How to Be an All-Inclusive Gender Thread

Yup. The takeaway is that bras are evil.

Disco: I don't know any of the details of that stuff, but that MOU sounds like a good idea to make it obvious that everybody involved in the decision understands what's going on. Not because it should be necessary, but as a hedge to prevent any judge from taking it into their head that "it's in the child's best interest" to do something different, perhaps prodded along by more distant family members who've decided that "it's in the child's best interest", etc.

Because family members can get weird ideas sometimes, and sometimes judges also have weird ideas and go along with them. I'd expect the courts to eventually turn in favor of your wishes, but short-circuiting that by being really clear seems like a great way to prevent any drawn-out custody fight in the courts (which will certainly not be in anybody's best interest.)

I presume there's already at least one lawyer involved, and that they should be able to give you advice on how to put together a clear statement of your intent that the courts should respect if there's ever any question.

And to go with that, I'd think it a good idea to make sure to inform family members about the arrangement, and also probably tell other trusted friends about the arrangement—just to make sure that there's nobody who can reasonably say "we didn't know!" or "it seemed fishy!", and that there are plenty of witnesses to your intent who could report it to the courts.

I'm really impressed at the care you're taking to be sure things go the right way should the worst come to pass, although I certainly hope that neither the care you are taking to ensure your child is well cared for, nor the work you're doing to make sure that your wishes aren't contested, are ever necessary.

<3

Bras. T_T I tend to buy mine online now that I've figured out the right sizes. Although I'm working on losing weight right now so probably at some point soon I'm going to have to experiment again to figure out what the heck fits any more.

Thank you, Hyp! I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

I hope we don't die too

I HATE that this has to be a thing. I wanted to joke with our friend (after having just spent the weekend with our kid) that this was NOT getting them out of this guardianship duty of our crazy child, but then I remembered the world sucks and I need to make certain.

We actually were just going to file basic estate paperwork like a will and a written notarized document for the guardianship which is what a family friend who is a paralegal at an estate firm recommended, but based on how this goes we may have to pull a lawyer in just to be sure.

I didn't think of combining the MOU with the conversation we'll have to have with our families, but perhaps that is an opportunity. I think our parents would be the only ones to contest custody for any reason, and having them sign off both on the guardianship and acknowledgment would ensure that our parents can't just change their mind later if they had an issue they didn't voice because they thought they'd never have to see it through.

THANK YOU again!

And bras are the worst. I've given up on regular ones, but if your weight is fluctuating you can buy these little extender thingies.

Mermaidpirate wrote:

I also need to post something,
> Buys new bra
> Just the one of two different models to see how they go for a while, these things are expensive and I'm not well off
> Remembers a few weeks later to pick up more because the ones I bought have been alright
> Gets to the right rack, can't remember the right size. Do remember that the one that was one size off wasn't good.
> There was none left of the right size after I checked anyway
> Cries.

Wait 6mths+ and repeat.

If the tags are still attached, see if you can google some of the info there, perhaps an item number or style name. Seek out retailers who may also carry the brand and see if they sell online? If it's a major chain or department store, see if they have other stores that you can ask to have shipped to your store if they don't sell them online?

I'm an odd, hard to find size, so when I find a bra that fits I'm usually tired, frustrated, and slightly traumatized, I'll buy like...3 or 4. But the one and then scour the earth if I have to for the rest.

Don't wash that precious bra too often, hand rinse and lay flat to dry will extend that rare treasure you have found for a few more months at least. Bras rules are like good jeans rules, you don't have to wash them every time. Make that thing last.

I think I'm too sweaty to not smell or get a rash if I do that. Even jeans I only get two wears out of before they don't pass the sniff test.

So, things have been going much better for my kid in terms of gender identity issues in general, now that she (who has not asked for different pronouns) is telling me she identifies with gender fluid, and feels more comfortable in boy stuff some days and girl stuff some days.

Clothes shopping has been...difficult in Greece, where people would ask "what's gender neutral?!?!?" in the way my grandmother asked, "what are these vegetable people?!?!?" when asking about vegetarians. She started middle school today. In the private school where I teach, they must wear school uniforms through sixth grade. Blue for boys, red for girls. Yeah. Like that. Now she can wear anything, pretty much.

But.

The *formal* school attire for special occasions involves the same blazer/shirt for boys and girls, but skirts for girls and pants for boys. She has very much declared "no way" on the skirt. Thankfully, they didn't have to wear this outfit for the first day (the whole elementary/primary school did wear their formals today). So we have some time.

My wife and I are torn in how to be supportive. The whole "you'll always have to conform to some extent wherever you work/study" vs. "okay, if you're dying inside if you wear a skirt, I will fight the whole system and all of Greek culture for you." At the school where I work as a teacher. Where my kids get to go for free because I teach there.

She is still rocking the pixie cut. Looks amazing. Is the only girl possibly in the entire school with short hair. Two of my American friends' first day of school photos of their daughters who are the same age as mine, both had *shorter* hair. Here, they have the same haircut til maybe high school, and then it's still long, just more "mod" somehow. So she is rebelling/rocking the system, and none of her teachers seem to mind, in fact quite the opposite. Also, boys at the school have everything from shaved heads to shoulder length hair. Cause, you know...boys. Can do whatever in Greece.

She cut out pretty much all of the bullying by acquaintances by loving her hair and not giving a sh*t what anyone said. So I find that incredibly encouraging. So on to the next battle or ...wear a skirt three times per year. Keep in mind, you'd have to see how amazingly homogeneous the school is to believe it. 98% of the kids, literally, have the same religion, eye color, shades of brown hair (my daughter is blond), hair styles/lengths, vacations, traditions, holidays, food....