Randomly searching the internet I found some hilarious analogies and metaphors. Here are some of my favorite.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. -Joseph Romm, Washington
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. -Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. -Sue Lin Chong, Washington