TL;DP Reviews: Community Edition (formerly "1 hour in" game reviews)

JillSammich wrote:

peasant.

Now now, philistine is perfectly acceptable.

Here's the alphabetical list:
Edit: Uhhh... formatting?

Broforce (doubtingthomas396)

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons (MrDeVil909)

Bulletstorm (JillSammich)

Call of Juarez Gunslinger (Tetranomad)

Cloudbuilt (Godzilla Blitz)

Divinity: Original Sin (Aaron D.)

Divinity: Original Sin (Taharka)

Dust: An Elysian Tale (Eleima)

Euro Truck Simulator 2 (doubtingthomas396)

FTL (doubtingthomas396)

Game Dev Story (Mrtomaytohead)

Infested Planet (UMOarsman)

Marlo Briggs and the Mask of Death (doubtingthomas396)

Ninja Gaiden 3: Razors Edge (Cceserano)

Orcs Must Die (imbiginjapan)

Rogue Warrior (doubtingthomas396)

Runespell: Overture (Katy)

Secret of Magic Crystals (doubtingthomas396)

Secret of the Magic Crystals (Gravey)

Space Hulk (BadKen)

Spacebase DF-9 (AndrewA)

Spintires (McIrishJihad)

State of Decay (Badken)

Super Amazing Wagon Adventure (Bubs14)

Super Amazing Wagon Adventure (Eleima)

Super House of Dead Ninjas (Veloxi)

They Bleed Pixels (Taharka)

Ticket to Ride (Godzilla Blitz)

Transistor (Eleima)

Taharka wrote:

Alphabetical Links

Most excellent [ / Bill S Preston ]

Thanks!

JillSammich wrote:

Ok, I guess I'll finally try my hand at one of these.

One hour into: Bulletstorm
Platform: PC
Sponsored By: hbi2k

I tried the demo and hated it. After finishing the game twice, I have to acknowledge that it's one of my favorite FPS games.

I think that really sunk in the second time I got to Waggleton P. Tallylicker and still found it hilarious.

LilCodger wrote:
JillSammich wrote:

Ok, I guess I'll finally try my hand at one of these.

One hour into: Bulletstorm
Platform: PC
Sponsored By: hbi2k

I tried the demo and hated it. After finishing the game twice, I have to acknowledge that it's one of my favorite FPS games.

I think that really sunk in the second time I got to Waggleton P. Tallylicker and still found it hilarious.

That moment specifically was king of cringe-worthy for me, but the sequence leading up to it was one of the coolest things I've done in recent gaming memory.

JillSammich wrote:

That moment specifically was king of cringe-worthy for me, but the sequence leading up to it was one of the coolest things I've done in recent gaming memory.

I think my brain just meshed the ridiculous, over-the-top gameplay with the ridiculous, over-the-top dialogue. They just went together SOOOO well.

JillSammich wrote:
LilCodger wrote:
JillSammich wrote:

Ok, I guess I'll finally try my hand at one of these.

One hour into: Bulletstorm
Platform: PC
Sponsored By: hbi2k

I tried the demo and hated it. After finishing the game twice, I have to acknowledge that it's one of my favorite FPS games.

I think that really sunk in the second time I got to Waggleton P. Tallylicker and still found it hilarious.

That moment specifically was king of cringe-worthy for me, but the sequence leading up to it was one of the coolest things I've done in recent gaming memory.

Count me with those that laughed my stupid head off during that while sequence.

Man, it really stinks that Bulletstorm isn't going to work anymore when GFWL goes dark.

But at the present time, we don't know when GFWL is going to go dark. It could be around for years. MS has backed off shutting it down this summer.

The only bad thing about Bulletstorm is GFWL.

BadKen wrote:

But at the present time, we don't know when GFWL is going to go dark. It could be around for years. MS has backed off shutting it down this summer.

Hmm. Well, back on my wishlist it goes. If it drops below my threshold of impulse purchase price, then I'll play it again with a mouse instead of a PS3 controller.

1 hour in: Hard Truck Apocalypse/Ex Machina

Sponsored by me? (I don't remember buying it for myself, but my steam license list shows I did.)

TL/DR Review
Like a combination of Euro Truck Simulator and Fallout, but with Sparkle Ponies production values.

Seriously, the voice acting is hilariously bad. You should buy it just to hear it.

Long form review
So I was prepared to hit this one harder, but then I saw it was released in 2005. So I decided to go easier on it.

And then I saw that F.E.A.R. was released in 2005, and decided to go back to being hard on it again.

Hard Truck Apocalypse/Ex Machina is kind of a vehicular RPG for day traders. You are presented first with a truck with an machine gun turret and cargo to be taken to a nearby map location. That's the tutorial, and the bulk of the action in the game. Drive from here to here, kill some bandits along the way, deliver your cargo. It is a game built out of fetch quests.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. If Euro Truck Simulator 2 has proven anything, it's that driving a load of stuff from point A to point B can be enthralling.

And indeed, the driving parts of the game feel pretty good. It's a bit arcadey, but honestly you're driving a flatbed with machine guns on it. Sim is not what this is going for.

You do have to monitor the health of your truck and your weapon, as they can both break. So don't think you'll be smashing into raider dune buggies to finish them off, because you'll take more damage than it's worth and you may not make it to a gas station or town for repairs.

Towns are, arguably, where the real game happens. In towns you can take jobs, buy and sell your cargo, get fuel, repair and upgrade your rig, or simply buy a new truck. The interface is clunky, though they do try to make up for it with a decent hint system. Personally, I'm a sucker for trader games (I once played nothing but Escape Velocity Nova for a year) and this one works. Driving and combat is decently fun, and will get better as I upgrade the truck.

So why was I planning to be hard on this game?

Because the production values are horrendous.

Start with he graphics. The world is a collection of various lumps covered by a low resolution vomit colored texture. There are trees and buildings that don't look too bad, and almost make up for it, until you see the people.

Oh gosh. The people!

IMAGE(http://www.mobygames.com/images/shots/l/311644-hard-truck-apocalypse-windows-screenshot-that-s-you-the-post.jpg)Now I'm a REAL boy, Gepetto!

IMAGE(http://www.mobygames.com/images/shots/l/311659-hard-truck-apocalypse-windows-screenshot-talking-to-a-perfectly.jpg)GAH! KILLITWITHFIRE!

The official, in game explanation for why all the characters look like that is that the environment is toxic and therefore everybody must wear masks. And, naturally, because people are vain they will make-- in a world with limited, post apocalyptic resources-- Michael Myers masks.

The sound is comically bad. There is virtually no engine noise whatsoever, and while the machine guns sound reasonably like machine guns, even with the sound effect volume cranked all the way they're so quiet that they bring to mind the old Entertech squirt guns of my youth (THE LOOK! THE SOUND! THE FEEL! SO REAL! ENTERTECH!). Which is to say the gunshots are dwarfed by nearly every other sound in the game.

The voice acting isn't quite House of the Dead bad, but it's up there. Not every character is voiced, but the ones that are sound like they're reading English phonetically but don't actually know what the words mean.

I think my favorite is the way the main character solemnly intones "the roof is on fire" for no apparent reason. To say he sounds like he's reading a phone book does not begin to describe it. He sounds like he's reading from a particularly boring phone book in which every person is named Gary and has the same phone number.

A close second is the way that bandits say "noooo" when you blow them up. Describing this is difficult, but imagine Wolfman Jack* on Valium finding out that his last box of ring-dings is empty.

All that said, I am enjoying this. Sure, the graphics are a decade old and the voice acting is Pam Anderson bad and the text reads like someone translated it from Russian with the intention of sounding like Chekov from Star Trek ("I have weapon for you. Is perfect!"), but the gameplay is actually fun, and the combat is interesting, and it gives me that "just a few more jobs and I can upgrade this thing, so I can do a few more jobs and upgrade that other thing, which means I'll be able to buy a new truck soon!" Feeling that every trader game needs.

Will I keep playing?

Sure. It's not going to be my main game, but it's a fine game to switch on when I have a half hour to kill or when I feel like the main thing Euro Truck Simulator is missing is a Mad Max skin.

*if that reference is too old for you, substitute The Kool Aid Man.

I now want that game, but made well. I love the idea but execution is everything.

I want doubtingthomas to play more terrible games.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

imagine Wolfman Jack* on Valium finding out that his last box of ring-dings is empty.

Gravey wrote:

I want doubtingthomas to play more terrible games.

Sounds like the next funding project for Goojers to focus on during the Winter Summer Sale...

UMOarsman wrote:
Gravey wrote:

I want doubtingthomas to play more terrible games.

Sounds like the next funding project for Goojers to focus on during the Winter Summer Sale...

If that happens I will create a category in steam solely for this purpose.

I shall call it "kill it with fire!"

doubtingthomas396 wrote:
UMOarsman wrote:
Gravey wrote:

I want doubtingthomas to play more terrible games.

Sounds like the next funding project for Goojers to focus on during the Winter Summer Sale...

If that happens I will create a category in steam solely for this purpose.

I shall call it "kill it with fire!"

Surely you mean "The roof is on fire."

Hrm, Runespell Overture sounds like something I'd love on my iPad for my commute to and from work. I've fallen deep on Fairway Solitaire lately, and this seems to scratch the same itch.

I really don't think I could get past the visuals in Hard Truck Apocalypse/Ex Machina... I got upset when, at a pivotal, emotional scene in Brothers, I saw a UV seam in the character model. It took me right out of the scene.

I'm not a graphics guy per se... but I do notice lazy texturing and UV'ing in games.

Katy wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:
UMOarsman wrote:
Gravey wrote:

I want doubtingthomas to play more terrible games.

Sounds like the next funding project for Goojers to focus on during the Winter Summer Sale...

If that happens I will create a category in steam solely for this purpose.

I shall call it "kill it with fire!"

Surely you mean "The roof is on fire."

Or [ sedatedwolfmanjack] noooo [ /sedatedwolfmanjack ]

Game: Far Cry 2
Platform: PC
Sponsored By: ccesarano

TL;DR;

Has not aged well at all, but I can see why some folks were disappointed with Far Cry 3

Long Review:

I've only been part of the PC Master Race for a little over a year now, and one of my favorite experiences has been playing Far Cry 3. But this review is about its predecessor - Far Cry 2. The general consensus in the FC3 thread here is that both are great games, and after 90 minutes of play into FC2, I can totally see it.

FC2 was originally released in October 2008, and the last 6 years have not been kind. The textures and meshes have never been updated, but thankfully there's support for a wired Xbox controller. You'll just have to figure out what each button does, and don't even try to re-map anything. And for a run-n-gun open-world kind of FPS, the gunplay is a little loose.

But there's a solid core here - I can see why there's so much contention of the "failure" of FC3. There's a system for purchasing weapons and upgrades, a "buddy" system, and once you're through the tutorial it's up to you which order you want to go through missions for the two sides of the conflict. There's "cease fire" zones, where your character relaxes their weapons. I'm getting vibes of Yojimbo/A Fistfull of Dollars/Last Man Standing, and totally expect that I have to continue playing both sides against each other to get to The Jackal.

But seriously, the immersion in this game is pretty awesome. I just wish there was an HD remake.

Will you keep playing? Most likely, at least for a few more hours.

Dark Souls rating On a scale of 1 to Dark Souls, I give it a 2 so far. There's certainly some system mastery going on here, but side-by-side with FC3, it doesn't hold a lantern.

I just want to stress that I'm really enjoying this thread, and that I'm thrilled to read all these reviews.

I find it somewhat odd to hear how horrible 2008 graphics have become, when I just re-installed my old Doom and Quake wads using the fan-enhanced executables and was enjoying myself quite nicely.

Weird.

ChipRMonk wrote:

I find it somewhat odd to hear how horrible 2008 graphics have become, when I just re-installed my old Doom and Quake wads using the fan-enhanced executables and was enjoying myself quite nicely.

Weird. ;-)

It depends on the game. Usually games that simply try to push the hardware to its breaking point don't hold up well, while ones that use the hardware to create an interesting visual style hold up better.

It's all about design. Super Mario 64 still looks pretty good, while Goldeneye didn't hold up at all.

See also Half Life 2 and World of Warcraft.

Well, that's the thing - apparently the CryEngine doesn't take kindly to mods. From a quick search, it sounds like there's loaders you can use that wrap the executable, but all they can do is inject in some different shaders and graphics settings - nothing can change the fact that you have super low-res textures and meshes :/

I'll spend a little more time in it, because I can see some greatness.

McIrishJihad wrote:

Well, that's the thing - apparently the CryEngine doesn't take kindly to mods. From a quick search, it sounds like there's loaders you can use that wrap the executable, but all they can do is inject in some different shaders and graphics settings - nothing can change the fact that you have super low-res textures and meshes :/

I'll spend a little more time in it, because I can see some greatness.

And by greatness you mean burning fields of tall, dry grass with baddies flailing their arms while being burned alive.

mrtomaytohead wrote:

And by greatness you mean burning fields of tall, dry grass with baddies flailing their arms while being burned alive.

And malaria!

Kehama wrote:
mrtomaytohead wrote:

And by greatness you mean burning fields of tall, dry grass with baddies flailing their arms while being burned alive.

And malaria!

And pulling bullets out of your arm with a leatherman!

doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Kehama wrote:
mrtomaytohead wrote:

And by greatness you mean burning fields of tall, dry grass with baddies flailing their arms while being burned alive.

And malaria!

And pulling bullets out of your arm with a leatherman!

And this is why people think FC2 is better than FC3. In FC3, you get better graphics, BUT only 1/3rd of these features!

I've decided to throw my next review up to the community.

Here is a list of some of the games I have installed with less than an hour logged to them and that would lend themselves to first impression reviews. Which one would you like to read about?

Alien vs Predator 2000
Cthulhu saves the world
Divine Divinity
Doc Clock and the toasted sandwich of time
Fable: the Lost Chapters
Far Cry 3
Far cry 3 blood dragon
Gun Monkeys
Hotline Miami
How to Survive
Mafia 2
Metro 2033
Neighbors from Hell (1 or 2)
Octodad
Sacred Citadel
Shadow Warrior (the new one)
Shadow warrior: viscera cleanup detail
Space Marine
Surgeon Simulator

Divine Divinity or Metro 2033.