Good thoughts for Phoenix Rev appreciated

Dimmerswitch wrote:

Glad RubbEd is there to pamper you and wait on you hand and foot and why do I feel like he's stabbing a voodoo doll of me right now?

If your head is hurting, I have meds for that.

Well at least this thread is popular enough to get spam.

It's not lupus.

I'll say more later when I'm at the computer and not in my tablet.

And spammer, you are bad and should feel bad.

Oh PR I'm so sorry you didn't get some answers or at least direction today. I wish you both the mental, emotional, and spiritual strength to cope with this process.

Sorry to hear it wasn't the day you wanted.

Waiting it out sounds tough, but at least you still have options, and it sounds like they are making sure they can have as many of those on the table for you next time you meet, given the amount of blood work they are undertaking, etc.

Good thoughts and well wishes to you both, plus ((((( hugs)))))

Rubb Ed wrote:

It's not lupus.

I'll say more later when I'm at the computer and not in my tablet.

And spammer, you are bad and should feel bad.

It is never lupus.

Joke aside, big hugs for both of you. I can't even imagine what you guys are going through... but if there is anything we can do... just say the word.

IMAGE(http://www.howtobeaheroine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/House-Its-not-lupus-Its-never-lupus.jpg)

I was afraid of this. So sorry they don't have a better idea of what's going on, but at least they're looking for answers and not pretending they know. My thoughts are with you guys.

Also,it didn't sound like lupus.

So... time for my thoughts. My advance apologies for language incoming, because right now, I'm honestly pissed off at the world.

I hate the fact that the man that I love is going through one of the worst things in his life, and the doctors can't figure out what the f*ck is going on. It's been 4 months already, and now we're looking at up to another 3, depending on what tests they call for and do on him. I hate that I can't fix this for him, I can't make it better for him, I can't do anything except talk with him and every once in a while hold him while he cries from fear or pain or despair at the situation. This shouldn't be that f*cking hard.

I'm also pissed off at the world for f*cking with our lives so much over the past few years. Every single damn year, we've hoped that the prior year was the worst, and every year, the world decides to lay more sh*t on our doorsteps. Last year, I got melanomas on my back removed, which caused me to ruin more than a few shirts, have my own fear of mortality slapped in my face, and worry my husband about me. So I hoped this year would be better, and what happens? Instead of my husband being able to stop working in a position where he's had no opportunity for advancement, and move out to California to start a new life together, I get laid off for obnoxiously piss-poor reasoning and he gets this. It's going to be 5 years of marriage in November, and we've still yet to live together. It was supposed to happen this year, and I'm absolutely livid that the universe has conspired against us yet again.

I don't expect life to be fair, I'm not 19. I know better. But, f*ck, I'd like to stop rolling 1s and have the odds start throwing a 20 or two our way. I'd like my husband's stress levels to DROP. I'd like to have a damn job where I can stop being just someone else's peon and never have someone be mine. I'd like my husband to get the same opportunity. It's not like neither of us have the experience at it, nor is it like we've not got the capacity for it.

Most of all right now, I'd like to just have the husband who laughed back. I'd like to stop seeing him cry from pain, or cringing every time he so much as has a whisper of a sneeze or cough hit him. I'd like to not have every joke have this underlying pain (literal or figurative) to it. I don't want him apologizing to me for something that's not his fault, and that he had no control over.

I'd also like to not be this angry. Phoenix Rev mentioned having to hold me back, but I wasn't that pissed off at the doctors... I knew they were as frustrated as the two of us are. But then on the drive, Phoenix Rev mentioned an acquaintance of the two of us whom neither of us have fond memories of, and I felt my blood start to boil at the thought of that guy in front of me. Adrenalin started racing, I bet I was getting flushed, the whole shebang. All I wanted was the opportunity to crush the guy. I'm not proud of the fact that I can (and regularly do right now) have these violent desires, but neither am I going to lie about it. I just want someone to beat the ever-living crap out of. I want to channel all of the pain and anger and frustration and fear and every other emotion I'm feeling, and use it to make someone else feel my pain for a while.

I know this may make some of you feel differently about me, but I can't help it right now. This is how I feel. I'm afraid for Phoenix Rev, and for me. I'm angry for Phoenix Rev, and plenty more for me. I'm tired. I'm probably not well myself (no health insurance = no idea if something's wrong with me). I'm lonely. I'm sad. I'm hurting every time I see or hear Phoenix Rev cry or feel sad.

I miss happy Dave and happy Zach. We've both been there. We both have put up with enough to have those two back. And yet.

I know this is a long-ass post, so my apologies for that. I just needed to vent.

Don't need to apologize. We're listening.
<3

Well sh*t. That's a crappy outcome. I was hoping for good news as I had a dream about you two last night and, to be honest, it got a little weird. A bottle of mezcal and a pair of 1210s. But I digress.

Much love from the frozen north and hoping for some good news for you both soon.

Rubb... I feel no differently about you than before. What you're feeling is completely human, and we're here.
Fingers crossed that the docs will figure it out. Docs don't like being in the dark either.

Much love to the both of you, hope things will start looking up soon.

I can't express it better than those above. Hope they find something soon. Take care.

Rev and Rubb, I can't begin to imagine the frustrations you guys are experiencing, both now and in the last few years. Nobody here is going to look down on either of you if your thus far remarkable grace cracks a little.

Rubb, somewhat pertinent to your rant, while my hardships have been nowhere near what you have experienced, some day this sums up how I feel about life and the Universe, with apologies to those of a religious bent.

IMAGE(http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll120/MrDeVil_909/546209_10151603897366992_1608277139_zps182e526f.jpg)

Amoebic wrote:

Don't need to apologize. We're listening.
<3

+1

Our continued best to you both.

Our virtual shoulders are still right here. Keep leaning, fellas!

((hugs))

Aries wrote:

Our virtual shoulders are still right here. Keep leaning, fellas!

((hugs))

+a bunch. I'm sorry as hell that this isn't a simple "take 2 and call me in the morning". We're still pulling for you both; things will turn out right, I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

Chumpy_McChump wrote:
Aries wrote:

Our virtual shoulders are still right here. Keep leaning, fellas!

((hugs))

+a bunch. I'm sorry as hell that this isn't a simple "take 2 and call me in the morning". We're still pulling for you both; things will turn out right, I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

Also this.

And Rubb, no worries, man. I totally get where you are coming from there. Sometimes things are just the worst, and I can only say I am glad that we didn't hear about your feelings on the matter via the nightly news. I can't imagine not snapping in that scenario if I didn't have someone to talk it out with or some video games like Saint's Row where I couldn't be uncivilized for a while before deeming myself fit for human interaction again. Just remember, we are all here for you guys and are pulling for you and will do whatever we can to help. As my wife refers to me as her bear due to my general hairiness, I offer you both big *bear hugs*. Gentke ones for PR until he is ok for the real ones.

Oh, guys, I'm so, so sorry. How incredibly frustrating it must be to have no definitive answers, and still be dealing with all of this. I'm so glad that you have each other, and a safe place here to vent. We're not going to judge you for struggling - we just wish we could make it better.

Much love and huge hugs to both of you!

Day One of the new meds has been an interesting one. I got rid of a lot of side effects with the meds from ER and now have a whole new series to deal with.

One of the meds has given me horrible dry mouth to the point where I feel like it is lined with cotton. And focusing on things seems to be quite the task. The upside is that the need to walk with the cane is gone (at least for now) as the other medication was really making my sense of balance very wonky. And, with all pain and/or neurological medicines, drowsiness creeps up at various times.

One of the other scripts I was given is some mega medicine that I am to take in an emergency such as what happened that landed me at Barrows ER to begin with. The whole thing surrounding it is interesting. My insurance required a preauthorization for it and the generic tabs were pretty pricey. Also, I was only allowed to get six pills at a time and have to get another authorization for a refill. What concerns me most about this medication, however, is the big warning that if you take it, you have to avoid heat and sunlight for a while. Phoenix. August. Today's high: 113 F. Oh, this ought to be fun.

Rubb Ed has been fantastic in taking care of me and making sure I take my meds and am drinking plenty of water. And, of course, he is excellent eye candy which all the medical journals say is good for neurological disorders.

It was a small gesture of thanks, but I did take him up to a nice cigar store in North Scottsdale (they were having a Gran Habano cigar event) and let him wander the humidor and pick out a few treats for himself.

I am trying to keep some normality here, but it is really hard not to obsess on the fact that we are 2-3 months out from really knowing anything more.

That's more painful than the continuous headaches and the stabbing pains in the forehead.

(And, of course, thank you all for letting both me and Rubb Ed vent here. It really does help.)

Phoenix. August. Today's high: 113 F.

But it's a dry heat, right?

Hugs guys!

Stele wrote:
Phoenix. August. Today's high: 113 F.

But it's a dry heat, right? :D

I wish. Right now, Rubb and I are sitting on the patio of the Bunkhouse, a local gay bar, enjoying a drink, and it is raining, so the humidity and heat are a tad uncomfortable. But, it's nice being out and about.

P.S. Rubb is sexy as hell smoking a cigar. /wriggles eyebrows.

Rubb Ed/PR,

I've been away for the weekend, but was just catching up. Not knowing truly is the worst as you can't start moving forward yet.

Stay strong. You have each other so the struggle can be shared. You have a deep, committed love that you can draw strength from. And you have a host of supporters offering prayers, karma, and apparently stickers.

It was a small gesture of thanks, but I did take him up to a nice cigar store in North Scottsdale (they were having a Gran Habano cigar event) and let him wander the humidor and pick out a few treats for himself.

Best husband ever. Reminds me of when I was having an absolute sh*t week, and Arkham City had just been released (the ads were all over the internet and TV) and I came home to find it sitting on the table with a note from my wife to have some fun while she was at her D&D night.

You picked a winner there, Demo.

Rubb Ed and PR I hope you had plenty of time in the same zip code and I hope you're able to have a bunch more soon. You're in my thoughts and I'm hoping for the best for you guys.

Thanks, Dr.

Rubb Ed left this morning and is safely back in SoCal. It was an exceptionally emotional weekend capped by a very emotional parting. My home just feels so ... empty.

I did return to work today and everyone has been checking in on me and making sure I take my breaks and do overwork myself (which is easy to do where I work). While I was having lunch at the deli in our building where I work, the head of our HR department spotted me and checked in on me and brightened my day saying, "I look at you and Dave and realize that even though I am divorced, there is still a strong probability that I will find a loving relationship like the two of you have."

And, because I have to needle him some, while he was here, Rubb Ed made me work on his car (AC needed fixing), buy him cigars, and do his laundry.

He's a beast.

You picked a winner there, Demo.

I certainly have no complaints.

Glad to hear you have a supportive work environment, PR. My office has done some similar stuff form employees too. Stroke and heart attack and a tubal pregnancy and a terminal father where employee was basically given a work laptop and told just to do simple work while his father was out and they would make sure he got the 40 hour paycheck. There are some things I certainly don't love about my office... but stuff like that can make a world of difference.

Demosthenes wrote:

Glad to hear you have a supportive work environment, PR. My office has done some similar stuff form employees too. Stroke and heart attack and a tubal pregnancy and a terminal father where employee was basically given a work laptop and told just to do simple work while his father was out and they would make sure he got the 40 hour paycheck. There are some things I certainly don't love about my office... but stuff like that can make a world of difference.

Indeed. I also signed the paperwork today for donated leave if I am out for an extended period of time and use up my sick time. People can donate theirs and it is factored out dollar for dollar, so if the CEO donates, say, one hour of leave, that probably translates into quite a few hours for me. That way I still get a paycheck and such. HR is also meandering through the FMLA rules and my short-term disability policy to see what benefits I can use there to keep everything going.

It is comforting to say the least.