Tell us your best dad jokes!

KEA_Lightning wrote:

What did 0 say to 8?

Have you been broken long? Because you are sideways infinity.

Most of my kitchen utensils are helpful and kind, but that spoon is always stirring the pot.

Never bet the mortgage on a double four, because that will surely debt-on-eight.

The God of Thunder's workout buddy was getting exhausted trying to keep up, and asked the Thunder God to slow down.

"Aren't you tired? He asked.

"I'm Thor." Came the reply.

"You're Thor? I can thcarthley walk!"

Did you hear the one about the produce delivery man?

He drove everybody bananas.

What kind of tablet does a cat use?

An I-pawed.

I got my wizard friend a set of faux-ermine golf club covers. Now he has a hairy putter.

Are you still alive? This many dad jokes in a row is just not healthy.

I busted this one out on my nieces when it was time to go inside for dinner: time flies when you're having fun and fruit flies like bananas. Still one of my favorites.

Asterith wrote:

Are you still alive? This many dad jokes in a row is just not healthy.

I have a lengthened bone in my upper arm, which is a medical condition known as "low humerus."

Rezzy wrote:

I busted this one out on my nieces when it was time to go inside for dinner: time flies when you're having fun and fruit flies like bananas. Still one of my favorites.

The well known version of that is, "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." It's been attributed to Groucho Marx as saying it, but I was crushed when I heard there was no evidence he ever said it.

I've designed a new device called "The Storm", which is basically just a power strip-style brick of USB ports, plugged into the wall. This way, when I have guests over who need to charge their mobile devices, I can recommend that they use any port in The Storm.

Bonus:

Spoiler:

If I can get the ports to deliver 2.1A and work out a licensing deal with Apple, I'll call it "The Lightning Storm".

merphle wrote:

I've designed a new device called "The Storm", which is basically just a power strip-style brick of USB ports, plugged into the wall. This way, when I have guests over who need to charge their mobile devices, I can recommend that they use any port in The Storm.

Bonus:

Spoiler:

If I can get the ports to deliver 2.1A and work out a licensing deal with Apple, I'll call it "The Lightning Storm".

*groans angrily*

T-Prime wrote:

*groans angrily*

That's the name of my Motorhead cover band.

T-Prime wrote:
merphle wrote:

I've designed a new device called "The Storm", which is basically just a power strip-style brick of USB ports, plugged into the wall. This way, when I have guests over who need to charge their mobile devices, I can recommend that they use any port in The Storm.

Bonus:

Spoiler:

If I can get the ports to deliver 2.1A and work out a licensing deal with Apple, I'll call it "The Lightning Storm".

*groans angrily*

That reminds me of a joke my father used to tell.

He said that when he retired he wanted to open a gardening center and nursery called "The Marquis de Sod."

Tscott wrote:
Rezzy wrote:

I busted this one out on my nieces when it was time to go inside for dinner: time flies when you're having fun and fruit flies like bananas. Still one of my favorites.

The well known version of that is, "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." It's been attributed to Groucho Marx as saying it, but I was crushed when I heard there was no evidence he ever said it.

This always seems like a coming of age joke to me, as it made no sense to me for about ten years. Then, one day, I got it, completely without fanfare. I was thirty. It always makes me think of Blaine the Mono. ^.^

Puce Moose wrote:
Tscott wrote:
Rezzy wrote:

I busted this one out on my nieces when it was time to go inside for dinner: time flies when you're having fun and fruit flies like bananas. Still one of my favorites.

The well known version of that is, "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." It's been attributed to Groucho Marx as saying it, but I was crushed when I heard there was no evidence he ever said it.

This always seems like a coming of age joke to me, as it made no sense to me for about ten years. Then, one day, I got it, completely without fanfare. I was thirty. It always makes me think of Blaine the Mono. ^.^

Blaine is a pain.

Are you talking about

Spoiler:

'mono' being a train and Blaine rhyming with 'train',

I'm confused.

RolandofGilead wrote:

Are you talking about

Spoiler:

'mono' being a train and Blaine rhyming with 'train',

I'm confused.

I'm surprised you are confused given your username and tag...

Strewth wrote:
RolandofGilead wrote:

Are you talking about

Spoiler:

'mono' being a train and Blaine rhyming with 'train',

I'm confused.

I'm surprised you are confused given your username and tag...

I was just wondering if that was also something which came to you out of the blue many years later.

I bet you don't know the opposites to these words:

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

Maq wrote:

I bet you don't know the opposites to these words:

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/ytPNLpJ.gif)

CptDomano wrote:
Maq wrote:

I bet you don't know the opposites to these words:

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/ytPNLpJ.gif)

(Brangelina are uninterested in standing for that ovation.)

Maq wrote:

I bet you don't know the opposites to these words:

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

Ugh, bruh.

lols

CptDomano wrote:
Maq wrote:

I bet you don't know the opposites to these words:

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/ytPNLpJ.gif)

I lol'd, then I lol'd again

Puce Moose wrote:

This always seems like a coming of age joke to me, as it made no sense to me for about ten years. Then, one day, I got it, completely without fanfare.

That joke for me was the classic "Take my wife, please!" I never heard anyone give it the proper pause, and the humor of it escaped me until my late twenties when randomly one day I was explaingin a concept and started with "Take this thing -- " BING!

My favorite Groucho Marx joke was:

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog is too dark to read.

LilCodger wrote:
Puce Moose wrote:

This always seems like a coming of age joke to me, as it made no sense to me for about ten years. Then, one day, I got it, completely without fanfare.

That joke for me was the classic "Take my wife, please!" I never heard anyone give it the proper pause, and the humor of it escaped me until my late twenties when randomly one day I was explaingin a concept and started with "Take this thing -- " BING!

Mine was in The Crow.

Brandon Lee jumps into a junkie's room and tells the following joke while getting shot: "Jesus walks into an inn. *bang* He hands the innkeeper three nails *bang* and says, 'Can you put me up for the night?' *bang*" and the scene moves on.

It took me almost 10 years to realize that there was no more to the joke. I laughed pretty hard when I finally got it.

Chumpy_McChump wrote:

Brandon Lee jumps into a junkie's room and tells the following joke while getting shot: "Jesus walks into an inn. *bang* He hands the innkeeper three nails *bang* and says, 'Can you put me up for the night?' *bang*" and the scene moves on.

It took me almost 10 years to realize that there was no more to the joke. I laughed pretty hard when I finally got it.

THAT is amazing hahahahahahahahahahha