Top 10 Sports Apologies
I really didn't know where to put this, but it was so funny I had to share it somewhere.
I'm not sure I can excerpt just one thing. Diego Maradona's confession is amazing. The Barry Bonds is probably the best, though:
The Setting: Oprah's studio. Somber mood lighting. Barry looking uncomfortable in an oversize black suit. You can't say he's let himself go since the end of his playing days. He looks strong, an appearance he validates by ripping a section of Oprah's couch in half when the makeup guy gets concealer up his nose. His head is covered in a fine sheen of guilt-sweat. Oprah is in deep purple and appears to be wearing a veil.
The Apology: "People had names for it. The Cream, I guess. That was one. The Clear. Rub this on your stomach, swallow this at seven o'clock. I looked at myself as a science experiment. I hit baseballs for a living, and I decided it was my job to use any technique — legal or illegal, no limits — to get better at hitting baseballs. How good could one person get if you combined natural talent with science? I saw that as my mission. I'm not defending myself here. It's just that I was obsessed. We did things no one knew about, things no one still knows. I had bought a castle in Germany back in '92 as a tax shelter, and it was in the lab there that I did most of my research. Worked with lightning, worked with a lot of electricity. Mostly by the light of the moon. I had an assistant, Karlheinz. He was a hunchback, but he was loyal. We'd dig up the corpses of recently hanged men to dissect them and use their body parts. So many bodies. I'd work through the night, sawing. A lot of nights it was just me and the distant, lonely howling of a wolf. Mountains silhouetted in the window. That was a good time. Of course, we had to abandon the castle when the villagers came with torches. They threw around a lot of words. 'Steroids,' they called it. 'Unholy.' 'Against God's plan.' I'd like to apologize to those villagers now … as well as everybody watching from home, of course. My left arm belonged to a murderer. I can't always control it. Don't come too close. I once killed a man for his eyeballs. I'm so sorry."