Parenting Catch-all

Top_Shelf wrote:

Putting g a different spin on JR's issue:

Our 5yo is having a heck of a time listening/cooperating at pre-K, specifically listening to teachers and showing respect (he just ignores them and gets on the bottom of the daily behavior pyramid).

He is not like this at T-ball, Tae Kwon Do, swimming lessons. And this is not how he's been at school in the past (always the sweetest kid, very considerate and deferential to authority figures). He will try to push it at home but responds well to our interventions and does better. Example: Memorial day weekend, Friday was awful (no listening, disrespectful to DW). We talked, and rest of weekend went awesome (to include him asking/pointing out how he was listening/cooperating).

We have taken toys, other privileges in response to specific instances (Tball game, stories, etc) and would rank our home as bring pretty good in setting out appropriate boundaries (no screens, no sweets, consistent boundaries, healthy structure).

We think he's got too many activities (our fault) and will be actively cutting back extra curricular activities over the summer in prep for Kindergarten.

Thoughts?

Definitely could be too much stuff. Or atleast having that many activities means too little routine from kiddo's point of view.
Also there's always the growth spurt excuse. Whenever my kids seem to be hitting a spurt, they tend to need more sleep and be more cranky, meaning they listen less or at least get pissed off more easily.

jrralls wrote:

Tips on getting a 7 year to calm down / stop arguing when she doesn't get her way?

1. I listen to what they're saying ONCE.
2. I tell them what I think they're telling me and see if it's right.
3. Once we both understand that I've heard what they've had to say, I make it very, very, very clear that it will not change the outcome, and that further arguing will only serve to annoy us both.
4. If they choose to annoy me for no reason whatsoever, I cannot be held responsible for a lack of ice cream in the grocery list.

UpToIsomorphism wrote:

Starting to potty train the little guy... any tips?

We really liked the book Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right.

Our son took to it well and pretty quickly was dry day and night. The hardest part is the several days of naked all day, don't leave the house. With my wife being home with him, we did the weekend then Monday and Tuesday, but by the end of Tuesday, he was pretty good about either going or giving us clear signals we could prompt with.

For night, we would wake him up before we went to bed between 11-12 (he goes down at 7). For a little while we would also wake him up around 3-4, but he almost always didn't need to go then. After a week or two, he stopped wanting to pee at 11, so we stopped waking him up and he pretty consistently made it all night.

He had a brief nighttime regression, but we went back to waking him up once a night for a week or so and he was back on track He still has the occasional accident several months later, but they're getting further and further apart.

I'm helping to take care of my grandchildren, and my Grandson has entered the "Why?" stage and has begun to question why we're taking care of him (his mother has made very poor lifestyle choices and is currently awaiting trial, and his father is really nowhere to be found). He questions everything we do for him, and my wife and I don't really have a clear explaination as to why everything is the way it is. I'm only here for them on my days off, and for maybe a hour every day to take them to family that help take care of them. I have thought about taking leave from work to help take care of them once school starts, either that or leave my current position and take a massive paycut and possibly lose our house.

Looking for help with breaking bottle habit. I have a 20 month old who sleeps great, wakes up 1 to 3 times a night every night and needs a bottle to go to back to sleep. She sleeps late, both our kids do. She goes down super easy but as she never took a pacifier she has grown to love her comfort bottle.

I tried everything under the sun the first year plus a few months to break her of the bottle habit, read every tip, trick, little known secret "They" don't want you to know. Fact of the matter my kids love milk. She is at the point where I need to do this but am out of steam, sleep deprived, and don't know what to do at this point. HELP ME!

Short answer: just say no.
But that's not helpful when in the middle of it.
Maybe get a comfort blanket or stuffed animal to work in its place?
Or here's a quick sip of water (no bottle) and then back to bed. Basically, force a new routine.

Good luck. We went through a lot of night wake ups during that time and it was not fun.

My thought would be to try replacing it with water... maybe start watering it down over a week? Cold turkey? ianad, ymmv, etc...

Like lunchbox and Wink_and_the_Gun suggest, we helped ease our girls off of the late night bottles with allowing her a little water instead. Only took a week or so of that alternative before they were willing to give up the bottle altogether.

We replaced the milk with water as well. I put my foot down a few months ago, kiddo was about 2 years 7 months at the time, and removed the bottle(sippy cup at this time) all-together. I was mentally prepared for the battle that would commence, when I said "No" to the bottle request. Instead, when I did say no, he just said "Ok" and rolled over. Drink of water before bed is still a standard though.

mikeohara -- I know I'm late to the post but I just came across this thread after awhile off the site, and gosh, I hope things are getting easier for you. It must be really difficult having to reinsert yourself into the caretaker role after your own children are grown and gone. But you're doing a truly wonderful thing in taking in your grandson and giving him some stability in his life.

He sounds like a curious and sweet boy. You know him better than I do, but I'm of the opinion that you should never lie to a kid, no matter how awkward their questions may make you feel. You can, however, always tell them, "I don't know". I do think there's value for kids in hearing grown adults say, "I don't know." They learn adults don't always have all the answers, and that there's nothing wrong or shameful about not knowing. It's also a sign that you trust him enough to be honest with him.

I don't know if that helps. But my heart goes out to you. I hope things are going better for you and your family.

mikeohara wrote:

I'm helping to take care of my grandchildren(...)I have thought about taking leave from work to help take care of them once school starts, either that or leave my current position and take a massive paycut and possibly lose our house.

Hey Mike, I don't really have anything helpful to say but I am in a similar position with work so perhaps I can lend some moral support/solidarity... My own son has needed me to take on a more significant caring role in his life over the last few years now and I'm finally coming to the conclusion that I need to either cut back to a handful of hours a week or leave paid employment completely... It tough cause it's a complete turn around in the direction I thought my life was going, plus all the practical consequences, but I guess, like yourself, I just gotta put my family first and figure out the rest after... Sounds like your grandchildren are lucky to have such great grandparents though!

My wife plans to take my two daughters, 6 and 2, with her to her dad's lake house in the Adirondacks for the weekend, giving me approximately 36 hours of total freedom for the first time since kid #2's birth. Naturally this means that the 6 year old woke up this morning with a temperature of 100.3 and a sore throat. Argh! Keep all of my fingers crossed for the next 24 hours to see whether she'll be feeling well enough and get doctor approval to go.

mrlogical wrote:

Naturally this means that the 6 year old woke up this morning with a temperature of 100.3 and a sore throat. Argh!

That sounds about right. I'll keep my fingers crossed too...for your daughter's sake, of course.

Of course, my only concern is my daughter's health! The fact that, if she remains healthy, I will be able to go to the movies by myself during the middle of the day, play video games for as long as I want, sleep through the night without being woken up to check for vampires, and might actually manage to clean up our mess of a house is merely a minor side benefit

My daughter starts Preschool next week. Both of our parents have taken her for a day before but we've never left her with anyone else. I'm not worried about her behavior it's just going to be hard to get used to, it's like she has her own life all of a sudden.

mrlogical wrote:

Of course, my only concern is my daughter's health! The fact that, if she remains healthy, I will be able to go to the movies by myself during the middle of the day, play video games for as long as I want, sleep through the night without being woken up to check for vampires, and might actually manage to clean up our mess of a house is merely a minor side benefit :)

That sounds far too good... I don't think my mind would be able to process that level of freedom at this stage. I'd still check for Vampires if I were you, just to be safe.

mrwynd wrote:

My daughter starts Preschool next week. Both of our parents have taken her for a day before but we've never left her with anyone else. I'm not worried about her behavior it's just going to be hard to get used to, it's like she has her own life all of a sudden.

Our eldest is starting next month. It's a big adjustment.

mrwynd wrote:

My daughter starts Preschool next week. Both of our parents have taken her for a day before but we've never left her with anyone else. I'm not worried about her behavior it's just going to be hard to get used to, it's like she has her own life all of a sudden.

I'm feeling that way about my daughter going to kindergarten. She's got these hours every day that I can't account for and have no idea what's happening unless she or the teacher tells me about something.

On a good note, whoever suggested coming out of your room tickets for bed time is a genius. We held off on it for a while, but started it a few weeks ago. I gave the tickets the alternative use of playing on a device for 15 minutes per coupon the following day. She values that far more than leaving her room, so we've been a few weeks of bed time being basically bed time. She has taken to screaming loudly to get us to come to her, but one thing at a time and at least she's staying in her room.

I'm kind of in the middle of mixed bag of an afternoon. Since I've been out of work for a few months and become the stay-at-home dad (Tristan is 6, Sabastian is about to turn 8 in a week), I try to get my kids out of the house doing something fun about 3-4 times a week. And since we live literally across the street from the beach, well, we go out there quite a bit.

I took them out today because it was pretty, warm, and the humidity wasn't god-awful like the last couple days. On days I don't feel like getting in the water I've got myself a seat and an umbrella, so I can sit and read while they wear themselves out play. It was mostly going fine, we lost a floaty and I couldn't get it in time so that got pulled out to sea, but it only cost a couple dollars so I don't care. They lost two last week, neither were expensive. I probably won't buy more for a while, they can just be in the water without them since I can't trust them to hold on to them.

However, we had a guy stop about 15 feet away from us and tell us there was a jellyfish near the shore, and pointed to it. Obviously I pulled the kids out, and we got to see it bobbing up and down in the water. It was in rough shape, looked like something had taken several bites of it, or it had just spent a few hours being beaten into the rocks and sand on shore. Well, beach day was over at that point, so I started packing up. Next thing I know, Tristan is screaming. I turn back, he's not even really ankle deep, and the jellyfish has gone past by now. I can only assume that a stray tentacle that was torn off of it managed to get a glancing blow on the back of his ankle. It started turning red, and he was crying pretty hard.

I started packing up faster, and then my umbrella got pulled by the wind right into the water. With the jelly still out there, and my kid still standing there screaming/crying, I run out to get the umbrella, wade back, pack everything up, and we start heading out. And that's when I realize my phone was in my lower shorts pocket. I pulled it out while we were walking back to call my wife, because I wanted to make sure of the treatment of a sting, and it was toast. I've got it on rice, but doubt it'll matter.

On the positive side, Tristan stopped crying fairly quickly and managed to walk back to the house fine. I poured vinegar on it, and let him soak in a bubble bath. It doesn't sting anymore, and there's only a couple small bumps left (kind of looks like poison ivy). He's a tough kid... with him being autistic, it's rare that he cries out of pain. It's one of the hardest things we've had to deal with, he'll get hurt and not tell anyone about it, so when he's screaming in pain I know it f*cking hurts.

There's a military pool we can go for free, I think we're going to start going there for a while.

PurEvil wrote:

I'm kind of in the middle of mixed bag of an afternoon.

That's an understatement! That sounds so stressful, I hope everyone's feeling OK after it today. You must have gotten such a shock.

Does anybody have any suggestions for potty training?

My oldest boy is 3 1/2, we tried last year with no real success, and postponed it for whatever reason. In December we had a home invasion, nobody was hurt, but the renovations in the aftermath were disruptive, and we decided to move, which caused another disruption.

So now we are all settled in to the new house. He said it hurt to sit on the potty, so we bought a new one in a different style. The first one was sort of like an armchair, and he was kinds of squeezed in. He’s tall for his age, and even when he was one people thought he was a year or two older than he is.

He’s decided it’s easier to just go in his diaper, so he’ll sit on the potty for a couple hours and a trickle of pee will come out. He then gets up and puts on his “underwear” (pull-up diaper) and five minutes later it’s full of pee. He knows when he’s having a poop because he always runs away and hides behind the curtains or in the other room.

We’ve tried rewards and bribery, but neither have been effective. We’re not sure what to do other than to just be persistent and hope he finally gets it. But he’s consciously making an effort to not use the potty in order to go in his diaper.

Our friends had success just setting aside a weekend where you just hang out as a family and you're done with diapers if it is possible. Sure you might have an accident or 2 but by day 2 or 4 they get it. Worked with my first daughter and about to do it again. If you have a long weekend early September like I do I'd suggest giving it a try then.

I’m currently on vacation. We’re not going anywhere, but we have a bunch of day trips and activities planned. The youngest boy (17mos) and I are both sick so we cancelled today’s plans and turned it into a recovery day.

At least we have hardwood and tile which will be easier to clean up accidents on than carpeting.

I’d let him run around in the backyard free range with no diaper but it’s a new house and there are no fences yet.

He was just outside in the hot tub with my wife. She came in for a shower and he stayed outside to play for 10 or 15 minutes. When he came in he had had a poo in his swim diaper. It’s getting frustrating to keep telling him to let us know when he’s had a poop. We’ve made some progress in that if we ask him, he’ll say yes if he’s had a poop, but that’s not a whole lot of progress.

Yeah, the final nuclear option is a weekend at home with no pants and never offer a diaper again. It's gonna suck for a few days but I've heard it works from two other parents.

mrwynd wrote:

Yeah, the final nuclear option is a weekend at home with no pants and never offer a diaper again. It's gonna suck for a few days but I've heard it works from two other parents.

Make that three. Our eldest was halfway there, with several relapses, but once we took away the diaper she made the switch.

LeapingGnome wrote:

I recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/15...

Seconded. We had great success with our little guy. We started mid March. We've only done diapers for plane rides and swimming, but he hasn't worn a diaper for either in quite a while. We even made a 6+ hour drive with no accidents, though 4 or 5 stops.

When does teething usually finish up completely? Our eldest is 3yrs 3mnths and we still think he suffers with it sometimes.

Putting it another way; all three of our children are teething, when will this end??

Sorry. Going through teething on one right now and that is bad enough. 20 months. Almost 2.

For potty training if you experience regression or issues staying dry we bad great luck after months of problems with our 4/5 year old having a slice of peanut butter toast before bed. It's a night and day difference.

I think teething is usually done by 2.5 years I think with the two year molars, ours was about 22 months. Steve - have you counted their teeth? Easy way to tell if they've gotten them all in.

I woke up at about 5 am this morning to my daughter screaming her head off. It turns out she wet the bed after two successful nights without a diaper. Now I'm not sure if we want to go back to a diaper at bed time or not. Before this she hasn't wet her night time diaper in almost a month so we figured it was time.