How to Be an All-Inclusive Gender Thread

Hypatian wrote:

Of course, the subtext of the first question is what got me started thinking along these lines tonight. I've been thinking a lot about HRT, and a lot about the road ahead. So, it's rather natural to ask "when will I be done? Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be?"

Just wanted to chime in to note that those questions you're asking yourself are questions we should all be asking ourselves regularly, trans or no.

Questionable Content is pretty good. Also, kind of huge. I think I'm about halfway from the start to current now, after I started reading a couple of days back. O_O

I had to post a link to this: How my Korean mother gave me the courage to transition.

What a wonderful story. All parents should be so accepting and loving toward their children.

Mimble wrote:

I had to post a link to this: How my Korean mother gave me the courage to transition.

What a wonderful story. All parents should be so accepting and loving toward their children.

That was beautiful.

I saw that a while ago. Definitely a very very sweet story.

Updates: Nothing much, really. I kind of feel like I'm in the calm before the storm now. In a little less than a month, I'll be seeing my family for the first time since coming out to them (sans dad). In a little longer than that, I'll be coming out to my dad, which will be a bit of an adventure. This week I'm going to finally get to talk to my therapist about hormones, and see if he can help me figure out what I need to do to find a good doctor and get started on them. I'm hoping to start hormones as soon after the new year as I can. And then I need to really start thinking about how to handle work. I think I'll have some months before that becomes a priority, though.

I haven't been dressing up and going out much lately. Part of that is because I was sick for a while and just felt crappy. But some of it, I think, is also just feeling more comfortable with my situation and my feelings about myself. I have been wearing women's jeans pretty exclusively, and a little jewelry sometimes, and my women's coat. I have a neutral colored scarf with a flower motif on it which I've been wearing. I think I might start wearing that coat to work soon. None of those things are super-obvious, just more androgynous. Just a bit closer to the essential me. More how I would choose to present myself and less hiding it away. Like I said... comfortable.

I had a weird dream the other night. I've been growing my hair out a bit, to try to get enough to remind myself what my natural hair color is. (It's... been a while since I went long enough without shaving my head to not have my scalp show through.) Anyway, I was sort of half-awake and half-dreaming and thinking about shaving my head... and when I did, I saw myself in the mirror shaving off a full head of shoulder-length hair. And then I woke up, and thought about that for a while. One of those moments where "This is how I see myself, inside. It doesn't match my outside, but it's me. It's so very much me."

Anyway... I'm rather glad to have a bit of a quiet time going on right now. I think things are going to get kind of crazy next month, so it's good to have a chance to build up my reserves of calm, happy feelings.

Howdy Yall! Im Ryoko which Im sure makes "Zero" sense as to why im country as !@#$ and have a japanese first name. Simple answer no sense is made and wont be made I just like the first name hahaha. Soooo why am I here, well I am a student of Toddland's and was told that this is a safe and fun place to find friends and community. I'm also trans goooooo figure. Im also a gamer and an artist....poor, struggling artist... Sooo how are yall and its nice to meet yall.

Heya! Nice to meet you. Hope you enjoy the site--we have our rough edges sometimes but, as you have probably seen, people here are all around pretty awesome.

Welcome Ryoko!
I'm so envious of the fact that you're going to school to make games, and also of your cute haircut.

Welcome Ryoko! You are in good company around here.

thanks yall. i need to find out whats neat going around here. still new

Talked to my therapist tonight about hormones. He pointed me to the same doctor that I've come across in two other places already, which is great. Now to get up the gumption to arrange an appointment. I'm going to try to call before my holiday family trip to arrange an appointment after I get back. Major stomach butterflies. I'm super excited, but it's such a big [em]big[/em] thing.

get ready for a ride let me say that.

RyokoKleiger wrote:

thanks yall. i need to find out whats neat going around here. still new

Check out the Greatest Forum Threads link half way down the User's Guide. It can help with some of our community-centric memes and long standing jokes.
Just don't be surprised if you happen upon an image of Jeff Goldblum's nipples from time to time.

Welcome aboard!

RyokoKleiger wrote:

Sooo how are yall and its nice to meet yall.


Don't mind the weirdness.

thanks yall, so whos who, and whos transitioned or whatever the cool kids are calling it now lol

No transition here, I'm just part of the fan club! Nice to meetcha.

Double post for extra fangirlness.

fan club?

Hmm. Well, ClockworkHouse and I are the trans folk out here, at the moment. Originally we talked about a lot of stuff over in the wonderful coming out thread, but it got to be kind of cluttering things up, so we started a thread just for this. Still, it's worth reading over that thread for great goodness.

For myself, well, I've known I was trans since I was in my teens (back in the early 90s... >_>), but kind of went into a suppression mode of "Well, can't do anything about it" for years and years. A few months ago, I realized just how much it was hurting my life and decided that I really need to embrace being trans--that ignoring the feelings, even if I accept that I have them, was just all around bad--and after a bit of thought decided that transition is what I have to do. I'm in a good situation for it, aside from being in my late 30s and having lost my hair. So, anyway, I started getting my life together once I started looking at it--including going on a diet for the first time in my life, which is going well--and now I've been doing electrolysis for a couple of months, been seeing a therapist, and like I mentioned up above I'm looking towards going on hormones in a month and change.

I'm out to a couple of good friends at work, and to all the wonderful folks here, to a few other friends, and to my mom and my sister and brother-in-law. One of my friends I came out to, I knew was trans, and she was like "Wait, what?" when I told her. Another friend who I hadn't seen in quite a while, I had no idea she was trans... That was kind of a "whoa, really!?!" moment on my part.

My family is kind of in shades of "concerned-but-supportive" to "concerned-and-accepting-but-not-supportive" (although my brother-in-law, who I was totally worried about, has been awesome.) I'm hoping that being able to talk to them over the holidays will help with that. I'm on the other side of the country, and phones and email and stuff just don't cut it sometimes. I'll be coming out to my dad a bit after Christmas, which is the biggest scary thing in my life right now. He doesn't [em]mean[/em] to be a jerk, but that doesn't slow him down any. Still, I owe it to him to give him the chance to surprise me. And, it will be a relief to have that done with, no matter how things go.

I've also met some trans people in the area. The local support group is... not really my cup of tea--most of the members are older male-identifying cross-dressers, so the things they're concerned with are not really the things I'm concerned with. Still, I've met some good people there and have occasionally gone out dressed with them to some local trans-friendly places. I've kind of drifted out of that, now that I've really convinced myself that I'm not a lost cause. I'm more interested in shifting my everyday presentation towards something more androgynous, and less interested in really going all out just to prove something to myself. Now that I can see where I'm going, I'm very happy just to be moving towards where I want to be.

Oh, and I guess the other stressful thing (although less stressful than my dad) is figuring out what I want to do at work. I work at part of a university with trans-friendly policies, which is really good. Still, I know a couple of specific co-workers will probably be less than tolerant. Most of the people I work closely with I think will be fine, and many others who I have less direct contact with I just don't know. I figure I'll probably approach HR a while after starting hormones to talk about things, and then talk to my boss. I'd kind of like to be as open as possible about my transition, to have it be a gradual thing rather than trying to hide what's changing and then suddenly going full-time and wearing a wig and having people learn then. (Because [em]that[/em] will be a pretty obvious major change.) I figure that since I'm in a position that's about as safe as it can be, I should be as public about things as I am comfortable with. There are a lot of people in less nice situations, so I think somebody where I am ought to be willing to be a [em]little[/em] uncomfortable in order to help increase awareness. And, on top of that, I really really hate keeping secrets from people. Still, that's a scary sort of thing, and I have no intention of making a martyr of myself. Just have to see how things go.

So, that's my recent life and situation in a nutshell. I'll let Clocky speak for her own situation, if she wants, or you could find the rather extensive chunks of the other thread I mentioned where we're talking about things.

I can say Ive been on Estro since march 2012 so around nine months. and all through it I've gotten laser hair removal and electrolysis with varying degrees of success. we will see in 3 more months. Therapy for trans folks seems to be a joke but i may find myself in one very soon. Support groups are really not my cup of metaphorical tea. honestly I've noticed a lot of 45 to 55 somethings decide over the hill its a good idea to transition. I find that they encompass the groups and spread a weird air around the trans community. There seems to be this consensus in the medical and therapeutic community that once you admit to being trans or starting transition you should become as feminine as possible and completely make yourself ridiculous , theoretically making an even more fake persona than the one we use to get by in the male side of the world. Ive turned down so many groups for that reason( I think it should be noted because the clinic I frequent is full of those people. be it that they might be in it for the right reasons. Im a 24 woman who honestly cant even begin to think about how they think and probably wouldn't be able to relate or compute the topics.)

It seems from what I've heard that the quality of therapists varies pretty wildly. And, of course, it also depends what you bring and what you hope to get out of it. I've always been pretty introspective, so for me it's mostly a matter of having someone to bounce my thoughts off of. And, I think I've been lucky that my therapist is really good. He's definitely brought things up that I've had to think about that hadn't occurred to me on my own. And really, that's what I was looking for.

I see a lot of people show up on the various trans areas on reddit who seem a lot more conflicted, trying to figure out what they're feeling. But for me, it's really all about the practical issues. Those can get complicated, sometimes, sorting out the worries from the hopes from the likelihoods.

That's more or less why the support group, too. I wanted to talk to local people to find out about local resources, more than anything. A friend told me "the thing to remember about support groups is, everyone there is crazy" including yourself, of course. When you have things sorted, you just get on with life. So, the people who stick around a long time... Yeah.

The ultra-femme thing is euggh. Like I've said in these threads: "I don't want to play dress-up, I just want to be me". Going out dressed up a few times was valuable to me--but really that's all down to the deep-seated fear that was holding me back, that I was starting from a place too masculine to ever be anything except a freak in the eyes of the world. I started losing my hair when I was 17, so that whole area was just a big mess for me, and it still gets to me. Being able to look at myself and see the possibility of just a normal woman... that helped me immensely. I'm not going to look like some lady Sasquatch, and that's what I always irrationally feared.

The people I mentioned from the support group definitely go... more extreme. I'm not a big fan, mainly because I find the over-the-top stereotypes on display to be rather distasteful. I try to be accepting of it, because I know it's a different kind of thing for them. I think some go over the top because dressing up for things like these meetings is the only outlet they allow themselves. But like I said--not my thing.

As for the stereotypes in the medical community--I think that's changing a lot. But, there are decades of baggage out there, and the info that the professionals who are not specialists get ahold of contains a lot of those old misconceptions. Just have to hope that better information replaces the bad over time. I think that some of the "gatekeeping" worry that shows up in the trans community helps perpetuate that, too. People act the way they think they're expected to act based on lingering horror stories, which reinforces the misconceptions in the very people we would like to become better informed, which leads to occasional new horror stories.

And some of that is why I said I want to be open about my transition at work from pretty early. The best way to educate people is to show them. To let them see that all along the way, I'm just being me. And that's also why I do plan to keep going to at least some of the support group meetings--to be a person who shows up in jeans instead of trying to look like some sort of fetish version of June Cleaver. T_T

(Sometimes it is hard not to judge. *sigh*)

Ahh, well.

lol june cleaver

RyokoKleiger wrote:

lol june cleaver

The beaver cleaver doesn't come up until well into the transition process

Tanglebones wrote:
RyokoKleiger wrote:

lol june cleaver

The beaver cleaver doesn't come up until well into the transition process

Only 7 posts, and we're going to scare poor Ryoko away. It's Felicia Day all over again people!?!?

This is why we can't have nice things

m0nk3yboy wrote:
Tanglebones wrote:
RyokoKleiger wrote:

lol june cleaver

The beaver cleaver doesn't come up until well into the transition process

Only 7 posts, and we're going to scare poor Ryoko away. It's Felicia Day all over again people!?!?

This is why we can't have nice things ;)

Ha ha ha!!! Oh, geez, it's too early in the day to nearly wee my pants.

It's nice to have you on board on Ryoko. Welcome! I'm not trans either, but here as part of the cheerleading squad for Hypatian and Clocky.

Oh, and to envy Hypatian her innate and great taste in clothes (still want to raid your closet!).

Ryoko is part of the reason why I'm looking at putting together a support group for our transgendered students where I work. Between her stories and the ones the other students share with me, it's abundantly clear that there is no set path for people to follow when going through this. In some instances, they get the pills thrown at them with very little upfront counseling, and then get unceremoniously shoved out the door with a "good luck, hope it works out for you". I'm working with our student affairs team and the dean (who's partner is closely tied to the legal side of the LGBT community) to get something official on campus. The other large part of my reason behind doing this is your collective posts. It occurred to me that I am in a pretty good position to help and reach out to those that may need support.

So, keep up the good work, GWJ, you're helping out in ways you are not aware of.

As an aside, our dean referred to transgender issues as the "Final Frontier" for the LGBT community, and that makes a lot of sense to me.

Oh yeah - I'm an ally cis woman, born & raised in very pro-glbtq Seattle, WA now living in Vancouver, BC.
I participate in this thread because I admire Hyp and Clocky for their wit, kindness and the things I've seen from them over the years, and I want to be a part of a word that accepts them for who they really are (Technically: Awesome) now that they've come out.

Hyp is scary smart, every time she writes a post in P&C I'm like "SWEET OH YEAH HERE WE GO" : )

Right.. ally cis male, born & raised in NYC, with two gay godfathers

Aside from bits of snark here and there, I find that I receive tremendous joy from seeing Hypatian and Clocky blossom into the people that they should be.

EDIT: Moving to Cleveland

Nothing to see here.