Parenting Catch-all

Zoso1701 wrote:

MrWynd, congratulations! I'm sure if your prenatal care indicates healthy, your little one will be just fine!

It's hard not to worry through your first. Lord, do I know. Second time around, meh! No worries at all - then, we've had no cause for concern.

Do your best not to stress. Stress can cause problems for your wife and your baby. Take it visit to visit and trust that all will be well. Good luck and again, congratulations!

Thank you We've been trying for almost four years so I'm very excited it's finally happening.

mrwynd wrote:
Zoso1701 wrote:

MrWynd, congratulations! I'm sure if your prenatal care indicates healthy, your little one will be just fine!

It's hard not to worry through your first. Lord, do I know. Second time around, meh! No worries at all - then, we've had no cause for concern.

Do your best not to stress. Stress can cause problems for your wife and your baby. Take it visit to visit and trust that all will be well. Good luck and again, congratulations!

Thank you We've been trying for almost four years so I'm very excited it's finally happening.

I'm sure you've shared your medical history with the ob. It's amazing what they can check and be prepared for now.

Try not to stress (hah) but the important thing is prep yourself and support your wife. The whole experience is nuts, but you'll get through it.

mrwynd wrote:
Zoso1701 wrote:

MrWynd, congratulations! I'm sure if your prenatal care indicates healthy, your little one will be just fine!

It's hard not to worry through your first. Lord, do I know. Second time around, meh! No worries at all - then, we've had no cause for concern.

Do your best not to stress. Stress can cause problems for your wife and your baby. Take it visit to visit and trust that all will be well. Good luck and again, congratulations!

Thank you We've been trying for almost four years so I'm very excited it's finally happening.

I am really happy for you!

So, I had a strange parent encounter when taking my son out to the playground today. We are lucky enough to be surrounded by parks where I live, and I took my son to one of them just to get out of the house to give my wife some much needed time off. Now, I'll fully admit that the playground in question was perhaps a bit more...advanced?...for my son. He's only 15 months, and a lot of the playground equipment was geared more towards older children. However, we've usually been pretty good about just letting him explore and discover the world on his own since he seems really interested in figuring out what's going on.

The weird thing is that I encountered a few parents that passive aggressively suggested that my son shouldn't be allowed in the playground due to the apparently super dangerous equipment that he was playing on. Has anyone else encountered this type of situation? If so, how did you deal with it? I think I may have been a bit too overly aggressive in my response with these parents, as I felt that I had the situation under control if my son would have gotten in trouble. It just really bugged me that people feel the need to openly judge others on their parenting style. I dunno, I see it as an insecurity on their part where they see another parent not hovering over a child and feel the need to call them out on it?

I dunno--it just seems weird to me since my son was laughing and having a good time without being in any real danger, so I was just taken aback by the whole thing.

If you're fine with it, and your kid isn't endangering anyone else's kids, then as a parent I'd say just shoot those other parents a dirty look.

I agree with Gravey. I'm sure you have enough issues without inadvertently taking on those of the judgy, panicking helicopter parents.

People always feel they have a right to interfere and judge other people's parenting skills - because, you know, it's for the good of the child. We've had people commenting and criticizing us for months now: we're too lenient, we're not involved enough with our child's education, etc.
Turns out our eldest isn't your "standard" child which explains a lot.

So eff them. Eff other people who think they know best. You're the parent. You know your child and what he can or can't handle.

Just a guess, but I'm pretty sure a mother would have been criticised less, dads are all drooling morons of course.

MrDeVil909 wrote:

Just a guess, but I'm pretty sure a mother would have been criticised less, dads are all drooling morons of course.

I get this *much* more in Greece, where I've been given the compliment, "You're such a great helper for your wife!" (This, when I was mostly the one at home with our infant daughter). I've had an f'ing flock of grandmothers accost me when I took our daughter at age 4 months for a stroll with only one little blanket on her in March. Did not help that I didn't speak Greek back then.

+1 for gravey's point and Eleima's sentiment. If *their* kid is endangering mine, they will hear about it. If mine is not endangering theirs...eff them.

Unfortunately I mostly see extremes here in parks/playgrounds. The parent smoking and drinking coffee, enjoying a chat with another parent doing same, whose kids are happily knocking other kids off of equipment. Or the MY CHiLD NeEDS MoRE PhobIAs!! parent, some extreme form of what I imagine you mean by helicopter parent. I'm certainly hovering near my kids...but only in case I need to knock one of the former kids off the equipment, before they hit mine :). (Native speaker English startles and scares the crap out of kids so...really I just have to be loud and American, which...wait, I already am.)

EFF those helicopter parents. Read a great article on psychology today a while ago explaining how helicopter parenting holds kids back and they're more likely to get hurt when they are exposed to potentially dangerous situations. By letting kids stretch themselves they become more confident and have a greater understanding of their bodies and their limitations. wish I could find the article, but couldn't when I just tried to search for it.

MrDeVil909 wrote:

Just a guess, but I'm pretty sure a mother would have been criticised less, dads are all drooling morons of course.

Don't be so sure. Mothers are also criticized quite a bit because they're *moms* and are supposed to have some sort of magical all knowing aura. Which we don't. We're fumbling and improvising as we go, just like any parent.
If anything, dads get praised because they're traditionally expected to be clueless (disclaimer: those are views I don't subscribe to).
If anything, and this might be a but P&C, it's the direct result of a patriarchy which traditionally leaves child rearing to women and expects them to be pros at it.

Eleima wrote:
MrDeVil909 wrote:

Just a guess, but I'm pretty sure a mother would have been criticised less, dads are all drooling morons of course.

Don't be so sure. Mothers are also criticized quite a bit because they're *moms* and are supposed to have some sort of magical all knowing aura. Which we don't. We're fumbling and improvising as we go, just like any parent.
If anything, dads get praised because they're traditionally expected to be clueless (disclaimer: those are views I don't subscribe to).
If anything, and this might be a but P&C, it's the direct result of a patriarchy which traditionally leaves child rearing to women and expects them to be pros at it.

You may be right, it would actually be interesting to see if there have been any studies. And I definitely agree with the last part.

I say, punch them all in the dick, or equivalent. /bulletstorm

Prozac wrote:

EFF those helicopter parents. Read a great article on psychology today a while ago explaining how helicopter parenting holds kids back and they're more likely to get hurt when they are exposed to potentially dangerous situations. By letting kids stretch themselves they become more confident and have a greater understanding of their bodies and their limitations. wish I could find the article, but couldn't when I just tried to search for it. :(

I generally believe that you should try push your child, without being dumb. Aria is 13 weeks today and has been able to hold her head unsupported for at least 4 weeks, maybe more, time gets away from me, and she has full neck control. She could hold her head up from about 3/4 weeks, but it would suddenly droop so we would be quick to support it. But it has always been her favourite way to be held because she likes to see what's going on. She looks steadier and stronger than other 5 month old babies I see. And bigger, gods below she's a giant kid.

African babies do not get babied so mine isn't getting the Western treatment.

Planning on starting sign language training this week. I'm excited to see how it goes, she tries very hard to communicate, we always have long chats when I get home from work.

I don't know if Signing Time and Baby Signing Time are available in S.A., but my kids love them, and I think the music is nice (making it easier on the adults when it's on). My kids didn't start signing back until 8-9 months at the youngest, BTW.

Way upthread there were some posts about teaching math via TV and apps. Peg+Cat is one to add to the list. Right now it's my son's favorite, and he is all about numbers. It's also pretty cute.

ETA: there are 3 articles in the latest Economist about parenting, including helicopter parenting. It's a parenting free-for-all!

Gravey wrote:

If you're fine with it, and your kid isn't endangering anyone else's kids, then as a parent I'd say just shoot those other parents a dirty look.

This way is quicker, and others tend to not be as quick to offer their input next time...

Spoiler:

Don't shoot people, it's bad.

concentric wrote:

I don't know if Signing Time and Baby Signing Time are available in S.A., but my kids love them, and I think the music is nice (making it easier on the adults when it's on). My kids didn't start signing back until 8-9 months at the youngest, BTW.

Not all English-based sign languages are the same. ASL is different from its South African counterpart.

Also, I'm sorry I forgot to explain to the non-US parents what "helicopter parenting" is. It's over-coddling. "Hovering" around a toddler at the playground to make sure she doesn't get hurt doesn't count. "Hovering" around your sixth-grader, however...

Oh yeah, kinda forgot that about sign language...

Pinching phase. We are in a pinching phase. And it hurts!

Zoso1701 wrote:

Pinching phase. We are in a pinching phase. And it hurts!

Ugh, so painful.

sometimesdee wrote:
concentric wrote:

I don't know if Signing Time and Baby Signing Time are available in S.A., but my kids love them, and I think the music is nice (making it easier on the adults when it's on). My kids didn't start signing back until 8-9 months at the youngest, BTW.

Not all English-based sign languages are the same. ASL is different from its South African counterpart.

Also, I'm sorry I forgot to explain to the non-US parents what "helicopter parenting" is. It's over-coddling. "Hovering" around a toddler at the playground to make sure she doesn't get hurt doesn't count. "Hovering" around your sixth-grader, however...

Ah thanks for 6th clarification, actually. I always wondered what the cut off was for being a helicopter parent. I sometimes wonder if a I'm falling into that when I'm following BabyDomano around the playground. I mean, I want the kid to do his own thing, but he also seems to always want to fall off whatever he's playing in. Basically he he can climb up steps just fine, but that whole going down usually involves him just taking a step and falling instead of trying to climb down.

As the parent of a 3 month old...

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/9avpk7f.png)

Seriously, sometimes I turn it off just so she looks away...

Heh, I remember those days well...

This is something I wasn't prepared for. Every time I'm holding or nursing #2 and raise my voice because #1 is yet again climbing on the counter top or emptying the pasta in a pan or whatever, #2 kinda stops and looks at me all hurt and surprised.
Didn't explaining who is being reprimanded would be an issue. #UnexpectedParentingChallenges

What do you generally do about bickering, sulking, and a general disinclination to behave pleasantly to the people around you? (Why yes, I do have a teenager, why do you ask?)

Katy wrote:

What do you generally do about bickering, sulking, and a general disinclination to behave pleasantly to the people around you? (Why yes, I do have a teenager, why do you ask?)

My eldest, 6.5, tried this on us the other day. She was not impressed when I mirrored her behaviour, and general demeanor.

"Daddy, why are you being so horrible to me?"

"Figured you might want to see what it felt like to be on the receiving end for a change."

I got a cuddle, and an apology, but I'm not holding out for that to work in another 6 years time.

Katy wrote:

What do you generally do about bickering, sulking, and a general disinclination to behave pleasantly to the people around you? (Why yes, I do have a teenager, why do you ask?)

I think John Hughes movies are the perfect antidote to teen angst, personally

Katy wrote:

What do you generally do about bickering, sulking, and a general disinclination to behave pleasantly to the people around you? (Why yes, I do have a teenager, why do you ask?)

Once a person is 13 years old, I try to transition to an adult relationship ASAP. So if you're an adult and you're unpleasant to me, I'm no longer gonna let it slide, father or no father. If you sulk, I'll pointedly ignore you. I won't engage in bickering, and I won't tolerate it in tenants. You want to bicker, pay me a large rent or otherwise subsidize my life. If you're paying me half a six-figure monthly income, you can bicker in my house. I'll even bicker with you on command.

You don't have to behave pleasantly to me or to anyone else. You're an adult now, so you can wreck whichever relationships and burn whatever bridges you choose. For the sake of old times, I may point out that this really isn't good for you, but whatever. Alienate whoever you want.

Teenagers are supposed to know how to laundry, cook, balance their finances, and look for solutions to their own problems, especially getting up in the morning. All of those things are no longer part of my services to you as parent. They are now favors. If you want me to continue to do favors for you, you had better well be on my good side. Cooking a well-made dinner for the family from time to time can score points for you. Maybe bake us a pie from time to time. Do a load of laundry.

Don't expect people to cook for you when you don't cook anything yourself and you're always complaining about the food. At some point, I will take it personally and then you can go cook your own meals.

So whoever mentioned "Team Umizoomi" upthread, it's been pretty solid for our three year old. The math and pattern topics are much more in line with her abilities than Dora's more basic counting and whatnot, which she'd pretty clearly outgrown. She understands a good chunk of the number exercises but not all of them, which by my reckoning is pretty much the sweet spot.

I do miss the Spanish lessons from Dora, but that never seemed to be the focus of the show and just background. I don't know whether there's a better Spanish education show to fill in going forward.

Going to for spelling and reading stuff next... somebody said Super Why? Maybe I'll look that one up.

So, potty training. Our daughter is about 22 months and we've started to introduce her to potty training concepts (showing her the potty, letting her sit on it, praising her for sitting on it, etc.). We've even taken it so far as to use some training pants on her, unfortunately with little to no success. Obviously all kids are different but at what age did you all start potty training in earnest? Also, if you have any links or articles about that subject (I don't know if I'll have time to read books on the subject) please share. Thanks!

Didn't we already start this?