Monday Night Football, through the eyes of Marcus Vick:
It begins with anticipation:
However, things go wrong quickly:
Marcus looks to the past for solutions:
Marcus starts making demands, using the royal "we":
Marcus Vick, General Manager:
He knows you're tweetin' but he can't hear you:
I hear Homeland's really good:
The softer side of Marcus:
Marcus reveals his metric for judging QBs, subtly revealing the lie he uses to convince himself that he was once good:
Teams with good offensive lines, call Marcus:
No longer part of an upper tax bracket, Marcus just doesn't find the Republican platform very appealing:
Being a 1st round draft pick reduced to the fourth option in the running game is, apparently, Beast Mode:
The former Eagles defensive playmaker changed sex and went R&B:
Despite Marcus's assertion, at the time of this tweet, LeSean McCoy had 103 rushing yards. He would finish the game with 119 yards, on a 6.3 per carry average.
Blast! Marcus was so busy on Twitter, he missed out on the evening's opportunities:
Marcus had no time for idioms class at VaTech:
It was a road team sweep last week, and only one player managed to get 4 right. I guess that'll silence any question of the picks being too easy for one week at least.
Falcons at Saints: Atlanta's pursuit for perfection continues. New Orleans has rebounded from an 0-4 start to go 3-1 in their second four games. The turnaround in New Orleans has been impressive, but their defense is still a major liability. Atlanta has been winning without dominating, making them appear far more vulnerable than you'd expect from an 8-0 team. I'm still picking the Falcons but every week they look prime for a loss to an inferior opponent.
Lions at Vikings: Oh Christian Ponder, stop making my pre-draft faith in you look so bad. In spite of Ponder's recent struggles, the Vikings find themselves at 5-4 and still very much in the mix. Adrian Peterson picking up his game has of course helped. Detroit currently finds themselves in the NFC North basement, but at 4-4, they're far from out of it either. I'm taking the Lions on the road.
Cowboys at Eagles: The good news for everyone involved is that someone (probably) has to win. Romo and Vick take their respective 3-5 teams to the field in Philly, where Dallas is a narrow 1.5 point favorite. King Dunlap will have his hands full with DeMarcus Ware. Dunlap, despite what Marcus Vick would tell us, is an adequate left tackle, but really not much more than that. Adequate's not good enough to shut down Ware. Cowboys.
Texans at Bears: Two of the best defenses in the NFL face off in an anti-fantasy-football rumble at Soldier Field on Sunday Night. Houston seems well-equipped to give Jay Cutler fits, while the Bears defense would seem up to the task of bottling up Arian Foster. One of our first looks at a playoff-quality non-divisional matchup this year. I'm taking the Bears at home but this game is obviously up for grabs.
Chargers at Buccaneers: Tampa's offensive explosion continues, this time on the back of Doug "Muscle Hamster" Martin. San Diego showed some offensive life of their own last week, piling up three fourth-quarter TDs against Kansas City. Now, these two teams who thumped on the bottom of the AFC West face each other, both at .500 and trying to climb the ladder back into playoff contention. I've gotta go with the Buccaneers because I just don't have much faith in San Diego, ever.
Last week's results:
Jolly Bill: 0-5
Season to date:
Jolly Bill: 19-24