Dealing with Divorce Catch-All

JeffreyLSmith wrote:

If you get to a point where you want to move on, such as finding someone special, don't wait for her to do the right thing. Get the divorce yourself.

I agree, but I say go ahead and get the license replaced yourself now. Just get it over with so you can move on. I may be off base in your particular situation, but some people get a sick satisfaction out of dragging out things just to cause anxiety.

Running Man wrote:
JeffreyLSmith wrote:

If you get to a point where you want to move on, such as finding someone special, don't wait for her to do the right thing. Get the divorce yourself.

I agree, but I say go ahead and get the license replaced yourself now. Just get it over with so you can move on. I may be off base in your particular situation, but some people get a sick satisfaction out of dragging out things just to cause anxiety.

I honestly think she's using it as leverage on her boyfriend, who is super intimidated by me because of how she talks about me, plus she likes using my work health benefits, which stops if/when we get divorced. I mean, I could cut that off anytime anyway, but then she would do the same to me so, meh.

I'm handling it pretty well because I don't have any need to be legally divorced yet. If I meet mrs right that will change in a big hurry.

My opinion is get it done before you get to a situation where it HAS to be done quickly because most likely when you really need it to get done it will drag on!

karmajay wrote:

My opinion is get it done before you get to a situation where it HAS to be done quickly because most likely when you really need it to get done it will drag on!

Completely agree and this is coming from someone in a pretty much identical situation and stage of things. Yes, you don't want to feel like the bad guy by ending her medical insurance etc but sooner she sorts out how she is going to deal with that the better. I was all ready to push the divorce through and then she got pregnant with the new boyfriend … and it was just another 'oh god, I can't cut her loose now with no medical support during a pregnancy' … go ahead and get the divorce sorted, before things snowball like they have repeatedly for me.

ShynDarkly wrote:
karmajay wrote:

My opinion is get it done before you get to a situation where it HAS to be done quickly because most likely when you really need it to get done it will drag on!

Completely agree and this is coming from someone in a pretty much identical situation and stage of things. Yes, you don't want to feel like the bad guy by ending her medical insurance etc but sooner she sorts out how she is going to deal with that the better. I was all ready to push the divorce through and then she got pregnant with the new boyfriend … and it was just another 'oh god, I can't cut her loose now with no medical support during a pregnancy' … go ahead and get the divorce sorted, before things snowball like they have repeatedly for me.

Wow, I hadn't considered that eventuality. Much better to cut the strings now, while there aren't medical emergencies.

Well, it has been two years almost since we decided to divorce. Literally nothing has changed. Except that I found out that the separation paperwork was never filed so many years ago.
Just back from a 5.5 month deployment. Took two months off work. Going to read up on everything again.
And after new year's eve, it's all about filling out that paperwork. Living and working here in the Netherlands and my future ex with my two daughters in Canada, it's far from ideal. But she claims she wants it done as well...so will see. I hope to be divorced this coming year. That would be the best for everyone.

Dude, please, for both of your sakes do the paperwork.

You guys are still legally financially tied together, and you're tangled up in any stupidity she does until you get that legal separation in place. As someone who had to pay off mid-six figures of his debt because of making this mistake even though he didn't mean to do it, the people collecting bills from him and the IRS sure did. It took me more than 10 years to get out from under that.

momgamer wrote:

Dude, please, for both of your sakes do the paperwork.

You guys are still legally financially tied together, and you're tangled up in any stupidity she does until you get that legal separation in place. As someone who had to pay off mid-six figures of his debt because of making this mistake even though he didn't mean to do it, the people collecting bills from him and the IRS sure did. It took me more than 10 years to get out from under that.

We did the legal separation papers, it's just the divorce itself we havne't done.

I hear all of you though.

momgamer wrote:

Dude, please, for both of your sakes do the paperwork.

You guys are still legally financially tied together, and you're tangled up in any stupidity she does until you get that legal separation in place. As someone who had to pay off mid-six figures of his debt because of making this mistake even though he didn't mean to do it, the people collecting bills from him and the IRS sure did. It took me more than 10 years to get out from under that.

Totally hear you