Of all the birthdays you'll ever have, the shortest one will be your Twenty-Second birthday.
In future computer, Data crunches you!
What animal has the most lives?
The frog
Why?
because they croak every night.
What animal has the most lives?
The frog
Why?
Spoiler:because they croak every night.
That is one super happy frog.
He takes a licking and keeps on tripping
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting Knock Knock joke.
Interrup-
Knock Knock!
That's right up there with interrupting cow.
Did you know that Spring is just around the corner?
I told my wife this morning that there's a huge leak in the bathroom:
Unfortunately, I don't spell very well when I speak.
You should report later that it left a huge stain
Oldie but still a goodie:
Why is six afraid? Because seven eight (ate) nine.
Seven is a known six offender.
Oldie but still a goodie:
Why is six afraid? Because seven eight (ate) nine.
So far this is really lost on my 3 year old....Been trying for a while.
Here are a few that I've been telling my 7yo for years, and he loves them.
What's brown and sticky?
-A stick.
What's green and has wheels?
-Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What do grapes and a chicken have in common?
-They're both purple, except for the chicken.
What's green and red and goes a thousand miles an hour?
-A frog in a blender.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: It's too far to walk.
What's brown and sticky?
-A stick.
I always tell this one as the first of three:
What's brown and sticky?
-A stick.
What's pink and slippery?
-Slippers.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
-Dung!
Always liked this take. It can take some a while to get it. Perhaps context will help this time.
Always liked this take. It can take some a while to get it. Perhaps context will help this time.
I always expect him to say "Get it, Coral?" in that last panel.
I always expect him to say "Get it, Coral?" in that last panel.
IGetThatReference.gif
/r/funny is leaking
Q: What is a four letter word?
A: Yes, it is.
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says to him, "Why do you have a steering wheel attached to the front of your pants?"
Pirate says, "It's drivin' me nuts! Aargh!!"
(then pantomime like you're steering a ships wheel)
Idiot walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Is this the bar where you can buy smart pills?"
Bartender says, "It sure is."
Idiot says, "I'll take two." So the idiot swallows the pills and says, "HEY! THESE SMART PILLS TASTE LIKE RABBIT POOP!!"
Bartender says, "See? You're getting smarter already."
A famously rude but brilliant Sommlier walks into a bar, and boasts to the bartender: "Pour me a glass of anything, and I can tell you not only who made it, but the year, and even the field the grapes came from!"
So the bartender goes into the back, then comes out a moment later with an old, unlabeled bottle. He pours a a glass and hands it to the "expert".
He swirls it, sniffs, then takes a small taste, and immediately spits it out.
"This ... is PISS!!" the Sommlier yells angrily.
"Good guess," says the bartender. "But who's?"
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
Canadadian jokes!
Pages