Tell us your best dad jokes!

Tscott wrote:

I love you Fozzie, don't ever change.

I never thought they'd top Fozzie but I love Pepe.

BaconSandvich wrote:

Mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here!" Mushroom says "What?! I'm a fungi (fun guy)!"

I actually had an opportunity to deploy that one in the wild last week.

I was at work, and my boss and the boss from another department were discussing pecking order in a Joshing sort of way. My boss remarked that at least we were above pond scum. The other boss said we were more like mushrooms.

And I quipped "well, I am a fungi."

Oh, the delicious groans! Neither of them spoke to me for an hour.

IMAGE(http://img.ifcdn.com/images/9cd194516d5eb0a7076df6d9c2aeaade13f3e7b21ecd1c375696dfc55e9450ba_1.jpg)

Awesome.

It delights me to imagine that alongside all the walking on water, healing the sick, water into wine stuff Jesus still made time to play "got your nose" with local kids.

Matthew 19:13-14

Grenn wrote:

Matthew 19:13-14

The KJV could have been clearer on the nose thing.

He clearly put His hands on their noses. It's all in the Greek.

Spoiler:

It isn't.

I went fishing with my dad the other day. When we got back home he proudly exclaimed to my brother that I was a master baiter.

The princess of the Mushroom Kingdom decided to lay down her scepter and take up making shoes.

Spoiler:

She's now a Peach Cobbler.

Why did Little Mac retire?

Spoiler:

His career was leaving him feeling boxed in.

Why did Princess Zelda take up archaeology?

Spoiler:

She was looking for the missing Link

Things were looking bad for Fez, but he turned things around.

Why do Astronomers have so much disposable income?

Spoiler:

Even in a down economy their business is looking up.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

Why did Princess Zelda take up archaeology?

Spoiler:

She was looking for the missing Link

Aagrgrghrgrhgrhrgrgghrgh that's not archaeology

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

Why do Astronomers have so much disposable income?

Spoiler:

Even in a down economy their business is looking up.

Okay, you made up for it with this one.

Gravey wrote:

Aagrgrghrgrhgrhrgrgghrgh that's not archaeology

Archaeology is the science of defeating Nazism, right?

TheHarpoMarxist wrote:
Gravey wrote:

Aagrgrghrgrhgrhrgrgghrgh that's not archaeology

Archaeology is the science of defeating Nazism, right?

No, its the art of Tomb Raiding.

UpToIsomorphism wrote:
TheHarpoMarxist wrote:
Gravey wrote:

Aagrgrghrgrhgrhrgrgghrgh that's not archaeology

Archaeology is the science of defeating Nazism, right?

No, its the art of Tomb Raiding.

IMAGE(http://33.media.tumblr.com/ae94ba2bec4172d64746f85e21d282c2/tumblr_nkc5u2fAXF1qcmin4o2_500.gif)

Gravey wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:

Why did Princess Zelda take up archaeology?

Spoiler:

She was looking for the missing Link

Aagrgrghrgrhgrhrgrgghrgh that's not archaeology

Should I issue a heartfelt anthro-pology?

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

Things were looking bad for Fez, but he turned things around.

Spoilers!

Hey DoubtingThomas -- someone said that you sound like an owl.

My wife picked up some more cloth diapers the other day and i was putting them away this morning. One is covered in Batman '66 style comic-sans word balloons (Bam! Biff! Pow! Thwack! etc). I first warned my wife that a bad joke was incoming, then asked:
So when she wets this diaper, can i say that she onomatopeed herself?

merphle wrote:

Hey DoubtingThomas -- someone said that you sound like an owl.

When?

Dryden wrote:

My wife picked up some more cloth diapers the other day and i was putting them away this morning. One is covered in Batman '66 style comic-sans word balloons (Bam! Biff! Pow! Thwack! etc). I first warned my wife that a bad joke was incoming, then asked:
So when she wets this diaper, can i say that she onomatopeed herself?

You da real MVP.

Maq wrote:
Dryden wrote:

My wife picked up some more cloth diapers the other day and i was putting them away this morning. One is covered in Batman '66 style comic-sans word balloons (Bam! Biff! Pow! Thwack! etc). I first warned my wife that a bad joke was incoming, then asked:
So when she wets this diaper, can i say that she onomatopeed herself?

You da real MVP.

Ahem... M V Pee

My girlfriend is making dad jokes.

We ordered Indian food the other night on Grubhub - they have a delivery minimum of $35 for that restaurant. We had both gotten an entree and also opted to get an appetizer. We were sitting around $20-something. We decided to get an order of naan, but that still didn't put us high enough. She says - we have to get more naan. It's naan-negotiable.

Maq wrote:
Dryden wrote:

My wife picked up some more cloth diapers the other day and i was putting them away this morning. One is covered in Batman '66 style comic-sans word balloons (Bam! Biff! Pow! Thwack! etc). I first warned my wife that a bad joke was incoming, then asked:
So when she wets this diaper, can i say that she onomatopeed herself?

You da real MVP.

Most Varied Punster

damnablebear wrote:

My girlfriend is making dad jokes.

We ordered Indian food the other night on Grubhub - they have a delivery minimum of $35 for that restaurant. We had both gotten an entree and also opted to get an appetizer. We were sitting around $20-something. We decided to get an order of naan, but that still didn't put us high enough. She says - we have to get more naan. It's naan-negotiable.

That's marriage material.