A personal announcement, emphatic thank-you, and cheers to Fedora.

So I met up with some other out asexuals in meat-space and it really seemed to do some good for me, kind of clicking the reality that 'there really are others!' in a way that internet interactions hadn't quite managed.

It probably helps that they were also pretty cool people who I'd have hung out with anyway but having that shared experience made more tangible seems to have had some interesting and positive psychological effects.

The downside is I may soon be moving somewhere with a much smaller population which in turn means finding like-minded or common-experience people becomes much less probable but at least I managed to do it once.

That is a fantastic video, Mike. Very touching.

Speaking of Asexuality Awareness Week, people on reddit have been making these:
http://m.imgur.com/a/jdMlY

I can completely agree that it helps to meet other asexuals. Doing that has certainly helped me, and to meet others through the GSA at my university. And some of my newer tumblr friends have mentioned they're aces when we've started to talk more candidly. Actually, at our last club meeting I sort of helped explain asexuality so that people would understand it and be more aware. For some it's certainly a hard concept to grasp.

Also Krev, Happy Asexuality Awareness Week!

NSMike wrote:

Speaking of Asexuality Awareness Week, people on reddit have been making these:
http://m.imgur.com/a/jdMlY

Also along the lines of Asexuality Awareness Week I'd like to share Dominique Mosbergen's six part series on asexuality; found here.

She does a fairly good job of covering a lot of ground there.

Thanks. That's a cool set of articles.

Just thought I'd share something from me.

Bravo DK, thank you for sharing. Hopefully in time more of us will be able to share our experiences openly without the usual denial/bs/etc we tend to get.

Dominic Knight wrote:

Just thought I'd share something from me.

Cool, cool cool cool.

NSMike wrote:

Alright, the final version is out there, and listed, ready to be shared. Still waiting on SallyNasty to finish the translation, but he'll be done soon.

Here it is:

http://goo.gl/i8Ui7f

I finally got around to watching that. That was very powerful, and I'm impressed. Huge props and I don't doubt that it'll make a difference however small or big that difference is.

Good video, DK. By the way, as someone who has been married for 15 years the best things in a relationship *are* the things you talked about. Being friends, going places together, talking, spending time doing random things, experiencing life, etc.

Dk, I haven't seen you in a few years I think, omg you're so growed up!

DK and krev...seriously thank you for coming out, for being part of this amazing community.

Check one more in the "aware, supportive person out there in the world" column.

Thanks everyone!

DSGamer wrote:

Good video, DK. By the way, as someone who has been married for 15 years the best things in a relationship *are* the things you talked about. Being friends, going places together, talking, spending time doing random things, experiencing life, etc.

Thanks, DS.

Amoebic wrote:

Dk, I haven't seen you in a few years I think, omg you're so growed up! :D

:D I think it has been a while since PAX or some slap&tickle game night that we last saw each other. I still get mistaken for being 18 though. That's problematic when I go to the bar and they stare at my license like they don't believe I'm 23.

I love this thread It always makes me smile when I make it back to check up on it.

Roundtable: On Coming Out In Our Applications, Interviews, and Lives (Multiple authors, Autostraddle, 2013-12-13).

Wow. There's a lot of powerful stuff in here about different people's experiences and conflicted feelings. Here's the intro:

It’s college application season, and last week some stressed out parents of a queer kid wrote in to the New York Times Civil Behavior advice column to ask a question of utmost parental concern: Should a student disclose or conceal her lesbian identity in college application essays?
Our daughter is a senior in high school and quite comfortable with her lesbian identity. We support her 100 percent, but we know the world is not always so tolerant. As she’s writing her college application essays this fall, she’s “coming out” in them — and we think that’s a bad idea. You just never know who’s reading these essays, so why risk revealing your orientation to someone who might be biased against you? We’ve strongly suggested she think over the ramifications of what she’s doing, but she doesn’t seem to have any doubt about it. Deadlines are approaching and we are at an impasse. How can we persuade her to keep some things private if they might hurt her chances of admission?

Here’s what Steven Petrow, author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners and Mr. Civil Behavior for the NYT, advised:

Clearly you’ve given your daughter a strong sense of self and the confidence to be who she is, even if the world is not as tolerant as we’d all hope. Sure, one of a parent’s jobs is to worry, but after 17 or so years you can’t be there for every important decision in life. So, please reconsider what message you are sending to her when you ask her to conceal her identity.

It’s worth noting that Civil Behavior is an etiquette column written specifically for the “boomer-age audience” and published every other Tuesday in Booming, a section in the NYT specifically for and about baby boomers — the 78 million Americans born between 1946 and 1964. As Petrow points out in his response, times have changed since the “boomers” were applying for college. But could it be that they actually have a point? While it would be perfect if we could all be out and proud at every juncture of our lives, truthfully that’s not yet always the case. After reading the column the Autostraddle team started talking about this question in our daily email, and it soon became clear that we’d all had very different experiences coming out (not always by choice) in college, at our jobs, and in our daily lives.

Is there anything to say about attending an institution who's applicant approval crew is homophobic such that you'd want to look elsewhere? There are plenty of universities and shy of Harvard et al I can't imagine prospective employers care too much.

Out otherwise, maybe coming out in the letter is her filter for the university's fitness to support her education.

muraii wrote:

Is there anything to say about attending an institution who's applicant approval crew is homophobic such that you'd want to look elsewhere? There are plenty of universities and shy of Harvard et al I can't imagine prospective employers care too much.

Out otherwise, maybe coming out in the letter is her filter for the university's fitness to support her education.

I don't consider my Alma Mater's applications folks to be somehow perfectly representative of the larger institution, though. I've seen too many obvious eff-ups and agendas. I don't think it's crazy to think that there might be one bad actor in there somewhere.

Not saying people should feel the need to conceal their identities, just responding to this one idea.

Twitter arguments are the worst and I got into one. I wrote something about it. http://www.gayatheist.net/gay-atheis...

I love the honesty and courage in that very, very much. That sincerity, as much as anything else, is a genuine moment of beauty. That is really good work.

There is a lot that also resonates with my own views on hurtful words, context, and free speech. It's something I need to vivre mindful of from both sides.

I wish more people communicated instead of assuming the other person is an enemy.

NSMike wrote:

Twitter arguments are the worst and I got into one. I wrote something about it. http://www.gayatheist.net/gay-atheis...

I so wish sensible discussion was a cure for entitled assholism.

I wish that were a lesson RuPaul and some folks who rather loudly support him would learn. *sigh*

I remarked a while back in a twitter conversation with some folks:

When we say things like "it's only words" or "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me", what those things are is how we [em]support ourselves[/em] when we are being [em]attacked with words[/em]. Words matter, a lot. Words hurt, a lot. When we get hit with them, we tell ourselves that it's OK, that we can keep going. We tell ourselves that it could be worse—being beaten up with words is better than being beaten physically, right?

But that doesn't mean that words aren't powerful. In fact, words are in many ways [em]more[/em] powerful than physical harm—because getting beaten up doesn't try to define us, but words [em]do[/em] try to define us.

Because of that, when I see someone making the "it's only words" argument [em]against[/em] people saying "Hey, this slur really offends me, please stop", it upsets me a lot. Because when people do that it's taking that affirmation, that defense, that personal mantra we use to keep going even when stuff is horrible... and using it against us. And once someone starts doing that, it's [em]harder[/em], not easier, to use those mantras to keep yourself strong. It makes you more vulnerable, not less, because someone took your shield and started hitting you with it and now you don't know whether you should carry it around at all any more.

Words... are a big deal.

MrAndrewJ wrote:

I wish more people communicated instead of assuming the other person is an enemy.

Yep. It's hard to find meaningful dialogue with honest give and take on the Internet.

Hypatian wrote:

Words... are a big deal.

I suppose nobody will be surprised that I agree.

Coming Out Simulator 2014

A visual novel game about coming out. Really, it's a conversation simulator.

Yep. I've played through it 3 times just to see what happens. It doesn't really bear much resemblance to my situation, but it's an interesting exploration of the experience.

Seems like the best place to put this. I went to my first pride today, didn't stay around for the afterparty because a)all the gay bars in Leeds sell terrible beer b) I wanted to watch the football but did take part in the march. That was an experience I won't forget in a hurry, lots of people out taking photos and supporting pride.

Hope you enjoyed yourself.

I'm not sure how Pride is in Leeds, but in Columbus, OH, where I attend Pride, it's both Friday and Saturday. Sunday has a few other events not associated with the official Pride festival, but really, Pride on Friday night is kinda slow, then moves from the festival when it closes for the night to all the gay bars on the next street over, where the first night parties get pretty crazy.

I never dance, but we always end up at a dance club, because they have decent drinks, an underwear show, drag shows, and concerts in a closed-off courtyard outside the club itself.

Saturday this year got rained out, but after the parade, it's usually concerts on two stages in Gooddale Park, the big festival park nearby, along with beer and bad, expensive festival food.

It culminates with a softball game played entirely by drag queens.

After three years of attending, I'm still trying to decide whether I like it or not. Most of the time I find myself watching all the attractive, young gays going about enjoying each others' company, while not allowing myself into it. Still too many unresolved personal hangups, regrets, and fears.

In Leeds it's just one day, the Sunday with a pre march party in one part of the city and then a post march party in the gay area of the city. I did the first 2 but wasn't really feeling the last one.
I was suprised by the the amount of people who came out (pardon the pun) to support the march. I liked these guys, I've seen pics of this sort of thing before but still hit home in person.

I did get creeped out by the giant O2 cat that was following us