Post a news story, entertain me!

Decapitation by chainsaw not suspicious.

I'm sure there's more to the story than this short article lets on but all those denials sound kinda suspicious to me.

DFKQ wrote:

Decapitation by chainsaw not suspicious.

I'm sure there's more to the story than this short article lets on but all those denials sound kinda suspicious to me.

Nonsense. There's nothing at all suspicious about the only remaining tenant of a building cleared for redevelopment dying by complete transection of the neck by chainsaw. The non-suspiciousness was confirmed by several authorities. Do you doubt the authorities? That sounds like suspicious behavior to me.

DFKQ wrote:

Decapitation by chainsaw not suspicious.

I'm sure there's more to the story than this short article lets on but all those denials sound kinda suspicious to me.

It's a common, natural way to die in England.

DFKQ wrote:

Decapitation by chainsaw not suspicious.

I'm sure there's more to the story than this short article lets on but all those denials sound kinda suspicious to me.

Whoa, I wasn't suspicious at all until they stated it was 'not suspicious' five times in the (short) article. Why would the 'authorities' want him dead? Should I be on the lookout for non-suspicious authorities with chainsaws?

Land development expediency isn't a legal justification for murder outside Chicago?

The accompanying quote may be the most suspicious thing I've ever read.

Spokesman for coroner wrote:

There's nothing suspicious about the death.

Riiiiiiiiight

That headline is suspicious too!

BBC News wrote:

Last tenant 'found decapitated'

Why the quotes?

"Yeah, uh, we 'found' him decapitated, yup. He was definitely that way when we got here. And it wasn't suspicious at all, nosir!"

Definitely not suspicious. He was probably shaving with the chainsaw, and his hand slipped. Happens all the time.

From the AP this morning:

An outdoor ice rink at Hot Springs -- which delayed its opening a week because of warm weather in November -- was closed Monday because of the cold, icy weather.

Here is a kid who'd probably use that smarmy mugshot on his Facebook.
He is why you kick them out when they turn 18.

Dr_Awkward wrote:

Here is a kid who'd probably use that smarmy mugshot on his Facebook.
He is why you kick them out when they turn 18.

I want to kick him in the face.

WITH MY FIST.

Guy robs two 7-11s in Colorado Springs with...a bat'leth? This petaQ is without honor or courage.

Edit: Now with video. Not recognizing underscores is also dishonorable.

162-year-old Necco has change of heart

REVERE, Mass. - After 162 years, the New England Confectionery Co. wants to be more than your Valentine. [...]
Next month, Necco plans to unveil a new line of Sweethearts connected to "Twilight" — the young-adult vampire-romance book series. They'll be released at the same time as the DVD of the movie and feature such sayings as "Bite Me," "Bedazzle" and "Live 4 Ever."

Dreamy.

Steps to Happiness:

1) Snap a photo of a woman's bottom.
2) Get arrested and put in jail for the night.
3) Sue the city for $8000 to use for a trip to Paris.

Fishermen stranded on ice floe in Lake Erie.

Fishermen had used planks of plywood placed on a thin layer of ice to walk out to the lake, but when the ice melted, the wooden path sank, stranding them away from shore.

Thief Can't Resist Dutch City's Porn Archive

Morning Edition, February 13, 2009 · Officials in the Dutch city of Leeuwarden hope a thief will return some stolen goods, no questions asked. The city has lost its municipal pornography archive. It's a collection of items with connections to the city — photos, drawings and writings. The city's mayor has expressed concern about the disappearance, though he tells local media he had no idea the collection existed.
Rat Boy wrote:

Guy robs two 7-11s in Colorado Springs with...a bat'leth? This petaQ is without honor or courage.

Edit: Now with video. Not recognizing underscores is also dishonorable.

God, I love my city sometimes.

The best part was a clip on the news where they interviewed a Star Trek enthusiast who went on for a bit about how it was "shocking" that someone would use a weapon from a "people of honor" for such a dishonorable purpose.

This ocean ain't big enough for the both of us!

BBC News wrote:

"The Ministry of Defence needs to explain how it is possible for a submarine carrying weapons of mass destruction to collide with another submarine carrying weapons of mass destruction in the middle of the world's second-largest ocean,"

This actually isn't all that uncommon. There have been other collisions in the past and a lot of close calls. Most of the incidents are between boomers and hunter/killers because they're always playing cat and mouse in the ocean. But 2 boomers? That's just weird!

I remember reading a book about it a few years ago. Very enlightening and VERY scary!

muttonchop wrote:

Definitely not suspicious. He was probably shaving with the chainsaw, and his hand slipped. Happens all the time.

"A spokesman for the coroner said: "As far as we know nobody else was involved."

So he cut his own head off with a chainsaw?? Maybe he was fighting off the Army of Darkness?

Bear wrote:

This actually isn't all that uncommon. There have been other collisions in the past and a lot of close calls. Most of the incidents are between boomers and hunter/killers because they're always playing cat and mouse in the ocean. But 2 boomers? That's just weird!

I remember reading a book about it a few years ago. Very enlightening and VERY scary!

"The hard part about playing chicken is knowin' when to flinch."

wordsmythe wrote:
Bear wrote:

This actually isn't all that uncommon. There have been other collisions in the past and a lot of close calls. Most of the incidents are between boomers and hunter/killers because they're always playing cat and mouse in the ocean. But 2 boomers? That's just weird!

I remember reading a book about it a few years ago. Very enlightening and VERY scary!

"The hard part about playing chicken is knowin' when to flinch."

"CONN-SONAR! CRAZY IVAN!"

In the "good luck with that" department, we have:

Morning Edition, February 17, 2009 · A British rail company has put up a sign at its station in northern England trying to get couples to stop kissing. It seems those goodbye pecks were backing up car traffic and cutting down on the station's efficiency. The company says drivers should pay to park and then they can kiss all they want.
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — Police say an upstate New York television executive who sought to improve the image of Muslims in the media beheaded his wife after she filed for divorce.

Public relations Fail.

200 miles above Soviet Russia, mosquito outlives you!

Apparently the economy is tough everywhere!

Dr_Awkward wrote:

200 miles above Soviet Russia, mosquito outlives you!

I've read enough comic books to know that bombarding a mosquito with solar radiation is a bad idea.

Males lizards pretend to be females in order to avoid fights. I'm pretty sure rabbits and ducks use the same trick.

Rat Boy wrote:

Males lizards pretend to be females in order to avoid fights. I'm pretty sure rabbits and ducks use the same trick.

Not sure if that works for humans.