Tell us your best dad jokes!

T-Prime wrote:

Real exchange with my wife last night:

Me: I heard a great ebola joke today
Wife: Yeah, what is it?
Me: Eh, you won't get it.

I CDC what you did there.

DudleySmith wrote:

A: Knock knock
B: Who's there?
A: An interrupting sheep
B: An interrupt-
A: BAAAH!

I horrified my daughter with the followup to that joke.

A: Knock knock
B: Who's there?
A: An interrupting snail
B: Interrupt-
A: lick your victim

You need to have a sufficiently close relationship to your audience for that one. It probably didn't help that I told it after we'd recently seen Lars Mikkelsen in Sherlock...

Why did the salmon wear a tie?
He wanted to look so-fish-ticated.

My favorite has always been:

What does a fish say when it runs into a cement wall?
Damn.

Michael wrote:
T-Prime wrote:

Real exchange with my wife last night:

Me: I heard a great ebola joke today
Wife: Yeah, what is it?
Me: Eh, you won't get it.

I CDC what you did there.

It took about three weeks for that joke to incubate before I let that one bleed out onto the internet.

I swear, it was contagious from the first time I spit that from my mouth.

/goestohell

T-Prime wrote:
Michael wrote:
T-Prime wrote:

Real exchange with my wife last night:

Me: I heard a great ebola joke today
Wife: Yeah, what is it?
Me: Eh, you won't get it.

I CDC what you did there.

It took about three weeks for that joke to incubate before I let that one bleed out onto the internet.

I swear, it was contagious from the first time I spit that from my mouth.

/goestohell

I wash my hands of this strain of thought.

danopian wrote:
T-Prime wrote:
Michael wrote:
T-Prime wrote:

Real exchange with my wife last night:

Me: I heard a great ebola joke today
Wife: Yeah, what is it?
Me: Eh, you won't get it.

I CDC what you did there.

It took about three weeks for that joke to incubate before I let that one bleed out onto the internet.

I swear, it was contagious from the first time I spit that from my mouth.

/goestohell

I wash my hands of this strain of thought.

Come on, this could go viral!

In honor of the holiday:

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Spoiler:

Because of all the coffin

Why did Dracula subscribe to Game Informer

Spoiler:

Because it has good circulation

What happened to the guy who missed a payment to the exorcist?

Spoiler:

He was repossessed

What happened to the cannibal who was late for dinner?

Spoiler:

She got the cold shoulder

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Spoiler:

Squash

A snail walks into a car dealership and says to the salesman, "I want the biggest car you have, I want it to be painted gold and I want a large capital 'S' painted on the side." The salesman says to the snail, "Biggest car, check. Painted gold, check. But tell me, why do you want a big 'S' painted on the side? That seems a little weird." The snail answers, "Well, you see, when I get in my car and drive down the road, I want everyone to turn and look and say Hey! Look at that 'S' car go!"

What is the only kind of nut that sneezes?
The cashew!

Ohhh the chortles! stop, it hurts!

UpToIsomorphism wrote:

In honor of the holiday:

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Spoiler:

Because of all the coffin

Why did Dracula subscribe to Game Informer

Spoiler:

Because it has good circulation

What happened to the guy who missed a payment to the exorcist?

Spoiler:

He was repossessed

What happened to the cannibal who was late for dinner?

Spoiler:

She got the cold shoulder

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Spoiler:

Squash

What do vegan zombies eat?

GRAAAAAAIIIIINNNNSSSS!!!

If frozen tea, is iced tea, frozen coffee is iced coffee, and frozen juice is iced juice, what is frozen ink?

Iced ink!

You sure do kid, you sure do...

One day, I dream my wife will tell me she is pregnant, so I can reply "Hello Pregnant, I'm Dad."

UpToIsomorphism wrote:

One day, I dream my wife will tell me she is pregnant, so I can reply "Hello Pregnant, I'm Dad."

I do that to my kids when they tell me that they're starrrrrrving. "Hello starving, I'm Dad."

UpToIsomorphism wrote:

One day, I dream my wife will tell me she is pregnant, so I can reply "Hello Pregnant, I'm Dad."

Oh my god.... jaw dropped... I'm going to do this even if it costs me a limb.

merphle wrote:
UpToIsomorphism wrote:

One day, I dream my wife will tell me she is pregnant, so I can reply "Hello Pregnant, I'm Dad."

I do that to my kids when they tell me that they're starrrrrrving. "Hello starving, I'm Dad."

That has to be the most Dad reply ever.

What do you get when you toss a white rabbit into the Red Sea?
A wet rabbit.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you top a car?

You tep on the brake, tupid.

How do you catch a wolf?

You dig a pit, 4 feet cubed, line the bottom with ashes and put a pea in each corner. When the wolf comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole!

What kind of pasta do they eat in Jamaica?

Reggaetoni

Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?

A: A brick!

Q: Will you remember me in a day?
A: Yes.
Q: Will you remember me in a week?
A: Yes.
Q: Will you remember me in a month?
A: Yes.
Q: Knock knock
A: Who's there?
Q: You said you would never forget!

Danielle Riendeau (Juniors Mint of the Idle Thumbs podcast) made a game dedicated to dad jokes.

The Wonderful World of Dad Jokes

No word yet if you get "No love for Dad?" if a joke misses.

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Malor wrote:

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Anything that can end in "Coral".

Bonus_Eruptus wrote:
Malor wrote:

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Anything that can end in "Coral".

Or Carl.

Bonus_Eruptus wrote:
Malor wrote:

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Anything that can end in "Coral".

Or a resigned groan.

I can't stand Russian Dolls; they're just so full of themselves.

Malor wrote:

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Corny puns and wordplay.

TheHipGamer wrote:
Bonus_Eruptus wrote:
Malor wrote:

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Anything that can end in "Coral".

Or Carl.

Coral = Carl, depending on Andrew Lincoln's accent on a given day.
IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/OSURB9T.jpg)

Stengah wrote:
Malor wrote:

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Corny puns and wordplay.

TheHipGamer wrote:
Bonus_Eruptus wrote:
Malor wrote:

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Anything that can end in "Coral".

Or Carl.

Coral = Carl, depending on Andrew Lincoln's accent on a given day.
IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/OSURB9T.jpg)

Hah!

A man goes to join the Norwegian Navy. The first thing the recruiting sergeant says is, "First an very important question. Can you swim?" To which the man replies, "Why? Don't you have any boats?"

Malor wrote:

So, what's the definition of a 'dad joke', anyway?

Did your dad tell it to you? Did you groan in reply?