.

"You've gone too far, you've ignored my requests, so now... I'M TAKING A FENCE"

My wife lost it laughing, my 9 year threw her hands in the air, my 8 year old giggled, and I walked off to the sounds of my eldest daughter groaning in agony at the pun, asking my wife "why did you marry him, that was soooooo bad?"

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Everyone knows by now that 6 is afraid of 7 because, 7, 8, 9.

But why did 7 ate 9?

Because he needs three squared meals a day.

I laughed at the "Rorshach test" one

Wink_and_the_Gun wrote:

I laughed at the "Rorshach test" one :D

That one is really good

The sickest of dad jokes...

Joe Marra on FB wrote:

It's okay to be white,
It's okay to be black,
It's okay to be Hispanic,
It's okay to be Asian,
It's okay to be Mediterranean,
It's okay to be straight,
It's okay to be gay,
It's okay to be bi,
It's okay to be whatever you want to be.

BUT TEAM COSPLAYING AS THIS WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AT A CONVENTION IS NEVER OKAY!:

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I don’t get it.

Hahahahaha...

obirano wrote:

I don’t get it.

That's from Fullmetal Alchemist where a dad scientist is experimenting with alchemy and uses his daughter as part of an experiment and morphs the dog with the daughter. It's really, really disturbing.

Edit: Here's a wiki entry on Nina.

Yeah, it's taking the phrase "publish or perish" to a whole new level.

You know how, when you're frying Canadian Bacon for your breakfast sandwich, you really want it to stay flat, for the perfect sandwich experience? I've discovered the trick to keep it from curling.

Spoiler:

Take its little brooms away.

Edit: removed a stupid stray apostrophe.

He was in one episode of a 64 episode anime, and yet I remember that bastard's name was Shou Tucker. I laughed too much at that picture, though.

If you really think about it, Thomas Jefferson and Nickelback are two sides of the same coin.

Thanks for the explanation and yeah, that’s f*cked up.

Where in the house are zombies not allowed?

The living room!

I went to a wedding this weekend, and it was such a beautiful ceremony that even the cake was in tiers.

I found out today what an acorn is, I mean scientifically, and it's really cool! I mean... Well, it's complicated, but in a nutshell, it's a tree.