Stranger in a Strange Land: Help a heathen among the believers

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So about three months ago, I started a new job. I'm a writer for a consulting company that works with non-profits to help them get tax-exempt status from the IRS. The job itself is absolutely amazing. It's rewarding, the pay is good, I'm excelling to the point that I've completed the estimated 1 year training in three months, and it's a small, close-knit company. Everyone there is really kind and helpful, and the environment is everything I've ever wanted in a job.

Except...

This company is very religious. They describe themselves as a Christian company. Their mission statement explains that they're "faith-based". The sales staff sits ten feet away, and I can hear them talk to potential clients about God wanting them to be successful. In addition:

- The first 15 minutes of every Monday is a company prayer.
- Business emails and internal communications include frequent references to prayer and faith.
- The company requires us to close phone conversations with "have a blessed day".
- Of the 21 employees, 14 go to the same Southern Baptist church.

Here's the thing. The CEO and my direct supervisor know that I'm a committed atheist. In many ways, they've dealt with it in outstanding fashion. They made sure that I knew that the company prayer was optional, and I would not be required to work during that time. The CEO instructed me to come directly to him if anyone ever questioned my beliefs. But I know that discussion is coming. A few people have asked me what church I go to, and when I tell them I don't, they look truly baffled. When I was having a rough week last week, 8 people asked me to pray with them. One employee genuinely couldn't understand why Jen and I aren't getting married in a church.

I know I should be able to just ignore it, but it's starting to make me uncomfortable. I love this job, and I don't want to go anywhere, but the long email chains that begin with "My toothache doesn't need a root canal!" followed by a dozen "Praise Jesus" and "God is the greatest physician" replies, copied company-wide are starting to make me squirm. Hearing the sales staff assure potential clients that we're a Christian company, and every one of the people involved in their application is saved. The long discussions during staff meetings about mission trips and how sad it is that people in Ukraine haven't been exposed to the truth about our Lord. The fact that I KNOW that the conversation is coming, and I don't know how I'll respond.

I love this job. I really do. So how do I deal with all of this? Ignore it? Say something? Help me, ObiGWJ. You're my only hope.

I saw this today, and while it has nothing to do with what you posted about I think it might be nice to read it.

Now as to your problem....suck it up. Seriously it sounds like you like the work, the pay, and it sounds like you have the support of your bosses. I think you just need to let the rest flow over you like water.

But I bet it won't be easy everyday, sorry.

I agree. Just ignore it and tell people that you are atheist but you support their right to worship as they see fit. If the boss has your back you can simply be honest with your co-workers and leave it at that. I would, however, avoid trying to recruit people to your point of view. Just live and let live.

Nevin73 wrote:

I would, however, avoid trying to recruit people to your point of view. Just live and let live.

There is no freaking way I would poke at that bear. I'm a strictly non-evangelical heathen.

As long as no one gives you grief over your beliefs, there isn't much to be done.

If anyone starts getting nasty toward you or you start receiving emails with inappropriate content (i.e. "Atheists are soulless monsters! Pray for them."), then they'd be creating a hostile work environment.

It sounds like your boss/es wouldn't approve of such statements which is pretty cool.

You are a much much stronger man than I, trichy.

I'd be just (if not more) uncomfortable, but it doesn't sound like anyone's doing anything wrong, it's just an incompatibility of outlooks. It might help to head things off and let more than just your bosses know that you're an atheist and that while you have no problem with people expressing their faith, you feel uncomfortable when people express it directly towards you. It won't stop all of it, but it should at least get people to stop offering faith-based solutions to you personally. Initiating the conversation yourself could help you control it a bit more, and guide it to a reasonable compromise. Plus you'll be less likely to just blow up at someone after they exceed your daily limit on churchy-joes.

I've worried about this at my workplace as well. In my experience, people were pretty accepting of it. Part of the key is they got to know me for a while first; I didn't just spring it on people right away. By then I was an integral part of the team. I suspect it may have even led to some of them having a more open mind when it came to atheism.

Mystic Violet wrote:

As long as no one gives you grief over your beliefs, there isn't much to be done.

If anyone starts getting nasty toward you or you start receiving emails with inappropriate content (i.e. "Atheists are soulless monsters! Pray for them."), then they'd be creating a hostile work environment.

Yup. But keep a record of everything that happens so you can win the inevitable hostile work environment lawsuit.

I agree with LouZiffer.

Most likely, people will be surprised that you're not a Christian since you're working in a faith-based company. But the number of people who are going to give you grief about that is small, and you can address that on a case-by-case basis with your supervisors, if necessary.

I wouldn't say I'm an atheist. I'd probably say I'm not a believer. If someone presses say something like 'I'm not comfortable discussing that right now.' That's more or less what I've done in the past.

Have you made any friends there? Other than the CEO? That's who I'd talk to. Or talk to the CEO. Or HR. They can probably give you an idea of how to approach this.

Don't worry about what the sales people say, it's true that they are a faith based organization. Yes, saying everyone who works their is a Christian is a stretch, but not all Christians necessarily believe in ALL the things this company stands for.

Keep the (secular) faith, brother.

If I were in your shoes, I'd just answer the questions as they come up, and not proffer anything more.

"What church do you go to?"
"I don't."

No need to delve unless they decide to open the door.

And as Mystic Violet mentions, if they start making cracks about non-Christians/Atheists, you mentioned the boss has your back.

garion333 wrote:

I wouldn't say I'm an atheist. I'd probably say I'm not a believer.

This was the suggestion from a friend. It's also one that made me feel a bit off. I don't know if I like the idea that it's not a good idea for me to be fully honest about what I believe.

Picture this: It was a summer day in 1996. My wife-to-be's first day as a teacher in a child care center. She was outside with her boss to meet with the other teachers in the same program.

During their conversation, they asked her where she lived. She casually said, "Oh my boyfriend and I live in an apartment just down the road." A teacher in one of the other programs overheard and started to lecture her that we were "living in sin" and "going straight to hell".

In this case my wife's fellow teachers led her inside while the boss had a little chat with the offending Christian. It was never mentioned again.

These things happen. Your CEO and supervisor have your back, so the best thing I think you can do is relax. If you don't relax, there's a greater chance that your reaction when a question comes is going to be less than what it could be.

So the tone in your office is going to be Christian, and it looks like there may be some of the inevitable "I'm a better Christian than you!" types there. Besides some general well wishes none of that looks like it's particularly aimed at you. I would consider these folks to be trustworthy and respectful unless they prove otherwise. You don't have to be in their face about anything, but neither should you feel the need to hide who you are or be dishonest. Just be who you are. As with any other personal boundaries at work: If anyone crosses the line, you can always let your supervisor know.

EDIT: Fixing some mixed tenses.

trichy wrote:
garion333 wrote:

I wouldn't say I'm an atheist. I'd probably say I'm not a believer.

This was the suggestion from a friend. It's also one that made me feel a bit off. I don't know if I like the idea that it's not a good idea for me to be fully honest about what I believe.

Would you believe that many Christians feel the same way about saying they're a Christian? It's unfortunate that Atheist and Christian are loaded terms.

trichy wrote:
garion333 wrote:

I wouldn't say I'm an atheist. I'd probably say I'm not a believer.

This was the suggestion from a friend. It's also one that made me feel a bit off. I don't know if I like the idea that it's not a good idea for me to be fully honest about what I believe.

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/7u2mn0T.jpg)

Stengah wrote:

It might help to head things off and let more than just your bosses know that you're an atheist and that while you have no problem with people expressing their faith, you feel uncomfortable when people express it directly towards you. It won't stop all of it, but it should at least get people to stop offering faith-based solutions to you personally. Initiating the conversation yourself could help you control it a bit more, and guide it to a reasonable compromise. Plus you'll be less likely to just blow up at someone after they exceed your daily limit on churchy-joes.

This seems like good advice to me.

I'm a pre-marital mentor, coach to small group leaders, and in training to be a deacon at my church, and I have a hard enough time getting along with this sort of culture. If you ever have questions, need some Christianese translated, or just want to vent, let me know.

LouZiffer wrote:
trichy wrote:
garion333 wrote:

I wouldn't say I'm an atheist. I'd probably say I'm not a believer.

This was the suggestion from a friend. It's also one that made me feel a bit off. I don't know if I like the idea that it's not a good idea for me to be fully honest about what I believe.

Would you believe that many Christians feel the same way about saying they're a Christian? It's unfortunate that Atheist and Christian are loaded terms.

Yep. A lot of people I really like go with some variant of "follower of Jesus," which also plays a lot better in the Middle East, where "christian" is often interpreted as a cultural affiliation more than religious.

You'll probably find most of the people are normal and that you can get along just fine, regardless of your faith difference's. The issues that come up from a work environment might be different then a business that isn't "faith based," however people are people. Some will really tick you off while others you'll have no issue with. I would suggest being completely open. Yes, you will probably be invited to go to church, or to some event that their church hosts. If you feel comfortable, go enjoy yourself, if not, don't. Either way, I think being open with your "faith" will generate respect throughout the company (I am reiterating the fact that, like in all work environments, there will be people who are going to look down upon you. Just expect it and roll with the punches). I will say this though. You've probably had different discussions about faith, or will have discussions of faith. Make sure you know what you believe and why.

If confronted directly about what you believe you could always go with the religious version of "no-comment" by saying that your beliefs are very personal to you and that you prefer to be judged by your actions rather than your words.

I'm amazed you got along this well so far. Sounds like you found a good group. I once applied for a job with a religious-adjacent organization (a publishing house). I was submitted by a recruiter and it seemed like a good fit when I interviewed. I didn't get the job and the recruiter intimated that beliefs were the reason. So you can absolutely be discriminated against. The fact that you're not makes me think you landed in an alright place if you like the people and like the work.

Kehama wrote:

If confronted directly about what you believe you could always go with the religious version of "no-comment" by saying that your beliefs are very personal to you and that you prefer to be judged by your actions rather than your words.

/writes down for future use

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/fUKBNib.gif)
The workplace isn't the place for this conversation.

Alt: I'm not the heathen you're looking for.

Dude, I'm so praying for you. Let me encourage you with some super sweet pics from my latest mission trip to Vegas.

In all seriousness, it can be tough to be the odd man out in any work place culturally. Whether everyone else is way older, way richer, way more religious, or just way more into country western music and line dancing on the weekends, it's rough sometimes. I've been there. If you feel like the job benefits outweigh the annoyances, a little polite, tactful honesty can go a long way. These people hired you for a reason. You keep being good at what you do, friendly and respectful to your co-workers, and you should be fine. If things get to bad, I hear there are great opportunities for entrepreneurs looking to own a gas station in the Baltimore, MD area. Think it over.

Nomad wrote:

Dude, I'm so praying for you. Let me encourage you with some super sweet pics from my latest mission trip to Vegas.

In all seriousness, it can be tough to be the odd man out in any work place culturally. Whether everyone else is way older, way richer, way more religious, or just way more into country western music and line dancing on the weekends, it's rough sometimes. I've been there. If you feel like the job benefits outweigh the annoyances, a little polite, tactful honesty can go a long way. These people hired you for a reason. You keep being good at what you do, friendly and respectful to your co-workers, and you should be fine. If things get to bad, I hear there are great opportunities for entrepreneurs looking to own a gas station in the Baltimore, MD area. Think it over. ;)

Bolded for unforgivableness.

I draw the line at some things sir!

The other thing to remember is, you could be doing your fellow heathens a service by being "That one atheist" your workmates know. The guy who doesn't believe the same things they do, but seems like a top bloke anyway, so perhaps atheists aren't the puppy-kicking devil-worshipers they've been led to believe?

Redwing wrote:

The other thing to remember is, you could be doing your fellow heathens a service by being "That one atheist" your workmates know. The guy who doesn't believe the same things they do, but seems like a top bloke anyway, so perhaps atheists aren't the puppy-kicking devil-worshipers they've been led to believe?

Well, I do love some puppy punting...

I know that the right answer is "suck it up, it could be worse". That being said, it is hard feeling like the odd man out. Part of me wonders if the shoe was on the other foot, if they were the lone Christian in a company of enthusiastically outspoken atheists, how would they react. But I know that's not helpful.

Uncle Chris, master of conversational judo, has a strategy that goes like this.

*Any question ever.*

Uncle Chris: "You know what I like about whatever you just said? Changing the topic. Isn't it crazy how popular Krispy Kreme is?"

You can skip the segue if it's too wordy for you.

Funny. I actually had a Mormon coworker tell me that, despite the fact that I am a degenerate atheist, I am a lot cooler about tolerating religion than most Christians he knows.

trichy wrote:

Part of me wonders if the shoe was on the other foot, if they were the lone Christian in a company of enthusiastically outspoken atheists, how would they react.

You could ask one of the Christians on GWJ.

clover wrote:
Kehama wrote:

If confronted directly about what you believe you could always go with the religious version of "no-comment" by saying that your beliefs are very personal to you and that you prefer to be judged by your actions rather than your words.

/writes down for future use

depending on how fundamental they are this wouldn't work either.

ClockworkHouse wrote:
trichy wrote:

Part of me wonders if the shoe was on the other foot, if they were the lone Christian in a company of enthusiastically outspoken atheists, how would they react.

You could ask one of the Christians on GWJ.

Even here, Christians are likely in the vast majority, however, most are not super outspoken.

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