I Mean You Couldn't Make It Up
Cruz was born in Calgary, Alberta, where his parents, Eleanor Elizabeth Wilson Darragh and Rafael Bienvenido Cruz, were working in the oil business. Cruz's father, Rafael Cruz, who was born in Matanzas, Cuba, was jailed and tortured by the Fulgencio Batista regime and fought for Fidel Castro in the Cuban Revolution but "didn't know Castro was a Communist" and later became a staunch critic of Castro when "the rebel leader took control and began seizing private property and suppressing dissent."
I'll be honest, that doesn't strike me as a satisfactory answer. I mean, Cuban and Canadian? That's some kind of god-forsaken double-socialist swirl, and I think it's entirely fair to ask questions about whether Ted Cruz secretly follows Castro's beliefs and is a plant sent here to bring Mambo and Parliamentary Law to the United States. Anyway, if he was born in Calgary, is he really a "Natural Born" American? The son of a Communist born into a a socialist state? I think it's a fair question to ask.
I think Ted Cruz needs to allow every American citizen to personally inspect his long-form birth certificate, and to convince us that he renounces poutine, ropa vieja, and Don Cherry.
I heard he's not even a Southern Baptist, but that he's actually secretly Anglican.