How to Be an All-Inclusive Gender Thread


honestly I'm not that good at the nails yet, I think the above pic was mostly a fluke

My daughters say your hair looks awesome!

cool! tell 'em thanks

Had my second run at the appointment to get the all-clear for surgery today and it all went as well as expected, so things are getting really, real on that front, finally. (I don't have an exact date but the idea - hopefully - is to have it happen during my next summer break next year, which is a bit further on in time that normal but that way I'd have time to recover, my folks will be on holiday for support purposes, and it won't interfere with my degree / honours degree).

Which is cool! ...but also terrifying.

It's not even so much the thought of surgery (which, incidentally, would be my first EVER fact, my first ever hospital stay as an in-patient EVER) as much as it is that I'll have to travel literally to the other end of the country to get it (and by country I mean UK, not just Scotland...I think the only surgeon in the country that performs the surgery operates - literally - out of Brighton).

That's...a really stressful thought, if I'm honest. I have a hard enough time being away from places I'm comfortable in for extended day-trips, let alone after invasive, painful surgery. Yeesh.

Well...a problem to worry about next year, I guess.

Progress often feels scary.

sure does!

Best wishes to you on this stage of your journey. <3

Surgery is a big thing, gosh.

From my own experience... I don't think anyone can really be prepared for how challenging the first few days of recovery will be*. It's scary, it hurts, you feel helpless. I'd say that it's highly desirable to have someone by your side to support you.

But it's also manageable, even without someone staying nearby to help with things.

And that all passes and... yeah, things are kind of incredibly different, and they keep changing. My relationship to my body is still growing and changing now ten months out, and... wow. It was absolutely worth it for me.

(* Specifically: I had had surgery before (emergency gall bladder removal), and on top of that I had been with a friend for her bottom surgery just a month before my own, and I saw everything she went through and supported her and... the experience still took me by surprise!)

This does not relate to the specific surgery you are having, but when I was in the hospital for several surgeries on my VERY broken foot I found making sure I had headphones and music on my phone to be a great way to relax.

With all the pain meds I was on, and the general exhaustion, I found reading or even staring at a screen to watch a video to be a challenge. Laying back with my eyes closed listening to music was perfect. Enough to keep my mind off of how crappy I was feeling but not too much.

Thanks Hyp!

Kamakazi, I'm not much of a music person but I think some long-running light-ish podcasts without too much investment required would probably not go amiss!

CN: Bottom surgery recovery timeline details.


Podcasts would probably be good. I was all ready to go with some videos to watch and books to read and stuff but, well, for the first few days post-surgery in the hospital I was mostly not with-it enough even for those things. (Still, it's good to be prepared!)

So, I'd say podcasts are your best bet for the first few days (and you'll sleep through a bunch.) After that, you may find that you have enough focus for reading or watching videos. I would expect to spend a lot of time prone for at least three weeks after the surgery date. (I had a pretty solid recovery and could be very active, but after a couple of hours with an upright posture, gravity-induced swelling made things awfully painful and it was time to lie back down again.)

All of this is very Your Mileage May Vary. It seems pretty individual how difficult things are during the healing process.

I also don't know what timelines are like there for where you are for how long. For me, I had 3 days in the hospital, then they removed the dressing and drain. That was followed by a week convalescing at a friend's home near the hospital, then there was a follow-up appointment at the doctor's office to remove the packing and catheter. A couple of days after that I flew back across the U.S. (which was... "fun") and recovered for another 4 weeks or so at home, at which point I very much wanted to return to work (and did), even though my stamina was a bit limited.

The hospital stay was the "can't even focus enough to watch TV" level. The stay with a friend moved into "can read and watch shows, although not for long periods of time". Once I was home, I did a lot of reading and video watching, since other activities were a bit difficult due to the pain from being up and about for too long.

So it was both harder and easier than I expected.

yeah, I'm imagining the trip back home from the hospital will be interesting experience

Otherwise, thanks for the idea of the rough timeline involved, that's helpful. And I have PLENTY of backlog movies and shows to watch on Netflix alone, so I've totally got the watching videos part covered at least!

Like most of the pains and struggles involved, at least it's a one-time thing. For me it was a ~8 hour trip including ~6 hours in the air. We took first class on the return flight, because yeaaah. I hope you will have an easier time than that. :>