Tell us your best dad jokes!

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I an making a list of funny and head shaking worthy dad jokes. The can be clean or dirty. Lets hear them!

Here is one my dad uses all the time and randomly saw again on the web today:

Civil war jokes?

I General Lee don't find them funny.

What do you call a Hispanic guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

"Look kids, a flock of cows!"
"It's a herd of cows, Dad."
"Of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them!"

I can't wait.

Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

What's on the bottom of Bass Lake?

Bass turds.

What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish.

What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

I'd tell you all an Ebola joke, but you wouldn't get it.

PaladinTom wrote:

I'd tell you all an Ebola joke, but you wouldn't get it.

Current!

This thread is already making me grin. Here is another:

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school the other day?
It's OK, he woke up.

IMAGE(https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/s720x720/10348630_10152160471596723_3232522922577893991_n.jpg?oh=0591843a5c269d1302668f313a0e8cc0&oe=54E63828)

Literally every single time I drive past a graveyard, I cannot help but point it out and tell everyone in the car, "There's the most popular place in town... Everyone's dying to get in!"

My passengers may disagree, but I think it just keeps getting funnier every single time

What's green, got six legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A snooker table.

When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.

What's round at both ends and high in the middle?
Ohio.

Why can you never find any pain killers in the jungle?
The parrots eat em all (paracetamol)!

What's brown and sticky?
A stick!

What's blue and tastes like red paint?
Blue paint!

m0nk3yboy wrote:

What's brown and sticky?
A stick!

Haha that's a good one

Best dad joke I've heard of, from a little online vignette awhile back:

The author, as a kid, walked facefirst into a screen door. His father called out, "Careful! You'll strain yourself."

He said it took him about twenty years to get it.

I was putting my daughter to bed and saw she'd used a book to mark her place in a larger book.

That one wrote itself.

Then I said, "Get it? GET IT?," and she (5 yrs. old) semi-condescendingly said "Good one, dad," which has become our daddy-daughter in-joke that we repeat after anything even theoretically humorous.

What time is it when you need to go to a dentist?
2:30 (tooth hurtie)

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one.

Serengeti wrote:

IMAGE(https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/s720x720/10348630_10152160471596723_3232522922577893991_n.jpg?oh=0591843a5c269d1302668f313a0e8cc0&oe=54E63828)

This is my new favorite thread.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.

What do you call a man with no shins?
Tony.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to keep an eye on this.

What goes ha ha ha bonk?
A person laughing their head off!

What goes zub zub?
A bee flying backwards!

What comes up if you dig a hole in the middle of the road?
A Policeman.

The plug won't fit? Socket! (Sock it)

An original...

What did the chicken do after it crossed the road?
It turned around and went 'bok'.

Want to hear a funny one? There was a man who stayed home all day!

...

I guess you could say it's an inside joke.

One my Dad actually made up:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Werewolf
Werewolf who?
Werewolf you when I needed you?

Saw this online and can't wait to do this to my father-in-law on Thanksgiving:

I'm going to go the bathroom and when I come out I'm going to tell him there's a big leak in the bathroom. He'll run in and see...

IMAGE(http://chickgeek.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/leek.jpg)

PaladinTom wrote:

Saw this online and can't wait to do this to my father-in-law on Thanksgiving:

I'm going to go the bathroom and when I come out I'm going to tell him there's a big leak in the bathroom. He'll run in and see...

IMAGE(http://chickgeek.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/leek.jpg)

What's a sheep's favorite food?

-- Baaa baaa Q

m0nk3yboy wrote:

What time is it when you need to go to a dentist?
2:30 (tooth hurtie)

IMAGE(http://i.investopedia.com/inv/articles/slideshow/stock_blunders/frustrated_man2.jpg)

A recent dirty one for my dad:

Spoiler:

Did you know they have Viagra for the eye?

It's called Cockeye

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